GOTTA LOVE THOSE MAC-YAPPER SPONSORS!
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Yo, yo, yo MacYippers! If there's one thing I enjoy doing, it's poking a stick in the eyes of morons. I consider smokers morons. I am an ex-moron. Actually, I may still be a moron, for for a myriad of other moronic reasons.
Anyway, I take sheer pleasure and delight in MacYipping (laughing) at the smokers forced out of hospital rooms to suck cancer sticks outdoors. Yip, yip, yip, yip, yip!
POST-GAZETTE.COM:http://www.post-gazette.com/pg/07183/798721-114.stmA woman clad in a flimsy hospital gown marched out of Magee-Womens Hospital yesterday afternoon and crossed Halket Street, pushing her IV stand in front of her. As soon as her feet left the UPMC property, she lit up a cigarette.
"I don't think this is right," said a man wearing a UPMC name tag. But he didn't chastise the smoking patient, for he was also smoking on the sidewalk across from the Oakland hospital. He didn't think that patient, or any patient, should have to go to such extremes or walk such a distance to smoke a cigarette.
MacYapper - Let's see. You're on the hospital to get will right? To heal your sickness, right? While you're in the recuperative process, do you munch on a little rat poison every now and again?
Maybe you hit your head with a hammer on occasion. Or maybe you purposely stub your toe. Or maybe you lick the dust off of the floor.
Why would you want to do something as disgustingly unhealthy as smoking while you're trying to become healthy?
Oh, that's right, because you're addicted. You're addicted and selfish and you think you should have the right not only to make yourself sick but to make others sick as well through second-hand smoke.
And because you're addicted, you're in denial about the ill health effects you impose upon others.
But let's get back to the whiners.
POST-GAZETTE.COM:Several blocks away, a woman wearing a Children's Hospital visitor pass lit a cigarette while sitting on a bench on Fifth Avenue, right in front of that hospital.
"My daughter is inside hooked up to life support equipment fighting for her life," said Patrice Minear of Elkins, W.Va. "I ought to be able to smoke wherever I like. I shouldn't have had to come out here last night at 2 a.m. to smoke. I don't think it's safe."
MacYapper - DO YOU FREAKING BELIEVE THAT SHIT?
This imbecile actually thinks that the best thing to do for her daughter, HOOKED UP TO LIFE SUPPORT EQUIPMENT FIGHTING FOR HER LIFE, is to sit there next to her and make sure she breathes in some carcinogens by smoking right next to her.
SHE'S FIGHTING FOR HER LIFE AND IMBECILE BELIEVES BLOWING POISON GAS INTO HER LUNGS WILL DO THE TRICK!
Jesus, God, how do people function on earth with such tiny little brains?
But wait, the best is yet to come. Get a load of this:
POST-GAZETTE.COM:The mother from Beechview pointed out that hospital workers wearing scrubs or lab coats -- some with stethoscopes around their necks -- were crossing four lanes of heavy traffic on Fifth Avenue to smoke on sidewalks in front of businesses across the street from Children's.
The woman was smoking as she sat on the bench with Ms. Minear on the same side of the street as the hospital "because I believe this sidewalk is public property, not UPMC property. Yes, I should quit smoking, but my son has cancer and we're all under a lot of stress. This is not a good time to try to quit smoking."
MacYapper - "MY SON HAS CANCER AND WE'RE ALL UNDER A LOT OF STRESS"!
Cancer. The kid's got cancer. I know, I know, we don't know if it's lung cancer.
But wouldn't that make you think maybe you SHOULD give up smoking? And if your son has cancer, any kind of cancer, do you think if he breathes second hand smoke that will help him?
Wake up and smell the addiction honey. Might as well face it, you're addicted to crap.
POST-GAZETTE.COM:Ms. Minear has been living in the hospital for the last three weeks while her daughter, 7-month-old Cheyenne Ferrell, battles a life-threatening but still undiagnosed illness.
"Her father would like to be here with us, but he is in West Virginia working and caring for our other three children," Ms. Minear said. "I have no family or friends here with me. All that I ask is to be able to smoke my cigarettes.
MacYapper - You know what's really great when you're trying to recover from a life-threatening but still undiagnosed illness? Breathing second hand cancer stick smoke. That's the best thing ever. No, really.
You know, all Ms. Minear asks is that she be able to smoke her cigarettes. All she asks is that she be allowed to infect others with her poison. Is that too much to ask? Of course not. Be reasonable for chrissakes.
BTW, it might occur to Ms. Minear that she IS being allowed to suck her cancer sticks. She was doing it when she was talking to the reporter. There she was.
Smoking. No one was depriving her. SHE'S JUST NOT ALLOWED TO DO IT IN A BUILDING FULL OF SICK PEOPLE TRYING TO GET WELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ok I'm done.
PIRATE PROTEST - BOOM OR BUST?1000 people out of 26 grand or so get up and walk out. Is that meaningful or laughable?
Does it make a point?
POST-GAZETTE.COM:http://www.post-gazette.com/pg/07183/798657-294.stmNot all of the protesters were wearing green shirts. A group of 30 fans seated on the Southwest Airlines Flight Deck up over left field were wearing white T-shirts with the label "Axis of Evil" under the pictures of owners Bob Nutting and Kevin McClatchy and General Manager David Littlefield.
"I've been a Pirate fan ever since I was born. But now, I'm not really feeling it," said Gil Lancia, 23, of Baldwin Borough. "The Pittsburgh Steelers give us something to think about every year. They get us excited at least. The Pirates ain't doing nothing. They're just not giving us any hope whatsoever."
MacYapper - It would easy to be able to characterize this as a dud, but I would call it a minor success.
It did garner quite a bit of local publicity. It allows for the possibility of a second, better organized, more effective protest down the road.
It was ironic, or weird, or something that they scored half a dozen runs in the second inning before the protest got a chance to take shape. I guess it made the players feel better about themselves.
I do think the fans who were pissed at the protesters are idiots. A guy called into the radio show last week and said his kids love baseball and he would have to explain why the protesters were angry to them. Too freaking bad Bozo. Jesus, if that's tough, how are you going to explain the war in Iraq to these pansies you're raising?
Bob Smizik's column on this was interesting, evoking the ghost of Tricky Dick:
POST-GAZETTE.COM:http://www.post-gazette.com/pg/07183/798676-194.stmIn 1969, President Richard Nixon coined a phrase that gained immediate popularity and a permanent place in the American lexicon: The silent majority. Nixon was referring to the people who he believed supported the strategy of his presidency in the Vietnam War, not those who boisterously demonstrated against it in the streets.
A parallel situation exists in this region, although on a far less significant matter. The silent majority of Pirates ticket buyers has spoken: Down with protests; up with the status quo.
The outcries against the Pirates have been numerous and venomous. They come from newspaper columnists, talk-show hosts, talk-show callers, bloggers and just plain fans. They're tired of losing, tired of low payroll, tired of massive mismanagement. They want change and they want it now.
But when a well-organized protest, run by legitimate Pirates fans, was attempted Saturday night during the team's game against the Washington Nationals, the silent majority did what they're supposed to do. They shut up and stayed the course.
MacYapper - I'm afraid Bob's analogy may be all to apt. Just how apts can you get? There was some comic a long time ago who had a bit about a furn. apt.
I wish I could remember it. Too much acid.
Anyway, Smizik sums it up nicely. And rather depressingly:
POST-GAZETTE.COM:In a silence that was quite eloquent, the fans spoke: They would love to have a winning team, but they just love having a team. They love their beautiful ballpark. They love bobbleheads and fireworks and having their kids run the bases after Sunday home games. They view coming to PNC Park as a nice day at the ballpark, not a "we-must-be-victorious" situation. They can handle the losing. There are far greater priorities in life than having a winning baseball team.
MacYapper - Yes, I suppose one could argue that in that sense the fans suck as much as the team, allowing the team to keep on sucking.
Wasn't there an Eddie Kendricks song like that?
Too much acid.
MAC-YAPPER COMEDY AUDIOBits from the show available at:
www.MySpace.com/MacYapperMAC-YAPPER COMEDY THIS MONTH!July 10th THE BRILLO BOX on Penn Avenue
July 14th THE BACKSTAGE BAR Downtown Next To The O'Reilly Theater
July 18th THE SEX, POLITICS, AND RELIGION SHOW with Gab Bonesso and Gene Collier and others at THE IMPROVE
July 28th BACK AT THE BACKSTAGE BAR Downtown Next To the O'Reilly Theater
THE JOHN MCINTIRE SHOW 1-4 PM 93.7 THE ZONEListen Live at
www.937thezone.com
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