HAPPY NEW YEAR ASSWIPES EDITION

WATCH A T-V SHOW!


SPONSORED BY IZZAZU SALON... WHERE BAD PITTSBURGH HAIR GOES TO DYE.


www.izzazu.com

Yo MacYippers!

HOLY SHIT! BREAKING NUDES!

BENNY RAPISTBERGER ENGAGED?!

POST-GAZETTE.COM:

http://www.post-gazette.com/pg/11004/1115499-100.stm
If Ben Roethlisberger is engaged to be married, he doesn't want to talk about it. But a lot of other people do.

The social media have been all a-Twitter with congratulations for the Steelers quarterback, who purportedly popped the question to a young woman from Hickory, Lawrence County, over the Christmas holidays.

Asked point blank today if he was engaged, Mr. Roethlisberger declined to answer, except to say he wouldn't talk about his private life.


Other outlets aren't so dainty and "journalistic" (c'mon PG, wake up, there are NO rules). They name this little girly rube (just assumin') as Ashley Harlan. As you see, she's from "Hickory, Lawrence County." You just know she'd have to be a big ol' Bumpkinette.

So, is this another genius PR move? Or is it one more instance of Large Benjamin stepping on his snake? Because doing this now means it might leak out now (as it probably did in a GA bathroom, but they cleaned it up before anyone could get to it). And if it's leaking, it'll be yapped about. And if it'll be yapped about it'll be yapped about in the context of "WTF, shouldn't this guy wait for things to die down a little bit?"

Is there such a thing as Rapist Rebound?

What the hell's is hurry? Clearly he likes to play the field. Despite my criticism of Enormo Benito, I at least was glad he had the good sense to NOT get married and just be a Ho. Be what you are. And if you gots yourself an appetite for a variety of foods, don't go chainin' yourself to the cheeseburger.

Dumbass.

And another thing... if you actually did pop the question (instead of the cherry without permission), did you think it WOULDN'T LEAK OUT? Why not wait until AFTER the playoffs?

Dumbass. And why do you think you wouldn't be expected to talk about your personal life? You're a public figure, dumbass, people ARE going to ask about something like this, especially in context.

Dumbass.

Of course, he's earning kajillions and I'm sitting here in my underwear typing.

Anyway, I'm pretty sure rape doesn't count as cheating. So Ginormo Benny has found another loophole. At least I think that's what he calls 'em.

THE YEAR OF THE ASSWIPES

Brett Favre is an asswipe. I've never been able to reconcile the spelling of his name with the illiterate dyslexic pronunciation offered by this 'wipe from Billy-ville.



I don't care at all that he is once again accused of sexually harassing women. He's a pro football player. It's part of their job. And kudos to Fav-rey for not raping the chicks. Then he'd have to orchestrate a conspiracy in which officials and players are asswipes to him on the field, thereby excusing previous, um, rapes.

But not everyone is as clever as Benny Rapist-berger. I'd like my Rapist-berger rare. And he is.

Here's why Captain Corn-pone is an idjit.

CBSNEWS.COM:
http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2011/01/04/earlyshow/leisure/celebspot/main7211589.shtml
The harassment suit -- filed by Christina Scavo and Shannon O'Toole -- claims Favre sought to have group sex with Scavo and an unnamed third therapist. He allegedly texted: "Brett here you and crissy want to get together im all alone." And a second message cited in the lawsuit said, "Kinda lonely tonight, I guess I have bad intentions."

According to Scavo, Favre "eyed her like a hanging slab of beef" and, after telling her husband about the texts, he confronted Favre on the phone and demanded an apology. Favre, the suit claims, refused. Scavo and O'Toole say that, because of the incidents, they "were never again called to provide massage therapy for the Jets" and that a Jets employee told O'Toole: "Chrissy and you will never work for the Jets again," and, "Keep your mouth shut."

Rumors about the alleged harassment began to surface back in the fall, when Favre was facing another scandal: He was accused of leaving suggestive voicemail messages and sending lewd pictures to Jets sideline reporter Jenn Sterger.

He's an asswipe because, wait for it... THE MORON PUT IT IN WRITING!

When you text, you're going to get caught. Of course it is King Asswipe's superior ego that makes him think he's bulletproof even when he hands the evidence to litigious bimbos on a silver platter.

IDJIT! But then, how bright can one be when one sends a photo of one's penile cheesehead to a prospective cheesehead receptacle. Not to mention, LEAVES FREAKING VOICEMAILS.


I'm sorry. Perhaps it's ridiculous that I'm amazed that a pro football player is a fucking idiot.

But seriously. Clearly you can be really good at hurling a spiral down the field and still be the biggest dumbass this side of the state of Mississippi. Or the other side for that matter. We're talking global dumbassery.

Handy hint for those doing something they shouldn't be doing... NOTHING IN WRITING, NOTHING IN VOICEMAILING, NO PENIS PICS YOU PERSONIFICATION OF STUPIDITY YOOZ!

Same for the dumbass Naval Commander who had to put his homophobic comedy skits on video.


AOLNEWS.COM:
http://www.aolnews.com/2011/01/03/experts-capt-owen-honors-navy-career-is-over-after-raunchy-vi/
The naval career of Capt. Owen Honors, who apparently produced, broadcast and even starred in raunchy and homophobic videos made aboard a nuclear aircraft carrier, will be over in a matter of days, according to military experts.

"He's done. His career is over," Stephen Saltzburg, the general counsel of the National Institute of Military Justice and a law professor at George Washington University, told AOL News in a phone interview today. "This is just bad judgment -- horribly bad judgment."

Captain Owen Honors is apparently smart enough to run a giant navy aircraft carrier but not smart enough to destroy any an all evidence pointing to his major league asswipery.



You're not Seth Myers. You're not in Second City. You're a naval commander. Give some orders. Swab some decks. Kill some foreigners. You wanna put on a show? DON'T VIDEOTAPE IT YOU G.D. IDJIT!

And finally, the biggest asswipes on the planet, Congressional Republicans.

They know they can't repeal health care. You know they can't repeal health care. Don't have the votes. But they're introducing a bill destined to fail anyway, because they're asswipes.

WASHINGTONPOST.COM:
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2011/01/03/AR2011010305520.html
The repeal legislation will be a brief document that simply revokes the law. Obama signed the measure in March after a legislative battle that lasted nearly a year and proved politically bruising. Democrats have since suggested that it was worth the fallout.

Although many Democrats distanced themselves from the legislation during the November elections, some liberals want to use this next phase as a chance to reframe the debate in their favor, particularly as the effects of the legislation.

Hmmm. Democrats plan to strongly, vociferously, enthusiastically, defend the principle of passing legislation attempting to actually give EVERYONE health insurance.

The concept of people being able to actually get and afford health care. Quite the fanciful notion.

Wait, it's not. It's the obvious thing we all ought to be striving for. But Dems pussied out, ran away, hid under the covers.

How'd that work out for you in the last election?

Yes, Democrats, too, dabble in asswipery.

But Republicans invented and perfected it.

Republicans don't mind putting their asswipe behavior in a public document. Because they know one third of the people (GOP hardcore nazis) will follow them no matter what, one third will hate them no matter what, and they have at least a decent chance of bamboozling the middle with the big lie.

The gullible in the middle. Might be the biggest asswipes in history.

So what have we learned? Don't put it in writing, on voicemail, or video, unless you're DYING to get caught, you cloth-used-to-clean-out-the-doogie.

Unless you're the preeminent con men of this or any other generation known as Republicans.

This has been a public service provided by the MacYapper Anti-Asswipery Association.

Now go back to work before your boss catches you reading this tripe.

I'm guessin' he's an asswipe.


INTERNET TEE VEE SHOW - GENERATION WARS!

\

ROCK ON MAC-YIPPERS!

Email me at johnmcintire@comcast.net