MacYapper: March 2009

Tuesday, March 31, 2009

AMERICANS NOT ALWAYS DUMB EDITION

MacYapper - John McIntire

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NEXT PITTSBURGH PUNDITS POLITICAL COMEDY/PANEL SHOW SATURDAY, APRIL 18th!
CABARET THEATER! 10:30 PM!
More info? Click here!

http://www.pgharts.org/events/EventDetails.aspx?id=144643

Next Comedy Show - Gab Bonesso/Fallen Catholic
April 4th 8pm Peter Mills Auditorium Duquesne University
MacYapper and other comics back up a one woman regurgitation/live therapy session with Gab.

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Yo, MacYippers!

So I don't have to tell you that Americans aren't always the brightest knife in the drawer.

Just ask your neighbor. Or just look at him and be in awe of his empty headed idiocy.

But they are pretty damn good at recognizing the obvious.

A new poll shows most Americans don't blame Barack for the shitty economy.

And do you know why?

Um... because it's NOT HIS FAULT. Helllloooo???

http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20090331/pl_nm/us_obama_poll_economy
WASHINGTON (Reuters) – U.S. President Barack Obama benefits from a broadly held perception that others bear the bulk of responsibility for state of the U.S. economy, according to a Washington Post/ABC News poll published on Tuesday.

Asked who was responsible for the economic meltdown, 80 percent in the poll blamed banks, financial institutions and corporations. Some 70 percent also blamed consumers for taking on too much debt and the former Bush administration for lax regulation. Only 26 percent said the Obama administration was not doing enough to turn the situation around.

MacYapper - So when you hear your idiot friends parroting Sean Hannity's anti-Barack talking points, just know that it's only a tiny percent of the population who are actually buying that bullshit.

The ditto-heads and their ilk actually believe they have some growing movement.
They think RNC Chairman Michael Steele isn't the Goddamn idiot he is.
They believe Bobbie Jindal is a quality public speaker.
They believe their "socialism" nonsense is sticking.
They dream that Ronald Reagan will be exhumed and brought back to life.
"Way-ell."
They have always been pathetic, but now they are pathetic and completely out of power.
It is a new world order. And not the kind Poppy was talking about.

TIMESONLINE.COM:
Two-thirds of respondents approve of the way Obama is handling the presidency, and 60 percent approve of the way he is handling the economy.

Sixty-four percent said were confident Obama's policies will improve the economy, down from 72 percent just before he took office in January.

Forty two percent said the country was now heading in the right direction, a five-year high. Late last year, when then-President George W. Bush was in its final months, as many as nine in 10 American said the country was heading in the wrong direction.

MacYapper - Yes, some former true believers have become skeptics. And we should all be skeptical of power, whether in government or the corporate world, even if Jesus IS in charge.

But the average numb nuts with half a clue can see we have a bright, energetic, intelligent leader who's doing his best to reverse the horrific policies of the past.

And the dude can talk and everything.

How the hell did he become President of these Yoo-Nited States of Amurica?

BIG DOG ON THE MOVE

MacYapper - The big fella is on the move. He's meeting with the other Big Dogs in Europe. He'll say, "Dudes, could you do some sort of Stimulus package?"

And they'll say "Dude, we love your half-black arse, but don't be tellin' us how to spend our money."

And then they'll issue some conciliatory, bland, irrelevant statement about nothing.

And then everyone will go home. Unless, you know, they already live there.

One troublemaker is threatening to return us to the moronic days of "Freedom Fries."

TIMESONLINE.COM:
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/politics/G20/article6005810.ece

President Sarkozy yesterday threatened to wreck the London summit if France’s demands for tougher financial regulation are not met.
MacYapper - Blah blah blah.
Or as the French say, Hoh, hoh, hoh.
Is that how you spell it?

Nik is just talkin' all tough because if he storms out, he's got something hot waiting for him.

Who would rather sit in a room with a bunch of mostly stuffy old white men?
On the other hand, not everyone is so lucky.
Take the Australian First Lady.
Please.

You goin' down under?

By contrast, the Italian First Lady is all that and a bag of ravioli.

Figures the Frogs and the Dagos would get all the babes, while the Aussies are too drunk too see what they're getting into.

Sexist much?

American much?

POP YOUR POLITICAL POP CHERRY!

Here is the latest edition of the fusion of Pop Culture and Politics, the fastest rising podcast on the internets, and I say that because no one can disprove it, John McIntire and Gab Bonesso's POLITICAL POP!

Want to download this podcast? Click below.

http://www.talkshoe.com/talkshoe/web/talkCast.jsp?masterId=38142&cmd=tc

Or you can go to www.itunes.com and subscribe. You have to click on "Podcasts" and then search "Political Pop."

SEE YOU THIS SATURDAY AT DUQUESE UNIVERSITY!
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ROCK ON MAC-YIPPERS!

email me at johnmcintire@comcast.net

Monday, March 30, 2009

SEND IN THE CLOWNS EDITION

MacYapper - John McIntire

FREE CYRIL!

www.izzazu.com

NEXT PITTSBURGH PUNDITS POLITICAL COMEDY/PANEL SHOW SATURDAY, APRIL 18th!
CABARET THEATER! 10:30 PM!
More info? Click here!

http://www.pgharts.org/events/EventDetails.aspx?id=144643

Next Comedy Show - Gab Bonesso/Fallen Catholic
April 4th 8pm Peter Mills Auditorium Duquesne University
MacYapper and other comics back up a one woman regurgitation/live therapy session with Gab.

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Yo, MacYippers!

Thanks for your indulgence while I dealt with family matters back in Kankakee, Illinois, which, for the uninitiated, is Native American for "Please God don't let me die here."

POLITICAL POP!

From American Idol to American Socialism, the latest Political Pop Podcast from MacYapper and Gab Bonesso.

Want to download this podcast? Click below.

http://www.talkshoe.com/talkshoe/web/talkCast.jsp?masterId=38142&cmd=tc

Or you can go to www.itunes.com and subscribe. You have to click on "Podcasts" and then search "Political Pop."

ONE OF THE STUPIDEST THINGS EVER

The stupidest thing I've heard for quite some time, and that includes idiotic remarks by Palin and Michael Steele so it's a high hurdle to cross, is that there is actually a government funded program which sends a clown to schools to preach abstinence.

Insert obvious "we had a clown running the country for 8 years" joke here.

As I learned in Sunday's Post-Gazette, there's a guy named Derek who dresses up like a clown, juggles in front of kids, acts as if there's some parallel between his dangerous jugging and kids' dangerous boinking... and this guy actually gets paid for this.

POST-GAZETTE.COM - STACIE MURPHY COLUMN:
http://www.post-gazette.com/pg/09088/958826-109.stm
Derek, whose videos have been floating around the Internet for a few weeks now, works for an Ohio organization that gets federal tax money to provide abstinence-only education. He tells kids that they should avoid pre-marital sex because it's like juggling machetes, and then he illustrates the danger by, well, juggling machetes. One might note that Derek undermines his own argument; if he were serious about making his point, he'd cut off a hand and have to be rushed into surgery.

Here is the video of this dildo doing his thing.

So of course this is right wing nuttery gone wild.
Is that redundant?

But here's the depressing thing.

POST-GAZETTE.COM - STACY MURPHY COLUMN:
Since 1996, the federal government has spent more than a billion dollars on abstinence-only programs. Groups like Derek's use taxpayer money to tell teens that using condoms is like playing Russian roulette, that women need men for "financial support" while men need women for "domestic support," and that premarital sex will ruin their ability to ever have a happy marriage or family life.

MacYapper - Your MacYapper is so tired of wasting money. Now I know Everett Dirksen's old saying has to be updated.

A trillion here, and trillion there, and pretty soon you're talking real money.

But wasting ONE BILLION FREAKING DOLLARS on trying to teach children to go against the laws of nature is just ludicrous.

If they can stay strong and not do the nasty, swell.
If not, we gots ta edjumacate them about condominiums and stuff.

But why can't the local health teacher just give them the Goddamn facts? Why do we need to pay outside "clowns" to deliver a very simple, very straightforward message?

And as the great religious and social philosopher Bristol Palin recently observed, abstinence-only Ed. is "totally unrealistic."

Like, totally dude.

I don't know if the government is still issuing grants for this nonsense.

But I pray one of Barack's minions has discovered this lunacy and killed it.

JOHNNY MAC COMING TO HIS SENSES

Everybody who's anybody in the Republican Party knows John McCain is so coo-coo, Cocoa Puffs doesn't want to get near him.

But some semblance of sanity is appearing to creep back into his creepy head.

Because while he gave a typically insincere lukewarm endorsement to the idea of Sarah Palin getting into the 2012 Prez race in Meet The Press, he did NOT endorse her as his Rave Fave.

GAWKER.COM:
http://gawker.com/5189244/mccain-on-president-palin-id-have-to-see
"I'd have to see," he said when asked about the Alaska governor, and suggested he might support Louisiana Governor Bobby "Kenneth the Page" Jindal or Minnesota Governor Tim Pawlenty. Anyone hear the sound of a bus running over someone?

MacYapper - BTW, what a pathetic group lightweights.
Pawlenty actually has a brain, but ZERO charisma. I'm talkin' NADA.

Having said that, to quote Tricky Dick, let me make one thing perfectly clear.

John McCain is still an asshole's asshole for promulgating even the NOTION that this nitwit of nitwits could be a faint heartbeat away from running the free world when we face the biggest crisis since, like, ever... or a really long time... like the Depression or something.

I'm sorry. I was just temporarily possessed by the Valley Girl mind of Johnny Mac's daughter Meghan.

Forgive me.

My point is that John McCain should NOT be allowed to creepy crawl his way back onto our list of acceptable for a Republican Republicans.

Picking Palin was the most irresponsible thing a Presidential candidate has ever done. Ever.

Like, ever.

UPCOMING COMEDY GIGS INFO AVAILABLE AT:
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ROCK ON MAC-YIPPERS!
email me at johnmcintire@comcast.net

Monday, March 23, 2009

STEP AWAY FROM THE COMPUTER EDITION

MacYapper - John McIntire

FREE CYRIL!

www.izzazu.com

NEXT PITTSBURGH PUNDITS POLITICAL COMEDY/PANEL SHOW SATURDAY, APRIL 18th!
CABARET THEATER! 10:30 PM!
More info? Click here!

http://www.pgharts.org/events/EventDetails.aspx?id=144643

Next Comedy Show - Gab Bonesso/Fallen Catholic
April 4th 8pm Peter Mills Auditorium Duquesne University
MacYapper and other comics back up a one woman regurgitation/live therapy session with Gab.

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Yo, MacYippers!

I am dealing with an illness in the family, so I'll be stepping away from the MacYapper blog for a few days.

Please feel free to enjoy past episodes, which include, among other things, the latest "Political Pop" podcast.

Although really, if you're digging through past MacYappers, you have less of a life than I do.

Be well.

Be groovy.

UPCOMING COMEDY GIGS INFO AVAILABLE AT:
www.myspace.com/MacYapper

ROCK ON MAC-YIPPERS!

email me at johnmcintire@comcast.net

Friday, March 20, 2009

WORLD'S TINIEST BLOG EDITION

MacYapper - John McIntire

FREE CYRIL!

8pm too early? You're more of a comedic political junkie?
Try the Cabaret Theater 10:30 PM 7th St. and Penn Ave. downtown Pittsburgh.
Gab and I do comedy. Councilman Bill Peduto, former Mayoral candidate Mark DeSantis, and PG cartoonist Rob Rogers fill out the panel! Click to enlarge.

See yinz tonight!

RANDOM THUOGHTS

Random thoughts.

*Chris Dodd is kind of a weasel, but the much bigger weasel is Tim Geithner.
I'm blaming everything on him because since High School I've made it a rule to always blame the wimpy nerd who can't fight back.

*I felt sorry for some of the A.I.G. guys until I read this in today's NYT.
http://www.nytimes.com/2009/03/20/opinion/20johnson.html?_r=1&ref=opinion
A.I.G. can hardly claim that its generous bonuses attract the best and the brightest. So instead, it defends the payments by arguing they’re needed to retain employees who are crucial for winding down transactions that are “difficult to understand and manage.” In other words, only the people who stuck the knife into the American International Group can neatly extract it for a decent burial.

There is no reason to believe this.

MacYapper - In other words, never trust a banker.

*Or an insurer.

*Obama can go on the Tonight Show and the idiots who criticize him for not being Presidential enough are maroons stuck in the past or Republicans obsessed with the Imperial Presidency.

*Obama screwed up by comparing his horrible bowling to the "special olympics."
Everybody knows the unwritten rule in politics.
You never criticize the retards of the previous administration until AT LEAST one year has gone by.

*The Governor of South Carolina, Mark Sanford, is refusing some stimulus funds. He knows the legislature can overrule him and take the money anyway.
So he gets to look brave, but really his another disingenuous douche.

*Translation, '08 Prez candidate.

*They're already polling for '08.
Obama 55%
Palin 35%

Scientific proof that at least 35% of Americans are complete idiots.
But then, you knew that.
Still, nice to have some evidence.

*There's a new companion site to Twitter.
It's called Twatter.
I'm following Ann Coulter on Twatter.
Ann writes "hey, I just urinated on some random Democrats and fucked a football team. Well, gotta fly."

*You can also follow Meghan McCain and Laura Ingraham on Twatter.
Laura still says Megan is chunky. Anyone who saw Rush Limbaugh at the recent conservative rally knows you have to be a big fat pig to be a leader in the GOP.

*That's all folks.

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Thursday, March 19, 2009

IS CHRIS DODD A WEASEL? EDITION

MacYapper - John McIntire

FREE CYRIL!

NYTIMES.COM:
http://www.nytimes.com/2009/03/19/business/19liddy.html?ref=us
“Six months ago I came out of retirement to help my country,” said Mr. Liddy, 63, a former chief executive at Allstate insurance. “At the government’s request I’ve had the duty and extraordinary challenge of serving as chairman and chief executive officer of American International Group, or A.I.G.”

Mr. Liddy has no doubt questioned that decision on more than one occasion.

MacYapper - Um, yeah.
And if Chris Dodd did indeed insert the provision into the Stimulus Package that allowed these bonuses to go forward, and he did it at the request of the Administration (Dodd's claim, as yet unproven), and Ed Liddy is only hangin' to do us a solid, and some of the remaining bonus guys are helping us untangle the tangled web we weave when first the other guys promised to deceive...

Who's the real villain here? Or is there plenty of blame to go around?
Or are we obsessing in a piddly amount when we should be focusing on the big picture?

NYTIMES.COM:
http://www.nytimes.com/2009/03/20/business/20bailout.html?ref=politics
What’s more, Republicans asserted, the Democrats are mostly responsible for the A.I.G. bonus debacle, since Senator Christopher J. Dodd of Connecticut, chairman of the Senate Banking Committee, inserted language in President Obama’s economic stimulus package — not to be confused with the TARP legislation, passed in the waning days of the Bush administration, by the old Congress — to exempt bonuses granted by contract before Feb. 11 from general restrictions on bonus payments.

MacYapper - Now why would Chris Dodd, the classic Senator from Central Casting, why would he do this?

Palsy walsy with Wall Street muckety mucks?
He is the leading accepter, if you will, of A.I.G. campaign contributions!

But no, says the not yet doddering Dodd.

He says Timmy G. told him to do this.

ABCNEWS.COM:
http://abcnews.go.com/Politics/story?id=7121125&page=1
"I did not want to make any changes to my original Senate-passed amendment, but I did so at the request of administration officials, who gave us no indication that this was in any way related to AIG," Dodd said. "Let me be clear -- I was completely unaware of these AIG bonuses until I learned of them last week."

MacYapper - And by "administratino officials" he means Timmy Geithner.

But whoa, Nellie, rub your belly, crap your pants 'till they're good and smelly.

Ma man Timmy G. gives the old Washington mantra, deny, deny, deny.

ABCNEWS.COM:
http://abcnews.go.com/Politics/Story?id=7121125&page=2
But the official told ABC News that Treasury did not insist on any exemption. As the official put it, Treasury had no leverage in the situation because everyone knew the president would sign the stimulus bill, so it was up to Congress to decide what to include.

Dodd is not the only Democratic senator denying any culpability. Sen. Max Baucus of Montana is the chairman of the Senate Finance Committee and an appointed conferee on the stimulus bill. But on Tuesday, he said the bill was written mostly by Senate and Treasury staffers, who were responsible, he said, for changing the language.

MacYapper - Hmmmm. Nobody saw nuttin'.

So Eddy Liddy says Bernanke knew. Chrissy Dodd says Timmy G. knew, but Timmy G. says no way.
Max Baucus says no nefarious caucus.

What is a MacYipper to conclude?

Your MacYapper continues to wonder (a.) why it isn't easier to find this shit out with definitiveness and (b.) which finger pointing weasel is lying.

As of now... undetermined.
Unclear.

I still think in the end this is mostly a sideshow and an excuse for the GOP to pretend they have principles and a backbone, when they continue to be utterly useless.

I'll give these journalistic bloodhounds one more day to find out who said what to whom when.

After that, I don't give a shit.
Give the bonuses, don't give the bonuses.

It's the disastrous economy, stupid!

HOUSE PASSES BILL TO TAX BONUSES 90% !

Can you do this retroactively? Only some Jurist will know for sure.

But this COULD be the answer that makes this nonsense disappear.

ASSOCIATED PRESS:
http://finance.yahoo.com/news/House-passes-bill-taxing-AIG-apf-14693850.html
WASHINGTON (AP) -- Denouncing a "squandering of the people's money," lawmakers voted decisively Thursday to impose a 90 percent tax on millions of dollars in employee bonuses paid by troubled insurance giant AIG and other bailed-out companies.

In some cases the bonuses might be taxed 100 percent leaving the recipients with nothing.

It was only this past weekend that the bailed-out insurance giant paid bonuses totaling $165 million to employees, including traders in the Financial Products unit that nearly brought about AIG's collapse.

MacYapper - Stay tuned.
Will the true weasels be revealed?
Will a new scandal overshadow this one?
Will America still care more about American Idol?
Why do Pittsburghers keep electing this lightweight doofus?
Why do birds suddenly appear every time you are near?

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Or if you're a portable kinda guy or gal, and want to download it, click below and go to the www.TalkShoe.com site and download Episode Five of Political Pop.
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email me at johnmcintire@comcast.net

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

BEATING A LIVE HORSE EDITION

MacYapper - John McIntire

FREE CYRIL!

Congressional Theater. I'm kinda done with this already. $165 million? Drop in the bucket.

Publicly flogging a CEO to take out our collective anger? Priceless.

Well, not priceless. It costs a hundred billion kajillion to bail these bastards out, along with the annoying $165 billion in bonus money.

If we can get the money back, swell. If not, get the F over it.

We've got bigger Fries to Fish.

And no, there's no relation to the infamous Watergate villain, the man with the plan, the plan to burglarize the Watergate, G. Gordon Liddy.

THROWING BERNANKE UNDER THE BUS!

WOW. A.I.G. MFIC Edward Liddy just essentially told a Congressional Committee this:

Liddy explained to the Congressmen and women that he had told Fed Chairman Ben "60 Minutes" Bernanke about these outrageous bonuses weeks ago.

But Liddy did NOT tell Treasury Secretary Geithner OR the Congressional Committee.

So, one is led to believe, Bernanke is palsy-walsy with the Wall Streeters, and didn't want to bother Geithner's perty little head with all this bonus stuff.

A Republican lawmaker has already asserted that Geithner had to know.
We don't know yet.

MARKETWATCH.COM:

http://www.marketwatch.com/News/Story/Story.aspx?guid={BDBF10F1-3158-4D62-B466-BDE425E67E80}
SAN FRANCISCO (MarketWatch) -- American International Group Chief Executive Edward Liddy said Wednesday that he's asked some employees of the insurer's derivatives unit to return half of the bonuses they received recently. Those who received bonuses of $100,000 or more have been asked to return at least half of those payments, Liddy explained. Some staff have already offered to return all the money, he added.

MacYapper - Barney Frank just axed for Liddy to provide a list of names of those who have, and those who have not, returned some or all of the bonus money.

Liddy said only if they remain confidential.

Franks said, Noper, need the names, need them to be public. He threatens to issue subpoenas.

This is a mess, and there is some legitimate anger, but it is largely a side show.
Let's get on with fixing the economy, bonuses or no bonuses.

POP CULTURE AND POLITICS - IT'S POLITICAL POP!

Our latest podcast, the fusion of pop culture and politics entitled "Political Pop" now be available.

You can click on the player below and listen... or...

Or if you're a portable kinda guy or gal, and want to download it, click below and go to the www.TalkShoe.com site and download Episode Five of Political Pop.
http://www.talkshoe.com/talkshoe/web/talkCast.jsp?masterId=38142&cmd=tc

Or, if you're an I-Tunes Freak, and who isn't, go to www.itunes.com and search political pop and subscribe to the damn thing there. You have to click on "Podcasts" and then search.
We're fourth on the Political Pop list, right after Rachel Maddow.

I hope to scrawl more later, although it is a beautiful day.

BTW, two outstanding comedy shows this weekend.
1 at The Brillo Box 4104 Penn Avenue 8pm. Gab headlines. Susie Meister, Eric Donaldson, Stoopid perform and MacYapper features. This Saturday March 21st.

Too early for yinz?

10:30 PM Cabaret Theater, 7th St. and Penn Ave. Dahntahn, Pittsburgh Pundits Comedy.
Gab and I do comedy. Councilman Bill Peduto, former Mayoral Candidate Mark DeSantis, and Post-Gazette political cartoonist Rob Rogers.

http://www.pgharts.org/events/EventDetails.aspx?id=144643

ROCK ON MAC-YIPPERS!

email me at johnmcintire@comcast.net

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

HAPPY ST. PATTY'S DAY DANDY DAN!

MacYapper - John McIntire

FREE CYRIL!

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NEXT PITTSBURGH PUNDITS POLITICAL COMEDY/PANEL SHOW SATURDAY, MARCH 21ST!
CABARET THEATER! 10:30 PM!
More info? Click here!

http://www.pgharts.org/events/EventDetails.aspx?id=144643

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Yo, MacYippers!

What's cooler than a six pack o' Superbowls?

Dandy Dan Rooney getting his just rewards for his excellent campaign work for the most Irish Prez since Reagan, Barack O'Bama!

POST-GAZETTE.COM:
http://post-gazette.com/pg/09076/956233-66.stm
President Barack Obama today announced his intent to nominate Steelers owner Dan Rooney as ambassador to Ireland.

In a statement from the White House, Mr. Obama said, "I am honored and grateful that such a dedicated and accomplished individual has agreed to serve as the representative of the United States to the Irish people. Dan Rooney is an unwavering supporter of Irish peace, culture, and education, and I have every confidence that he and Secretary [of State Hillary] Clinton will ensure America's continued close and unique partnership with Ireland in the years ahead."

MacYapper - Gotta hand it to my non-Irish buddy Mean Bill O'Green, political anal-yst extraordinaire.

He called this appointment months ago, shortly after the election.

I thought perhaps Dandy Dan was a little too, well, mumbly. In my short interaction with Mr. Rooney, on a long ago NightTalk episode and once running into him on the North Side, I found him to be a man of very few words.

Integrity? Yes. Sincerity? Yes.

But I frankly didn't know if he was generally articulate enough, or maybe the words I'm looking for is chatty enough, to endlessly socialize with the muckety mucks of the Emerald Isle.

But maybe I just don't know him. Or maybe that just doesn't matter.

Either way, it's a way cool green feather in his cap.

I'm sure the Chief would be psyched.

I wonder of Dapper Dan will require each Irish diplomat to interact with a Black Irishman?

BELUSHI'S CLASSIC BIT ON THE IRISH

My comedy buddy Gab Bonesso reminds me of one of the funniest comedic bits ever on the Irish.
Apparently it's in the NBC vaults so you can't see it on YouTube.

But here's some of the dialogue:

http://www.whysanity.net/monos/snl_belushi.html
Jane Curtin: And now we come to St Patrick's Day and John Belushi is here to discuss the luck of the Irish.
John Belushi: Thank you, thank you very much. Well, it's come that time again, St. Patrick's Day has come and gone and well, the sons of Ireland are basking in the glow. When I think of Ireland I think a lot of colorful Irish expressions like, "Top of the morning to ya," "Kiss the barney stone," "May the road rise to meet ya," "May you be in heaven an hour before the devil knows you're dead," "I'd like to smash you in the face with my shillelagh," "Danny-boy," "Begorra," "Wail of the banshee," and "Whiskey for the leprechauns, whisky for the leprechauns." But the expression I think most people identify with the Irish, is, of course, the luck of the Irish.
The luck of the Irish. Sure. Let's say you're in a pub somewhere in Ireland, oh, anywhere in Ireland, some guy comes up to you and says, "Hey is that a bomb on you I hear ticking?" And then BAM!!! Your small intestines are on the ceiling and your brains are on your car across the street. That's the luck of the Irish for ya, who's kidding who, okay?
Let's talk about the bad luck of the Irish, all right? How about this, POTATO FAMINE!! How about that? It scares them, doesn't it? Well, it should. That's why they came here in the first place. So they wouldn't have to work in the potato fields. That's why they became politicians, priests, and cops. Luck? Gimme a break.

MacYapper - BTW, if any of you crinkly faced yinzers want to learn something from your Irish brethren, THE ENTIRE FREAKING COUNTRY IS NON SMOKING!!!

Yes, even in Irish Pubs!!!!

Yes I am somewhat Irish. My older brother Bob could tell you much more authoritatively than I. But as I understand it, we started in Scotland, emigrated to Ireland, and then hauled our pasty white butts over here. Perhaps looking for some decent food or something.

Of course that's what I like about being Irish. They're always after me lucky charms.
And yes. They are.
Magically delicious.

WHY WE MAY JUST HAVE TO EAT A SHIT SANDWICH

MacYapper - I am ready to eat a shit sandwich for the greater good. If indeed, it is for the greater good.

Or, I'm ready to eat a shit sandwich if there's nothing else we can do. And there may be nothing else we can do.

Yes, $165 million dollars is a ridiculous amount of money to pay for "retention bonuses."

Yes, it's as ridiculous as it sounds that we would want to retain ANYBODY who screwed the pooch and caused A.I.G. to go down the shitter.

Hence the phrase "shit sandwich."

But two things are true. One, a bunch of A.I.G executives have already resigned.
The people left are allegedly the only ones who can untie this complex web of derivatives and begin to undo the mess.

Do you not understand? Me neither. But I get the undo the mess part. And IF at this point we're not being lied to again, and that's a big IF, we might need these assholes.

But more importantly, these contracts which spell out the bullshit bonuses were entered into a year ago.

And a contract is a contract. Period. Cold hard truth MacYippers.
Yes, there are sometimes loopholes. Yes, some contracts are illegal.
But lawyers for the Guv-ment, and they got some outside lawyers too, have looked at this and concluded that if these bonus weasels sued (if we denied the bonuses) they would win and it would cost the Guv-ment more in legal fees than the $165 million.

Sometimes you've just got to bend over and smell the coffee.

Or something.

One more thing. Under ordinary circumstances, I HATE the argument that, compared to the big picture, a small amount of money doesn't matter.
Because you can almost ALWAYS make that argument, and it means ANY argument against waste is rendered meaningless, because it's just a drop in the bucket.

Waste is waste. And these bonuses are bullshit. But, with the multi-billion kajillions we're handing out here, this truly is small potatoes, a drop on the bucket, a pebble on the beach, a grain of sand in the Ocean, pick your favorite saying and insert here.

NYTIMES.COM:
http://www.nytimes.com/2009/03/17/business/17sorkin.html?scp=5&sq=A.I.G.&st=cse
On that last issue, lawyers, Wall Street types and compensation consultants agree with the president. But from their point of view, the “fundamental value” in question here is the sanctity of contracts.

That may strike many people as a bit of convenient legalese, but maybe there is something to it. If you think this economy is a mess now, imagine what it would look like if the business community started to worry that the government would start abrogating contracts left and right.

As much as we might want to void those A.I.G. pay contracts, Pearl Meyer, a compensation consultant at Steven Hall & Partners, says it would put American business on a worse slippery slope than it already is. Business agreements of other companies that have taken taxpayer money might fall into question. Even companies that have not turned to Washington might seize the opportunity to break inconvenient contracts.

MacYapper - It is legalese and it is annoying. But, not to get all Republican on your ass, however we ARE a nation of laws. And they have to mean something.

And there's no clause in the contract that says "you get the bonus unless we all go down the shitter, and then you don't. "

Maybe there should be. But there isn't.

So yes, vent your outrage at the corporate assholes. You've FINALLY correctly identified the douchebags that deserve your wrath.

You're knee deep in the sour grapes of wrath.

Or something.

But don't get your panties in a bunch too much about A.I.G.

Now Harry Reid says he's got legislation all ready to go to get the money back.
I'm not sure why Congress can just pass a law to abrogate existing contracts.

NYTIMES.COM:
A.I.G. employees concocted complex derivatives that then wormed their way through the global financial system. If they leave — the buzz on Wall Street is that some have, and more are ready to — they might simply turn around and trade against A.I.G.’s book. Why not? They know how bad it is. They built it.

So as unpalatable as it seems, taxpayers need to keep some of these brainiacs in their seats, if only to prevent them from turning against the company. In the end, we may actually be better off if they can figure out how to unwind these tricky investments.

MacYapper - Yes, hell hath no fury like a scorned derivative douche.

So get over it. We've got bigger fish to fry. Well maybe not bigger. But we're probably just screwed here. Let's make the best of it.

Those of you who are married know what I mean.

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Monday, March 16, 2009

BLOND ON BLOND EDITION

MacYapper - John McIntire

FREE CYRIL!

And Goldwater didn't even wear a hat.
His opponent did.
And his opponent had plenty of cattle.

This photo of course was pre-Dallas.
Back then everyone was in black and white.
Back then politicians actually knew something about their subject matter.
Back then the vacuous vipers who occupy GOP leadership positions today wouldn't have risen so far.

But that was then. And this, as you may have guessed, is now.

And now the GOP is in such horrible disarray that they are searching everywhere, anywhere, for leaders. From the far flung fields of the frozen tundra, to the moronic myopic media morass.

If this guy would just donate his excess blubber we could solve Africa's famine problem.

Now it's tacky, but acceptable to make fun of Rush Limbaugh's tonnage.
But you can't get away with that with a woman.
So if you're implying that John McCain's daughter Meghan is a bit of a chunky monkey, that's out of bounds.

Unless you're one of those blond character assassins sponsored by the Republican Party. Like Laura Ingraham.

Talk host Laura hates Megan.

The blond beating the blond.

Laura hates Megan for criticizing the ultimate GOP blond bomber, Ann Coulter.
And Laura jokes about Meghan's Valley Girl patter, and her alleged chunky-osity.

Now there's a liberal fantasy.

Here's Megan's Daily Beast piece dogging Coulter.
No pun intended.

http://www.thedailybeast.com/blogs-and-stories/2009-03-09/my-beef-with-ann-coulter/
I straight up don’t understand this woman or her popularity. I find her offensive, radical, insulting, and confusing all at the same time.

MacYapper - So I happened to catch the interview with Megan on the Rachel Maddow show.
I was both heartened by her dead-on criticism of the evil conservatives who dominate the discourse of their now laughable political institution, and kind of annoyed by her Valley Girl speech patter.
Read the transcript or play the audio or both, won't you?

INGRAHAM MOCKING MEGHAN:
http://thinkprogress.org/2009/03/12/ingraham-meghan-mccain/
MCCAIN (on MSNBC): And I think there’s an extreme on both parties and I hate extreme. I don’t understand. I have friends that are the most radically conservative and radically liberal people possibly ever and we all get along. We can find a middle ground.

INGRAHAM (mocking): Ok, I was really hoping that I was going to get that role in the Real World, but then I realized that, well, they don’t like plus-sized models. They only like the women who look a certain way. And on this 50th anniversary of Barbie, I really have something to say.

MacYapper - OMG! Oh My Gawd! Where to begin? Where to end? Where have all the flowers gone?

24 year old Meghan McCain claims she has extreme liberal and conservative friends and they all get along hunky dory. They find a way to compromise or meet in the middle or "find common ground" she says.

That's very easy when you're having a few post-election drown-your-sorrows martinis.
Try finding "common ground" if you're in the Congress trying to affect policy, or pretend your party still has some principles, or both.

So Meghan should be commended for pointing out that the nutbags who speak for her party are nutbags. She's right, the way out of the wilderness isn't more nutbaggery.

But, not to be harsh Sweetie-Moo, you don't know shit from Shinola.
Although I admit I had to look up how to spell Shinola.

Your content, your writing, is, um, well, pretty basic.

And Laura's right. If you weren't Meghan McCain, nobody would give a flying poop about your opinions.

But you're right. Laura is a class A c__t for attacking your weight.
Of course, she was a class A c__t before that.

And you've already responded, haven't you?

MEGHAN RESPONDS TO CHUNKY MONKEY ALLEGATIONS:
http://www.thedailybeast.com/blogs-and-stories/2009-03-14/the-politics-of-size
I have nothing to hide: I am a size 8 and fluctuated up to a size 10 during the campaign. It’s ridiculous even to have this conversation because I am not overweight in the least and have a natural body weight.

But even if I were overweight, it would be ridiculous.

MacYapper - Yeah, it's ridiculous that she's attacking your weight. But because you're not much of a writer, that's kind of some weak shit your peddling there.

A "natural body weight"? What the hell is that? Everyone's body weight is natural. It's natural that they gain if they eat too much and exercise too little.
You ARE a size eight? But you went up to a size ten? Um, how can you tell what you "are" if you keep being something else?

But as you point out, it is irrelevant and ridiculous. Even if you were, are, might be, could possibly fluxuate toward, being overweight.

Laura should have stuck to to the naive general nature of your commentary, dead-on though it was about the evil Ann.

And I think the Valley Girl stuff is fair game. Because kids really need to stop talking like that. Because they sound stupid.

Are there, like, you know, seminars to teach you how to sound so illiterate?

But the weight thing is mean, nasty, vicious, unfair, uncalled for, and very very very typical of your typical Republican attack dog bitch. Not to be redundant.

In the end what have we learned?
This party could not possibly be any more pathetic.
Or could they?
Stay tuned.

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Friday, March 13, 2009

HAPPY HORSE-S**T EDITION

MacYapper - John McIntire

FREE CYRIL!

As you were.

Apparently Levi wasn't a good fit.
Of course she did get as big as a house.

Er, horse.

NYTIMES.COM:
http://www.nytimes.com/2009/03/13/us/politics/13memo.html?_r=1&scp=2&sq=palin&st=cse
It is news at the intersection of politics, sociology and gossip: Gov. Sarah Palin’s teenage daughter Bristol and her boyfriend, Levi Johnston, have called off their engagement, about 10 weeks after the birth of their child.

But it also speaks to the larger question of where the private becomes the public and whether, once the line is crossed, it is possible to go back.

MacYapper - This was all a show. These kids were never getting married.
The killer line in this piece comes from the lovely and talented Tina Fey as Sarah Barracuda.

NYTIMES.COM:
There is no way to know how the relationship might have turned out had Governor Palin been elected vice president. As the comedian Tina Fey put it in a parody last year of Governor Palin’s views: “I believe marriage is meant to be a sacred institution between two unwilling teenagers.”

MacYapper - Oh these teenagers were willing.
Just weren't interested in marriage.

In fact all teenagers are willing.
In fact that's why they should use contraception.
In fact that's why abstinence only sex-ed is f'ing stupid, or as Bristol put it a few weeks ago, "totally unrealistic."

NYTIMES.COM:
What is clear is that most pregnant teenagers are not married when their children are born. “The tale of Bristol Palin is not rare at all,” said Bill Albert, a spokesman for the National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy. He said that fewer than 8 percent of teenage mothers marry the baby’s father within a year. And those who do marry can face a rocky road: teenage marriages are twice as likely to fail as those in which the woman is at least 25.

MacYapper - So this doofus Mom didn't properly edjumucate her daughter about contraception. Still preaches abstinence.
And she wants to be President of the United States.
And God help the GOP, they just might nominate her.

To paraphrase the last doofus, bring it on!

HOMOS TO OBAMA - PUT UP OR SHUT UP

NYTIMES.COM:
http://www.nytimes.com/2009/03/13/us/politics/13benefits.html
WASHINGTON — Just seven weeks into office, President Obama is being forced to confront one of the most sensitive social and political issues of the day: whether the government must provide health insurance benefits to same-sex partners of federal employees.

MacYapper - A couple of federal judges have ruled in favor of the homos.
Obama insulted gays when he invited Rick Warren to do the invocation.
It's time to do the right thing and give them the freakin' benefits.

The downside? Right wing extremists will say he's the devil.

Um, er, they're already doing that.

FUNNIEST STORY OF THE DAY

POST-GAZETTE.COM:
http://post-gazette.com/pg/09072/955311-85.stm
Bishop David Zubik of the Catholic Diocese of Pittsburgh will hold a prayer service April 7 to apologize to anyone who has ever been hurt by someone acting in the name of the Catholic Church.

"If you have been harmed by the church in any way, I invite you to come. There will be nothing expected of you but your willingness to pray with me. No one will bother you," Bishop Zubik wrote in his column in the Pittsburgh Catholic. The service will be held at 7 p.m. in St. Paul Cathedral on Tuesday of Holy Week.

MacYapper - St. Paul Cathedral????
You'd better rent out Heinz Field, PNC Park, Mellon Arena and a couple of High School football stadiuims.
Mind you they're not just apologizing on behalf of the umpteen Chester the Molesters... every time a nun slapped your ass with a ruler, you can now go get a big fat apology for that by one of the highest muckety mucks to ever put on the funny hat and colorful costume!

Um, I've had some real snotty Catholics guilt trip me a lot over the years.
Does that count?

How about all the Catholics who've been unnecessarily made to feel awful about themselves who I felt sorry for because they couldn't break the grip of the cult?
Does that mean I can come?

IT'S NOT T-V... IT'S WQED'S OFF Q WITH MAC-YAPPER ETC.!
7:30 tongight. Replay at Midnight.
www.wqed.org

We'll talk about silly-ass Guv-ment contracts given to connected dweebs to teach state liquor store employees to be nice.

Sounds stupid just reading that one sentence. And it is.

Also, you can't burn couches if they're not allowed on the porch.

And you shouldn't buy your heroin at McDonalds.

And local H.S. kids fight. This is the kind of topic I have NO IDEA what we're supposed to say. Everyone's against fighting. We would prefer it didn't happen.
Thank you and goodnight.

And a local nutbag Democratic activist is suing the Convention Center because she slipped on a piece of cheesecake.

I'm really not sure how that is the fault of the Convention Center, and we taxpayers who own it.

But hey. There's a recession, don'tcha know.

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Thursday, March 12, 2009

RING AROUND THE MULBERRY BUSH EDITION

MacYapper - John McIntire

FREE CYRIL!

www.izzazu.com

NEXT PITTSBURGH PUNDITS POLITICAL COMEDY/PANEL SHOW SATURDAY, MARCH 21ST!
CABARET THEATER! 10:30 PM!

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Yo, MacYippers!

Frankly I'm not certain why I've named this the "ring around the mulberry bush" edition.

I guess it's just that we wake up each day, there's more insincere bullshit with which to deal, and the world keeps on turning.

Now your MacYapper already told you that RNC Chairman Michael Steele is a big-ass idiot.

When he tried to tell George Stephanopolous that Guv-ment jobs aren't real jobs, that's all I needed to know.

He was promoted too fast because they wanted their own prominent African American. As time and experience has shown, it was a big F'n mistake.

But then, the Republican Party is one big F'n mistake these days.

Leaderless, idealess, clueless, dickless.

That's right, the GOP has no dick.

As Dr. Venkman would know doubt point out.

But they do have balls. After all, it takes guts to act like you have an idea when you have none.

Now another flip flop by the Man of Steele.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20090312/ap_on_go_ot/steele_abortion
WASHINGTON – GOP national chairman Michael Steele said Thursday that he's opposed to abortion and that Roe v. Wade should be repealed, commenting a day after a magazine quoted him as saying abortion was "an individual choice." Steele clarified his stance in a written statement after online publication of the interview with GQ magazine.

Steele, who is adopted, said in the interview that his mother had the option of getting an abortion or giving birth.

He said: "You can choose life, or you can choose abortion." He said his mother chose life.

Asked whether he thought women had the right to choose abortion, Steele said: "Yeah. I mean, again, I think that's an individual choice."

MacYapper - Need I explain this maroon's flip-floppery?
Of course not. Just like during his Rush interview, he said the right thing, incurred the wrath of some right wing nuts, backed off, apologized like a little girl, and went slinking into the night.

Pussy. Baby. Clueless maroon.
Welcome to the new face of the Republican Party.
Jesus.

SUDDENLY FAST EDDIE THINKS CORRUPTION OUGHT TO BE PROBED

POST-GAZETTE.COM:

http://www.post-gazette.com/pg/09071/955066-454.stm
Gov. Ed Rendell called for an investigation of a Pennsylvania Liquor Control Board contract awarded to a top PLCB manager's husband, even as more details surfaced questioning the contract bidding process, including suspicions from competing firms that the award was "fishy" and seemed like an inside job.

MacYapper - Um, yeah, since Susanne Hobart is a PLCB Regional Manager and her husband Buddy's firm got the gig.

Apparently these fix-is-in bureaucrats made everybody else jump through some ridiculous hoops, and did it during Thanksgiving week.

Clearly Buddy had the inside track.

POST-GAZETTE.COM:
The request for proposals for the project was issued Nov. 17 and amended Nov. 25, two days before Thanksgiving. Responses to the 190-page request had to be returned 16 days later, on Dec. 11. The bid documents called on the firms to have a full employee education plan -- including writing lesson plans, printing and distributing them statewide, and hiring a full-time staffer based in Harrisburg -- in place and ready to go statewide by January, just one month after the bid deadline.

"It was ridiculous. ... Thanksgiving week -- are you kidding me? The return dates were absurd. There was no way you could get through it," said Monica Gould, president of Strategic Consulting Partners in Mechanicsburg, Cumberland County. "It's looking like [the winning bidder] had an inside track. In retrospect that makes sense."

MacYapper - Jerry-rigging the process to give insiders an edge is the oldest corrupt game in Guv-ment.
You make the rules the same for everybody, but you let the insiders know what's coming, so they're ready to rock and their proposal looks better by comparison.

Can I just remind everyone of the ABSURDITY OF SPENDING $173.000 TO TEACH LIQUOR BUREAUCRATS TO TALK IN THE FIRST PLACE?

May I also point out again that when money's tight, this is the kind of bullshit expenditure that can easily be eliminated?

Why the flip-flop by Fast Eddie whose office yesterday said there was nothing untoward?

Of course because this nonsense doesn't pass the smell test and Fast Eddie's no dummy. Whoever engineered this thinly veiled corruption is the dummy.

Still, MacYapper prediction - they find no wrongdoing, and this whole thing is swept under the rug, Buddy gets his bucks.

Explain again why ANYBODY'S SPOUSE should be allowed to bid on a project over which that person's spouse may have some influence?

Oh yes, government is corrupt.

I forgot.

SUCK ON THIS NAYSAYERS

The doom and gloom naysayers, spreading their nays far and wide, constantly uttering the word nay, have been telling us the Stock Market doesn't like Barack.

Suck on this Naysayers.

http://finance.yahoo.com/news/Wall-Street-rallies-after-a-apf-14621122.html
NEW YORK (AP) -- Investors have been clamoring for months for a bit of good news. On Thursday, they got a load of it.

The Dow Jones industrials shot up about 240 points, bringing its gains over the past three days to more than 600 points. It is the index's biggest three-day jump since last November.

The gains came as an accounting board told Congress it may recommend a let-up in accounting rules for troubled banks.

Stocks also got a boost after Bank of America's CEO said the company has been profitable this year and General Electric got its credit rating cut less than expected. General Motors also said it will not need a $2 billion loan it previously requested from the government.

MacYapper - Can't wait to see which fabricated bullshit nonsensical talking point the dickless come up with next.

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Wednesday, March 11, 2009

BIG MAC EDITION

MacYapper - John McIntire

FREE CYRIL!

www.izzazu.com

NEXT PITTSBURGH PUNDITS POLITICAL COMEDY/PANEL SHOW SATURDAY, MARCH 21ST!
CABARET THEATER! 10:30 PM!

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Yo, MacYippers!

I'LL HAVE A BIG MAC AND AN OUNCE OF HEROIN PLEASE

Authorities in Pittsburgh have ordered downtown McDonalds managers to stop selling prescription drugs.
http://post-gazette.com/pg/09070/954622-53.stm
Meanwhile, Mickey D's continues to get away with selling crap disguised as actual food.

One lawmaker is calling for an investigation of the "secret" sauce.
The secret's out.
It's crap.

The drugs allegedly being sold include the painkillers Vicodin and morphine, along with methadone and heroin.

When you think you can fly, anything tastes good.

Is it any coincidence that the founder of McDonalds last name is Kroc?

It's outrageous that McDonalds would be selling drugs!
Let's go down to the PA State Liquor store and drink ourselves into a stupor!

It's a bird, it's a plane, it's stupor man! Uh, woman.

CREATIVE RESPONSE WITH MARTHA STEWART

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20090309/ap_on_re_us/martha_stewart_s_dog

LEHIGHTON, Pa. – Martha Stewart's chow puppy was one of 17 dogs killed in an accidental propane explosion at an eastern Pennsylvania kennel.

MacYapper - Ever the creative entertaining guru, Stewart served up an amazing batch of chow puppy fritters, proving that with a little spice, and a dash of garlic, even charred animal remains can delight the fussiest of tastebuds at your next get-together.

KEN BURNS AFTER G-M CUTS FUNDING

Yes, General Motors, due to the tight economy, is eliminating funding for the legendary Ken Burns PBS documentaries.
http://www.nytimes.com/2009/03/10/arts/television/10arts-AFTERGMKENBU_BRF.html?ref=arts
Ken Burns’s 12-hour history of the national parks, which will be shown by PBS in September, will be his last documentary with financing from General Motors, a spokesman for Mr. Burns said.

MacYapper - Mr. Burns issued a statement saying he looks forward to securing funding for his new documentary.

The working title is "Why Can't G.M. Build A Decent Fucking Car That Anyone Would Want To Buy."

RIGHT TO BARE ARMS

New York Times Columnist David Brooks recently suggested that First Lady Michelle Obama cover up her arms because Washington is a bit prudish and wonkish.

Columnist Maureen Dowd disagreed, saying 'Chelle is rockin' some gorgeous guns and should let her freak flag fly.

MacYapper happily joins Dowd's Pro-Arms-Army, and is calling for an expansion of the policy.
Next up, The First Lady Booty-Licious Stimulus Package!

I'm not saying it's substantial, but Sarah Palin can see it from her house.

The first time Barack made a booty call he realized he'd need a bigger phone.

Tootie Fruiti, oh Bootie.

WHILE WE'RE OBSESSING ON BUMS...

A controversial website, www.pimpthisbum.com has garnered international attention. It purports to help the homeless, one bum at a time, starting with. Houston's Tim Edwards, who's been living on the street for five years.

The inevitable copycat websites have already begun to spring up, including
www.stop-me-from-drinking-my-own-urine.com
www.buddy-could-you-spare-a-prostitute.com
www.don't-smell-me-just-give-me-a-dollar.com

Not to be outdone, MacYapper has begun his own fundraising effort,
www.pimpthisopinionatedasshole.com

TO DREAM THE IMPOSSIBLE DREAM

Former Bush administration officials, including former White House Press Secretary Dana Perino, have begun a project designed to bolster former President George W. Bush's legacy, by pointing out the good things he did for the country.

Perino also promised the group eventually will be turning water into wine, chicken salad into chicken shit, transforming a sow's ear into a silk purse, and finding a way to stop Pittsburgh's population from shrinking.

Oh, and they're gonna make shit smell like perfume.

And some other stuff.

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Tuesday, March 10, 2009

SMALL TOWN BUMPKIN BOOBERY

MacYapper - John McIntire

FREE CYRIL!

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NEXT PITTSBURGH PUNDITS POLITICAL COMEDY/PANEL SHOW SATURDAY, MARCH 21ST!
CABARET THEATER! 10:30 PM!

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Yo, MacYippers!

Some political scandals are funny. Gotta love Blago, Burris, and the Chicago style classic corruption. They're thinkin' big time. Selling a U-S Senate seat?
That takes balls. Stupidity, arrogance, foolishness, sure. But balls.

Now the scandal I'm writing about now also takes balls. But it's just so small time.
PA has a number of small time crooks. They're in your City Council. They're in your legislature.

And they're DEFINITELY in that outmoded anachronistic piece of shit operation known at the Pennsylvania Liquor Control Board.

Why, again... why, oh why????? Why is the state trying to "control" liquor? A legal product?

Why is the state in the business of selling liquor?

And if the state is a drug dealer, why doesn't it "control" caffeine and nicotine and prescription drugs and pot?

We are a laughing stock because our state sells liquor. The concept is ludicrous.

Idiotic. Mind bogglingly dumbfoundingly asinine.

OK, let's accept for the moment that we're stuck here, because Dems are afraid of alienating the public employee unions, and the Guv-ment of either party likes handing out these cushy LCB gigs, which require no expertise, and are an easy paycheck for patronage pols.

But does that mean we actually have to waste money hiring an outside consultant to teach these liquor store dweebs HOW TO BE NICE TO PEOPLE????

I could do that myself. And I could do it for a lot cheaper than $173,000.

And I certainly could avoid the OBVIOUS FREAKING CONFLICT OF INTEREST INVOLVED WHEN THE REGIONAL MANAGER OF THE PLCB IS MARRIED TO THE PERSON WHOSE FIRM GOT THE CONTRACT TO TEACH CLERKS TO BE "NICE."

And then the Governor's office has the balls to act as if there's nothing untoward here? I like Fast Eddie Rendell as much as the next guy. But this is complete and utter bullshit.

POST-GAZETTE.COM:
http://post-gazette.com/pg/09069/954390-454.stm
The PLCB recently awarded a $173,000 contract to Solutions 21, a West End consulting firm whose president is married to the PLCB's Western Pennsylvania regional manager. The contract prompted demands for an explanation from two state senators despite assurances from an PLCB spokesman that the bidding process was entirely above board.

Buddy Hobart, president of Solutions 21, which is located at 152 Wabash Ave. in the city's West End neighborhood, is married to Susanne Hobart, the Western Pennsylvania regional manager for the state store system, the PLCB spokesman confirmed after the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette received an anonymous tip about the relationship.

Neither Mr. Hobart nor Mrs. Hobart returned calls for comment, but Mrs. Hobart "had no role in the procurement process," said Nick Hays, a spokesman for the PLCB. Five companies bid on the contract, he added, with the lowest submitted by Solutions 21, whose Web site describes it as "a national organizational and strategic consulting firm providing business advisory solutions in a rapidly evolving marketplace."

MacYapper - Buddy Hobart. Isn't that just the perfect name for small town bumpkin buffoonery?
"Hey Buddy, I think I can git you this contract?"
"Thanks Honey Bunny."

Mrs. Hobart had no role in the procurement process? Gee, do ya think maybe she knew who was the previous low bidder and could tip off good ol' Buddy so he could issue the lowest bid?

Could maybe this firm be disqualified from applying for this contract because TWO OF THE ESSENTIAL HUMANS ARE FREAKING MARRIED TO ONE ANOTHER?

Take the last train to Bumpkinville and I'll meet you at the station...

POST-GAZETTE.COM:
As one of three statewide regional managers, Mrs. Hobart will sit in on training sessions conducted by representatives of her husband's company, Mr. Hays acknowledged, but so will the system's other two regional managers, 29 district managers and 620 store managers.

MacYapper - Can you say WTF? I knew that you could.
Isn't that cute that the Hubbies will be magically, yet "accidentally" brought together by this "coincidence"?

My God, how stupid do they think we are? Let me answer that. They think we are very very stupid.

POST-GAZETTE.COM:
Such criticism was to be expected from longtime critics of the PLCB, countered Chuck Ardo, a spokesman for Mr. Rendell. "The LCB decided their retail staff needed some training to ensure courteous service," he said. "If the LCB were to find a cure for cancer they would find a reason to criticize it."

MacYapper - Um, Chuck?
Look I know you're a decent guy.
But that's just plain fucking stupid.
If they found a cure for cancer, we'd give them the full Lewinsky they would deserve.

But, um, they didn't cure cancer. They merely added to the disease known as small time corruption by scratching one anothers' backs.

The contract is corrupt. The concept is stupid.

Or is it the other way around?

When we're looking to save money during the Great Recession, how about we cancel $173,000 to teach Liquor Dweebs to say please and thank you.

Seriously. Kill this turkey.

And will somebody get some balls and sell the Goddamn Liquor Stores?????

Paging Governor Onorato? Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?

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TAKE A LIQUOR DWEEB TO LUNCH!

email me at johnmcintire@comcast.net

Monday, March 09, 2009

ENDING BUSH'S SHAMEFUL IDIOCY EDITION

MacYapper - John McIntire

FREE CYRIL!

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NEXT PITTSBURGH PUNDITS POLITICAL COMEDY/PANEL SHOW SATURDAY, MARCH 21ST!
CABARET THEATER! 10:30 PM!

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Yo, MacYippers!

SURPRISE AND WEIRD ENTRY INTO THE PITTSBURGH MAYOR'S RACE!

The immaculate election?
No Franco ain't runnin.'
But his son is. For Mayor. As an Independent.
Calls himself "Dok" so people don't call him "Lil' Franco."

Chris Potter of the City Paper broke the rumor.
Tim McNulty of the PG now confirms it as fact.

Now what to make of this. Pat Dowd is credible, but seemingly too erudite for the 'Burgh. Or to simplify it, too damn smart.

Carmen Robinson, the ex-cop Hill District attorney seems to be exciting, well, no one. Not sure why. Just hear no buzz whatsoever.

POST-GAZETTE.COM:
http://community.post-gazette.com/blogs/earlyreturns/default.aspx
The Sewickley native, who currently lives in Shadyside, is registered as an independent and would run against the Democratic and Republican nominees in November. He decided to officially announce today after last week's Internet speculation, which included goofy changes to his dad's Wikipedia entry, including this one: "Additionally, Dok does not always brush his teeth before leaving the house."

MacYapper - Well if bad breath disqualified 'Burgh politicians we'd have to fire the entire City Council, starting with Motznik.

Oddly, Lil' Franco never played football. So does he out-Stiller Stillerstahl because he's an actual bona fide DNA blood relative actual offspring?

Or does Stillerstahl win the who's more Stillery contest by drinking the left over juice of Big Ben's jockstrap?

BTW, Lil' Franco went to Princeton. So he's probably too smart too.

Then again, Dubya was an Ivy Leaguer.

STEMMING THE TIDE OF TEXAS-STYLE PANDERING

Stem cell research can save lives. The potential to provide cures for Alzheimer's and other horrible diseases is great.

Right wing nuts stopped government funded stem cell research on newly created frozen embryos.
Why? Because they believe the glop in a test tube is already a human. I'm surprised they don't kick the glop out onto the sidewalk and demand that it "get a job!"

Of course they'd be afraid the glop would be laid off and then become dependent on the Guv-ment.

And we'd hear a story about some glop welfare queen in Chicago living high off the glop-government-funded hog.

Now you can argue until the cow's come home, leave again, marry some cheap whore from Alabama, realize the error of their ways, and come home again, about when life begins.

But even if you think there's life in them thar glops, you know when life would then end? WHEN THEY THROW AWAY THE FROZEN EMBRYOS!!!

That's right, fertility clinics throw away the frozen embryos that they don't use.

SO WOULDN'T IT MAKE SENSE TO USE THEM, INSTEAD, FOR POTENTIAL LIFE SAVING MEDICAL BREAKTHROUGHS???????????

Of course. But not if you're a shameless right wing nut appealing to his nut-job base.

Today, thank Gawd, Praise Jesus, Praise the Lode, Barack Hussein Jesus Christ It's About Time Obama is reversing this MONUMENTALLY IDIOTIC Bush policy.

ASSOCIATED PRESS:
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20090309/ap_on_go_pr_wh/obama_stem_cells

WASHINGTON – President Barack Obama is ending former President George W. Bush's limits on using federal dollars for embryonic stem cell research, with advisers calling the move a clear signal that science — not political ideology — will guide the administration.

MacYapper - Stop right there.
How refreshing.
Imagine a world in which SCIENCE and potential miraculous medical breakthroughs guided an administration, as opposed to pandering to some yahoo in Kansas who's afraid the Guv-ment is going to take away his guns?

Not so long ago, we couldn't imagine such a world. And then somehow the stupid people finally lost.

Cue the obligatory "Blinded me with Science" video.

NYTIMES.COM:
http://www.nytimes.com/2009/03/09/us/politics/09stem.html?_r=1&hp
To the delight of patients’ groups and scientists, the order will allow research on hundreds of stem cell lines already in existence, as well as ones yet to be created, typically from embryos left over from fertility treatments that would otherwise be discarded.

ASSOCIATED PRESS:
"We've got eight years of science to make up for," said Dr. Curt Civin, whose research allowed scientists to isolate stem cells and who now serves as the founding director of the University of Maryland Center for Stem Cell Biology and Regenerative Medicine. "Now the silly restrictions are lifted.

MacYapper - Let the silliness end.
Let the common sense begin.
Let the idiocy of the past eight years ride off into the sunset, with the little doggies.

He probably can't even get along with them.

Happy Monday.
There is some semblance of sanity left in the world.

You can read it in the sanity clause.

There is no sanity clause.

But there are plenty of Ho's.

UPCOMING COMEDY GIGS - SATURDAY MARCH 21ST - BRILLO BOX 8PM...
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ROCK ON MAC-YIPPERS!
WE'RE BLINDING YOU WITH SCIENCE!

email me at johnmcintire@comcast.net

Friday, March 06, 2009

HEAD COLDS SUCK EDITION

MacYapper - John McIntire

FREE CYRIL!

www.izzazu.com

NEXT PITTSBURGH PUNDITS POLITICAL COMEDY/PANEL SHOW SATURDAY, MARCH 21ST!
CABARET THEATER! 10:30 PM!

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Yo, MacYippers!

Got a half hour to kill? Want to listen to something while you're clacking away on the keyboards? How about the latest Political Pop Podcast with MacYapper and Gab Bonesso?

Meanwhile, I've got a wicked head and chest cold that has rendered me mentally and physically paralyzed today.

But I will sally forth and be on the OFF Q program tonight. 7:30 pm Replay at midnight. WQED TV Channel 13 PBS Pittsburgh.
www.wqed.org

BTW, I'm pretty sure I contracted this cold from Republican Mean Bill Green last week on Off Q. Probably in the make up room.
I've got to stop making out with Republicans.
I think they're engaging in viral warfare.

Topics for tonight's extravaganza:

The economy, stupid.

This is where Valerie and I say it's not Obama's fault and Bill and Heather say, oh yes it is.

And we say, huh-uh.
And they say, yuh-huh.

Then we talk about the mortgage relief program launched by Obama.
This is where Valerie and I say this is great.
Then Bill and Heather say it's a waste and unfair.

Then we say, no sir.
And they say, yes mam.

Then Sexting.

Some mother says her kid killed herself because she sent her boyfriend a nudie, they broke up, and the boyfriend put the pics all over the internets.
So she killed herself. After being mercilessly razzed and called a whore.

Then there's the absurd situation in PA where teenage girls are being charged with distributing child porn because they sexted nude photos of themselves to teenage boys.

I don't know what everyone else is going to say, but I'm saying this charging kids who willingly send photos of themselves to other kids is the stupidest freaking thing I've ever heard of.

Next, Pittsburgh Public Schools tell kids about more than abstinence. Thank God.

Kids need to know about contraception and homos and stuff.

This is where Heather says something against any other kind of sex ed than abstinence based. And the rest of us give her the business. Right there on the TV.

Then private schools are bitching that Governor Rendell wants to give public universities and the kids who go there scholarships and help and money and stuff.
Too freaking bad.
The kids are what's important, and if more of them can go to school anywhere, that's what matters.

I assume the discussion here will fall on party lines as well.
I had a party line as a kid. Eavesdropping was all the rage back then.

And finally, the proposed ban on Barbie.

Which is the stupidest thing since Freedom Fries. No, it may be even stupider. But then the guy proposing it is from W VA.

And viewer mail.

OK, all this typing has tired out my cold-screwed cranium.

Be strong MacYippers!

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ROCK ON YIPPERS OF MAC!

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Thursday, March 05, 2009

BA DUM CHING EDITION

MacYapper - John McIntire

FREE CYRIL!

I'll be on the radio at 5pm with host Mark DeSantis, and fellow blogger/blabbers Chad Hermann and Julie Gong. 1360 am WMNY Pittsburgh.
On the Internets at http://www.wmnyradio.com/index2.aspx

You can't wait for your MacYipper radio fix? Click on the player below. If it's your first time, you'll have to briefly register with the excellent podcast website www.TalkShoe.com

But if you do it once, you'll never have to again to listen to future Podcasts of "Political Pop" the fusion of pop culture and politics with lovely and talented co-host Gab Bonesso. Click play and groove, baby!

RIPPED FROM TODAY'S HEADLINES:

A Washington County man who wore a werewolf Halloween mask when he broke into a woman's house and raped her has been sentenced to 17 to 40 years in state prison.

When they took his mask off they noticed his hair was perfect.

BAN BARBIE?

POST-GAZETTE.COM:

http://post-gazette.com/pg/09064/953363-455.stm
West Virginia Democratic Delegate Jeff Eldridge Tuesday proposed a bill to ban the sale of Barbie and similar dolls that promote physical beauty to the detriment of girls' intellectual and emotional development.
"I just hate the image that we give to our kids that if you're beautiful, you're beautiful and you don't have to be smart," the second-term state lawmaker, who has been an educator and social worker, told West Virginia media Tuesday.

MacYapper - Is it ironic that by introducing this legislation this guy proves he’s actually on of the few humans dumber than Barbie?

Why is it assumed that because Barbie is blond and pretty that she’s dumb?
OK I withdraw the question.

A lawmaker who opposes this bill said it’s silly because kids ought to get their self esteem from their parents, not some toy.
So I broke my girlfriend’s dildo.

I mean unless you count yours’ truly.

Although with the recession, I'm pretty broke.

I always felt left out of the whole Barbie thing… even now. Malibu Barbie, Disco Barbie.
Where’s Sluttie Barbie? Although there might be a copyright fight with Paris Hilton.

Is there a law the Barbie's boyfriends have to be gay?

THE PATH TO EVIL SOCIALISM

Republicans have been talking about how Obama is leading us to Socialism. I understand why Republicans fear socialism. I mean who really wants to socialize with Republicans?

Front page of the New York Times Today, Obama’s hair is getting gray.
http://www.nytimes.com/2009/03/05/us/politics/05gray.html?_r=1
WASHINGTON — Well, that didn’t take long. Just 44 days into the job, and President Obama is going gray.

MacYapper - So see, he’s just like the White presidents. The story also mentioned his penis has gotten two inches shorter.

STILLER NATION NEVER GOES AWAY... EVER

The Steelers are going to the White House to be congratulated on their Super Bowl win.
Kicker Jeff Reed has asked for a private tour of the famous Lewinsky Bathroom.
The secret service said no.

Heinz ketchup has introduced a six pack of ketchup bottles to honor the Steelers super bowl win.
http://www.post-gazette.com/pg/09063/953114-34.stm?cmpid=MOSTEMAILEDBOX

To me the disgusting part isn’t the crass commercialism.
It’s that these things will become honored Yinzer Family heirlooms.

They’ll put it in a time capsule with instructions… (Yinzer accent) “this ketchup not to be used until the steelers win their 100th Super Bowl."

And then some Yinzer of the future will spray it all over his Primanti’s cardboard fries.

In the future there will be no potatoes.

Unfortunately there will still be plenty of yinzers.

“I am the yinzer of the future. Oddly enough, I still do everything like they did it in the last century.”

The Allegheny county drink tax is being argued in the State Supreme Court. Mayor Opie was asked how it’s affecting the city.
He complained about the obvious negative effect… you can’t get chicks blind drunk enough to do you if the tax is robbing you blind.

The mayor then retreated to a private room where he made out with Ben Roethlisberger’s used jock.

What's the difference between Barbie and Mayor Opie?
One thinks with plastic.
One things with Wood.

YOU GO M-J!

Michael Jackson is making a comeback.
But I’m sure somebody’s Mommy will wipe it off.

No seriously, he’s performing in London. Today he hung out near Big Ben.

He’s moved from little children to rats with huge rat penises.

Somebody shouted out “hey Michael Thriller!”

He responded “Thriller?
I don’t even know ‘er.
But I’m really not into that anyway. “

ROBIN WILLIAMS STOLE OUR HEARTS

Robin Williams is in the hospital with heart problems. They say they may need to transplant, but can’t find a donor. Williams has a backup plan. If necessary he’s going to steal the heart of Gilbert Gottfried.

MSNBC today reported on a study that says doodling can be good for your mind, and luminaries such as JFK have been known to doodle.
At least until Jackie got home.

Rush Limbaugh says he wants to debate Barack Obama.
Obama’s thinking about it.
He’s already doing mock debates with a horses’ ass.

UPCOMING COMEDY SHOWS - BRILLO BOX 8PM - CABARET THEATER 10:30 PM - SATURDAY MARCH 21ST!

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ROCK ON MAC-YIPPERS!

email me at johnmcintire@comcast.net

Wednesday, March 04, 2009

MICKEY D'S RIPPIN OFF THE LITTLE GUY EDITION

MacYapper - John McIntire

FREE CYRIL!

www.izzazu.com

NEXT PITTSBURGH PUNDITS POLITICAL COMEDY/PANEL SHOW SATURDAY, MARCH 21ST!
CABARET THEATER! 10:30 PM!

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Yo, MacYippers!

In a moment, defending the guy who called 9/11 because Mickey D's didn't have his McNuggets and wouldn't give him his freakin' money back.

But first, here is another Scintillating Episode of the hottest new Podcast on the internets, "Political Pop," starring your intrepid MacYapper and his lovely and talented co-host Gab Bonesso.

Now if you haven't dug this groove yet, and you press play, you will likely be taken to the TalkShow website for a BRIEF sign up procedure. It is FREE and it'll be worth it because the next time you can just click and play, and there are also some interesting other Podcast selections on TalkShoe.

So click, get started and groove, baby!

Apropos of nothing, Marci Rodriguez the college student just interviewed live at a college job fair on MSNBC just moaned about being out of work and said she shows up at interviews to "put your best face forward."

It's foot, honey. Foot.

But it always helps to have plenty of faces to put forward.

Just ask Newt Gingrich.

DEFENDING THE MCNUGGETS CHICK - YOU GO LATREASA!

So Latreasa Goodman, 27, walks into a McDonalds. She orders McNuggets. They take her money. Then they say they don't have McNuggets but they'll give her something else. She doesn't want anything else. She wants her money back. They won't give it to her. So she calls the cops.

Now I know this is the Great Brinks Bank Robbery or another 9/11.
There's no 11 year old shooting his father's pregnant girlfriend, killing them both.
I get that this is not an extreme emergency.

But she just got ripped off! It's called Theft of Services, or Petty Theft.
Bait and Switch! A policy of no refunds???? When you don't deliver the goods you promised?
That, my MacYippers, is simple out-and-out thievery.

And if you don't know the direct regular line to the police, what the hell else do you do but call 911?

Click below for the first 911 call, followed by the two other 911 calls she made.

http://i.cdn.turner.com/trutv/thesmokinggun.com/graphics/sound/mcnugget2.mp3

http://i.cdn.turner.com/trutv/thesmokinggun.com/graphics/sound/mcnuggetsA.mp3

http://i.cdn.turner.com/trutv/thesmokinggun.com/graphics/sound/mcnugget3.mp3

OK so three times calling 911 is a little excessive. And yes her tone is increasingly urgent in an unnecessary way.

But she DID get ripped off! And to add insult to injury, they arrested her!

SMOKINGGUN.COM:
http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/years/2009/0303091mcnugget1.html
I called 911 because I couldn't get a refund, and I wanted my McNuggets," according to the below Fort Pierce Police Department report. That logic, however, did not keep cops from citing Goodman for misusing the 911 system. Even after being issued a misdemeanor citation, Goodman contended, "this is an emergency, my McNuggets are an emergency." The McDonald's devotee is seen above in a mug shot snapped after a previous encounter with police. Last month, a Florida man was arrested after he called 911 to complain about his displeasure with a Burger King combo meal.

MacYapper - OK so she's a fast food freak and a Prima Donna. And the previous call about bad food at BK is absurd.

So she's a little weird. BUT MCDONALDS RIPPED HER OFF and when you get ripped off you call the damn cops!

C'mon people! Stick it to the Man!
Ronald McDonald's a child molester!

We've got ways of dealing with these rip-off clowns!

Let's put some acid in Ronald's Egg McWhatever.

UPDATE! "THE MAN" OR "THE CLOWN" HAS RELEASED A STATEMENT:

http://www.wjbf.com/jbf/news/national/article/florida_woman_arrested_for_mcnuggets_911_calls/11504/
Regarding this isolated incident, we apologize for the inconvenience caused.

In the event that we are unable to fill an order, a customer should be offered the choice of a full refund or alternative menu items. We regret that in this instance, that wasn’t the case.

We want to correct our mistake. We will be sending the customer her refund, along with an invitation to return for her original order, on us.

MacYapper - So they admit that their nitwit employee F'ed up!

A customer should be offered a refund if you take her money and don't give her what she ordered?

Yeah, thanks for that, how freaking generous.

And not only will they give her a refund, they'll be giving her some free crap on a stick to boot!

Yo, Latreasa, here's the real lesson here.
Stop eating this garbage.
Read Fast Food Nation!

Want a synopsis?
All fast food is crap and is slowly fattening and/or killing you.

It's bad food. Greasy, gooey, gastric nightmares on a sesame seed bun.

You know why the sauce is secret?
'Cause you don't want to know what's in it.

WHY DO WE CONSUME STUFF THAT'S BAD FOR US?
'CAUSE WE'RE AMERICANS

There was this guy. He modeled for Winston Cigarettes. He helped front the famous "Winston tastes good, like a cigarette should" slogan.

He just died of, what else? Lung Cancer. And like Yul Brenner and other luminaries, he's speaking to us from the grave.

NYTIMES.COM:
http://www.nytimes.com/2009/03/04/us/04landers.html?_r=1&scp=1&sq=alan%20landers&st=cse
Alan Landers, who started smoking at 9 and became a model for advertisements of Winston cigarettes and Tiparillo cigars, then contracted lung cancer and became a highly visible crusader against smoking, died Friday at his home in Lauderhill, Fla. He was 68.

Robin Levine Carns, a niece, said the cause was complications of treatment for cancer of the larynx, which Mr. Landers attributed to smoking, as he did his two lung cancers and heart disease.

MacYapper - But go ahead. Keep smoking. What you wanna live forever?

Better yet, if you haven't started, start today!

Be a dupe of evil corporate America, get hooked on a drug that provides minimal pleasure, stains your teeth, makes you smell like shit, and wastes tons of your money! Oh, and kills you with lung cancer! Yeah, that's the ticket!

NYTIMES.COM:
Wayne McLaren, one of the models for the Marlboro Man, also became an antismoking spokesman before he died of lung cancer. Janet Sackman, who was once the Lucky Strike girl, has supported antismoking efforts since she lost her larynx and part of a lung to cancer.

Mr. Landers sued Reynolds in 1995, saying the company had exposed him to health risks without warning him, and the matter is finally coming to trial on April 13.

MacYapper - The evil suits waited the poor bastard out.

But go ahead. Enrich these assholes some more!

LET'S GIVE ALL THE KIDS SOME GUNS!

Of course here in Yinzer country we luvs us some cig-o-rettes!

And we loves us some guns!

That's why it's astounding that the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette would travel so far WAY out on a limb to actually suggest that MAYBE 11 years old is too young to be packin' a rod!

You know, 'cause like sometimes 11 year olds shoot their father's pregnant girlfriends and the woman and the baby die and stuff.
But there's NOTHING more important than the 2nd Amendment and a Toddler's Right To Bear Arms... assuming, you know, his arms are long enough for the shotgun.

POST-GAZETTE EDITORIAL:
http://post-gazette.com/pg/09063/952918-192.stm
First, a child of any age may go hunting with a parent and fire a gun at any of five designated species. In Pennsylvania the parent, not the state, determines when a child is ready to hunt. That's too open and too loose.

Second, the law says a minor may possess a firearm only when under the supervision of a parent and while engaged in lawful activity, according to the state police. In Pennsylvania that may be enough legal cover for a parent to let a child keep his shotgun in his room, as investigators said Jordan Brown did.

MacYapper - Oh, no you dih-uhnt! You are suggesting that a person with 11 years on the earth isn't old enough to handle a killing machine?
Shame on you, you Un-Amurican lefty bastards.

So, what have we learned?
Fast food bad.
Cigarettes bad.
Kid and guns bad.
You're welcome.

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Tuesday, March 03, 2009

FUNNY BUT SCARY EDITION

MacYapper - John McIntire

FREE CYRIL!

www.izzazu.com

NEXT PITTSBURGH PUNDITS POLITICAL COMEDY/PANEL SHOW SATURDAY, MARCH 21ST!
CABARET THEATER! 10:30 PM!

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Yo, MacYippers!

You know it's really difficult to maintain a reasonable perspective on anything these days.
We don't really know if the stimulus package will work. If it works, we don't know how fast it will work.

Obama seems to be doing fairly well so far and his approval ratings would indicate that most agree.

But there is one item that has gotten quite a bit of attention. I was enjoying it, until I realized that, even though it's hysterical, it's also quite scary for the country at large.

The funny part? Everyone in the Republican party is kissing Rush Limbaugh's ass.
Remember, this is a guy who criticized poor people on drugs and then got caught abusing prescription drugs and duping doctors illegally to get his hands on them.

So he's a long ago discredited hypocrite of the highest order. Well, discredited for anyone with a clue.

Not long ago an obscure member of Congress criticized Rush, and then publicly kissed his ass 24 hours later. You gotta figure that GOP Congressman is in a district full of narrow minded dumb-ass ideologues. Is that redundant?

But now Michael Steele, the Republican National committee chairman, is forced, humiliatingly, to kiss Rush Limbaugh's big fat hairy pimply cellulite-ridden whiter than white butt.

Here's what hit me. Never before in the history of the Republic, in the history of politics in America, has a party leadership had to be terrified of some big mouth asshole with a microphone.

Oh, sure, Jack Anderson dug up dirt. Walter Winchell could damage you with a remark here or there.

But EVERYONE IN THE REPUBLICAN PARTY LIVES IN DEEP DRASTIC FEAR OF AN ASSHOLE WITH A MICROPHONE.

Why is this both amusing and frightening? Because Americans are dumb enough to perhaps return these bozos to power.

If bozos must rule, we want Barry Goldwater Bozos. We want Richard Nixon Bozos (Nixon was shockingly liberal... invented the EPA for example). We want Bozos with Brains. We want Arlen Specter Bozos.

We don't want any more George Bush Bozos. And what do people like Rush offer us? Sarah Palin and Bobby Jindal Bozos... by far the Biggest Bozos on this bus.

Step back for a moment.

How on earth can a single radio talk host be more powerful than the Chairman of the RNC?

Part of this is affirmative action. In a manner of speaking.

Yes the great irony is that Republicans saw that being a minority can actually work FOR you. So after marginalizing minorities for decades, and living off the fat of the classic American racism land, they have quickly promoted two guys who have dark skin who are not ready for prime time.

Well, it makes sense that the Republicans wouldn't have any qualified minorities. What self-respecting member of a minority group would belong to the Republican party?

As a previous blog post pointed out, RNC Chairman Steele is a Goddamned idiot, refusing to acknowledge that a government job indeed qualifies as an actual job.

Then he became an even bigger idiot, telling D.L. Hughley on CNN that Rush Limbaugh was nothing more than an "entertainer" and sometimes his show is "incendiary" and "ugly."

Then Steele decided to dance backwards.

CSMONITOR.COM - MICHAEL STEELE:
http://features.csmonitor.com/politics/2009/03/03/the-limbaugh-steele-feud-rahms-beautiful-ballet/
“My intent was not to go after Rush,” Steele told Politico’s Mike Allen. “I have enormous respect for Rush Limbaugh. I was maybe a little bit inarticulate. There was no attempt on my part to diminish his voice or his leadership.”

MacYapper - Evil talking point repeaters Glenn Beck and Ann Coulter also backed Limbaugh, further terrifying the biggest political pussy since (insert punch line here... Clinton era jokes welcome).

So a public official with an allegedly credible position (it even qualifies as a REAL JOB since it's a private sector Bozo foundation) has to kiss a nasty entertainer's ass publicly.

Let me just note the obvious. Steele the Goddamned Idiot certainly DID mean to diminish Rush. You can't use words like "incendiary" and "ugly" and not intend to diminish.

So he's a liar and a hypocrite and a Goddamned... I guess I mentioned that part.

Yes, I'm laughing hysterically. But politics are historically cyclical. Believe it or not, Republicans yet may regain power once again.

Sure, in my world, we've got eight years of Obama-Rama followed by eight years of Hillary Hilarity.

But it's possible Americans could turn stupid again and elect... who?

That's the scary part. Who? Jindal? Palin?

Don't forget that even though we laugh at the airheaded moose shooting bible thumping Caribou Barbie from Hell, had the economy not tanked, she could have been a heartbeat away.

This single fact should scare the living feces out of you.

Sure I hope the Republican party continues to embarrass itself. I pray that these weak-kneed weak-willed shell of their former selves Limbaugh sycophants become the permanent party of Bozos. Perhaps they already have.

But if they regain power and this collection of doofuses is the only talent pool... we may long for the days of Dubya.

OK, that'll never happen.

But you get my drift.

BIG COMEDY SHOWS THIS MONTH... MARCH 21ST... PITTSBURGH BRILLO BOX 8PM OR CABARET THEATER 10:30 PM... OR BE CRAZY AND GO TO BOTH!

More info at www.myspace.com/MacYapper

ROCK ON MAC-YIPPERS!

email me at johmmcintire@comcast.net

Monday, March 02, 2009

RANDOM THOUGHTS EDITION

MacYapper - John McIntire

FREE CYRIL!

*Oh, and no ideas. None. Zippo. It's sad. And it makes me happy.

*Tim Geithner is the only weak link I see in the Obama chain so far.
Maybe he'll surprise us.

*It's truly amazing how people keep stealing my drinks at the Starbucks. They mistakenly take my grande skim latte because they ordered something similar
Truly amazing.

*Do you believe you can send out some kind of weird energy that makes shit like that happen?

*Patrick Dowd has charisma, brains, and talent. What he does not have is a prayer.

*I have two friends who keep drinking their way into rehab.
Practice, practice, practice.

*For some reason Gab and I have booked two shows on the same night, March 21st. Two separate venues. The Brillo Box 8pm. The Cabaret Theater 10:30 pm.

It'll be a freakin' comedy marathon.

*Facebook can be incredibly annoying. But then, you knew that.

*Milestone birthdays are too Goddamn stressful.

*You go Kathleen Sebelius! If you can get elected a Democratic Governor in Kansas, you must have some magical shit goin' on.

She's the new HHS HBIC.

*Oh, I'm lost in a one story town
Where everything's close to the ground
Yeah the same shit goes down
Nothing turns around
It's a one story town -- Tom Petty

*When WYEP axes you for your favorite 20 songs to put on their web site, do you obsess? Do you try to impress? Or do you just knock the damn thing out?

*I'm a deadline pressure kind of guy. You?

*Here comes the sun, do do do do...

*How often are they gonna play the damn Geico commercial where the old white guy asks the little rodent to catch him in a "trust" exercise?

*What, exactly, are our options?

*I used to think I'd rather live in NYC but this winter has convinced me LA.

*Don't follow leaders. Watch the parking meters.

*Young children should NEVER be allowed in the Starbucks.

*Anybody see the front page above the fold Sunday story in the Times about people who had great f'ing jobs, lost them, and can't find shit to replace them?
http://www.nytimes.com/2009/03/01/us/01survival.html?_r=1&em

*I'm really glad I didn't buy a house.

*What about that nutty Minnesota Congresswoman telling the new black GOP head "you be da man."????????????
Could these people possibly be any less hip?

*The GOP is imploding faster than the USA.

*A Protestant a Jew and a Catholic walk into a bar.
And they get really drunk.

*Why do people spit on each other in porn so much?

UPCOMING COMEDY SHOWS AND COMEDY AUDIO AT:
www.myspace.com/MacYapper

ROCK ON MAC-YIPPERS!
email me at johnmcintire@comcast.net

MacYapper

Tuesday, March 31, 2009

AMERICANS NOT ALWAYS DUMB EDITION

Monday, March 30, 2009

SEND IN THE CLOWNS EDITION

Monday, March 23, 2009

STEP AWAY FROM THE COMPUTER EDITION

Friday, March 20, 2009

WORLD'S TINIEST BLOG EDITION

Thursday, March 19, 2009

IS CHRIS DODD A WEASEL? EDITION

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

BEATING A LIVE HORSE EDITION

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

HAPPY ST. PATTY'S DAY DANDY DAN!

Monday, March 16, 2009

BLOND ON BLOND EDITION

Friday, March 13, 2009

HAPPY HORSE-S**T EDITION

Thursday, March 12, 2009

RING AROUND THE MULBERRY BUSH EDITION

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

BIG MAC EDITION

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

SMALL TOWN BUMPKIN BOOBERY

Monday, March 09, 2009

ENDING BUSH'S SHAMEFUL IDIOCY EDITION

Friday, March 06, 2009

HEAD COLDS SUCK EDITION

Thursday, March 05, 2009

BA DUM CHING EDITION

Wednesday, March 04, 2009

MICKEY D'S RIPPIN OFF THE LITTLE GUY EDITION

Tuesday, March 03, 2009

FUNNY BUT SCARY EDITION

Monday, March 02, 2009

RANDOM THOUGHTS EDITION

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