MacYapper - John McIntire
FREE CYRIL!
www.izzazu.comNEXT PITTSBURGH PUNDITS POLITICAL COMEDY/PANEL SHOW SATURDAY, MARCH 21ST!
CABARET THEATER! 10:30 PM!-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Yo, MacYippers!
What up?
We had another fascinating and bizarre night of standup-comedy and political discussion at the Pittsburgh Cultural Trust Pittsburgh Pundits show this weekend at the Cabaret Theater downtown.
But before I explain why it was both fun and weird, let me comment on a particular phenomenon. I don't know if it's peculiar to Pittsburgh, or just an American thing we live with at this point in time.
People are remarkably rude. They do not know how to Shut The Fuck Up. They just don't.
Why people go to a public place to watch other people perform and then spend the evening performing for each other and rudely distracting others from the actual show is beyond me. Apparently, people are endlessly fascinated with themselves, which is fine, but you don't need to go to a theater to watch a performance if you just want to gaze into your fellow audience member's eyes while you endlessly entertain each other by rudely yammering.
There was one young Democrat who started early by heckling featured comedian Gab Bonesso. She was doing a funny bit about old people with eye patches, and this asshole shouts out "that's my Grandmother." It broke the flow of the bit. But the young Dem was probably pleased with himself because he opened his ignorant mouth and screamed when he was supposed to be... what's the expression?... ah, yes SHUTTING THE FUCK UP.
Now Gab's a pro and her excellent set continued and the rather uptight crowd (we tend to see that at political shows) responded well.
There will be no heckling at future shows. There will be no talking at future shows. I am literally going to leap off the stage and physically remove any human who won't shut up. Can't take it no mo.
And I seriously can't believe grownups are basically eleven year olds with the manners of a moron. But I should believe it. Having done comedy around here for a couple of years now, I have discovered it's a very common phenomenon.
So what have we learned? Shut The Fuck Up. If you want to talk, leave. Go. Vamoose. Walk out of the performance area.
During my standup performance, this same young Dem was yacking up a storm with a local blogger. When I stopped the performance to inquire as to what the yammering was about (like a school marm having to discipline some little kiddies), I was informed "oh, we've got our own jokes going here."
Not acceptable. Isn't it ridiculous that I have to even write this? That people are so rude, immature, and frankly idiotic that they don't know any better?
Finally, the young Dem, at the very end of an hour and a half show, gets up and screams into a microphone put on the floor for questioners and announces to the three assembled panelists and myself, "you've all become boring."
Fine. Shut up and leave. Why did you leave your house? Couldn't you just have a blogger/political person circle jerk in your living room? Why do you ever leave your house? Are you always unable to shut your freaking trap? Are your parents morons too?
People who are endlessly fascinated with themselves should not go out in public. Ever. Just breath into the mirror and masturbate. Or masturbate with your equally self involved loved one, partner, buddy, blogger, or sibling.
Once again, this will NOT be tolerated at future shows. EVER. So please DO NOT COME if you're unable to SHUT THE FUCK UP.
WHEN THINGS STARTED TO GET WEIRD AT THE SHOW...These shows are often fast paced, pretty entertaining, occasionally awkward (in a good way) and sometimes fiercely contentious. Post-Gazette reviewer Chris Rawson has commented they have "great intellectual/giggle value."
But there has not previously been this much apparent enmity between two panelists.
The moderator (moi) was talking about the foolishness of abstinence only, as a way to get kids like Bristol Palin to stop getting knocked up.
Predictably, liberal advice columnist Cat Specter agreed with me, and conservative attorney Heather Heidelbaugh thought abstinence was worth a shot.
Here's a picture of fellow panelist David DeAngelo and Cat, stolen from David's blog at
www.2politicaljunkies.blogspot.com:
I asked Heather what she would tell her own kids. She said she'd rather not make it that personal, and would prefer not to comment on her own kids. I was fine with that.
Liberal Cat was not. She thought it was ridiculous that Heather would advise the nation to try abstinence, but not reveal what she would tell her children. Heather felt personally attacked. She screamed about a medical condition that would make it dangerous for her offspring to engage in that kind of activity.
And it was off to the liberals hate conservatives and vice-versa races. Previous Pundits shows have had lively debates where people ridicule each other's positions, but not with this much seemingly genuine venom.
Here is a post-venom picture of David with Heather, again stolen from David's blog.
Which means, among other things, that I, as moderator, must do a better job of explaining to panelists that, while we're free to give each other a ration of shit, we probably shouldn't be too personal or go with the whole hatred thing.
At least until we leave and bitch about the others to our friends in the car.
So the next show will be spirited, but probably a tad less Springer-esque.
Thanks to Heather, Cat, and blogger David DeAngelo, who had a funny line about Mayor Opie's picture on expensive city garbage cans, and asking whether he also had his photo on his bong.
Which is likely. In my view.
And thanks to Gab Bonesso for another great comedy set.
You really should come out for this next month on March 21st.
Former GOP Mayoral candidate Mark DeSantis will be among the panelists.
SPEAKING OF ANNOYING...Is there anything more annoying than a car accident? Well, I suppose a diarreah emergency. Or a yammering idiot at a comedy show.
But all I wanted to do was go get a grande non fat latte, the aging baby boomer's yuppie pacifier. That of course required leaving the house.
I drove a few feet. Just a few feet mind you. And BOOM.
A guy who was parked on the side of the road smacked into me.
"I didn't even see you," he said.
Obviously.
Here's the thing. When I drive, I actually look in the street before I pull out into it.
I have a giant scratch on my Mustang.
And my car's kinda banged up too.
Even though he's admitting fault, I'm spending time with his insurance, and my insurance, and his adjuster, and my body shop. And then I'll have to see if his insurance will pay for a rental. Blah blah blah.
I have been hit five times in recent years. All by people who either weren't paying attention or were just dumb-ass negligent.
Once a giant Semi-truck didn't see me next to him and turned into me. Once a drugged out 16 year old girl took a turn way too fast and slammed right into me. I was just sitting there. And her passenger actually tried to claim it was my fault.
Once an idiot rear ended me on McKnight road. I was just sitting there.
Once an idiot was trying to turn into a parking lot. I was in front of the parking lot entrance. She didn't get that whole thing about molecules not just disappearing in front of her simply because I was in the way of where she wanted to go.
A few months ago a guy who rear ended me on Liberty Avenue, where I was parked at a light, said "Oops, my flip-flop flipped off the brake."
I must have a sign on my bumber that says "I'm bored and I like to shoot the shit with mechanics, so please, hit me."
This town is full of more tailgaiting maroons who are too damn busy being idiots to PAY ATTENTION TO WHERE THEY ARE GOING!!!
There, I feel better.
Actually I don't, but whatever.
HANDY TIP... DON'T BUY YOUR ELEVEN YEAR OLD A SHOTGUNPOST-GAZETTE.COM:http://post-gazette.com/pg/09054/951008-85.stm
Jordan Brown, a fifth-grader from New Beaver, Lawrence County, allegedly killed his father's pregnant girlfriend, Kenzie Marie Houk, 26. Police say he used the child-sized 20-gauge hunting shotgun his father, Chris, had given him for Christmas. Ms. Houk, who was due to deliver a son in a couple of weeks, was shot while lying on her bed in the family's two-story farmhouse near New Castle. Her body was found by her 4-year-old daughter, Adalynn.MacYapper - Because what else would you get for an eleven year old for Christmas? It's never too soon to start edjumucatin' the kid about the critical importance of shooting Bambi.
He was probably just practicing on something about the size of a deer.
The only thing that matters is that THE MAN doesn't take away our guns.
If THE MAN were to take away our guns, how would we shoot the women?
Stumped you on that one, didn't I MacYippers!
UPCOMING COMEDY SHOWS AND COMEDY AUDIO AT:www.myspace.com/MacYapperLOOK ME UP ON FACEBOOK IF YOU LIKE!
ROCK ON MAC-YIPPERS!email me at johnmcintire@comcast.net
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