MacYapper

Friday, January 30, 2009

TALE OF THE TERRIBLE TOWEL EDITION



MacYapper - John McIntire

GO STILLERS! ONE FOR THE SCHLONG!
FREE CYRIL!



www.izzazu.com

NEXT PITTSBURGH PUNDITS POLITICAL COMEDY/PANEL SHOW SATURDAY FEBRUARY 21ST!
CABARET THEATER! 10:30 PM!


Yo MacYippers!

Will Limas Sweed rear is ugly head? Looks awfully urban for a Swedish guy!

Hines still lookin' a little lame, giving your MacYapper cause for concern.


I'm a little nervous, but I believe we have ourselves a ballgame.

Pittsburgh 28 Arizona 24

MAC-YIPPER MAC-BOOKER AND HIS TALE OF THE TERRIBLE TOWEL

John,

You wrote this about local evil conservative radio hosts:

"They have tunnel vision. Gays are bad, Democrats are bad, the New Deal didn't really work, the Iraq war was a swell idea... name your delusion, they're hanging onto it like a drunken yinzer clutching a terrible towel on game day."

I had the good fortune to attend the AFC championship game this year, and, along with near-everyone in the stadium (there was a tiny spot of purple here and there) leapt to my feet in Steeler Nation triumph as Troy Polamalu pulled in his interception in the fourth quarter and ran it in for the touchdown that put the game away.

My Official Myron Cope's Terrible Towel swung above my head, friends and strangers all around offered hugs and high fives, my particularly intoxicated buddy decided to celebrate by punching me repeatedly in the gut.
It was glorious.

Unfortunately, when things calmed down, I found that my Official Myron Cope's Terrible Towel had disappeared from my right hand. I search up and down the rows around us, and could not find it. A nearby fan said that he saw one towel fly off to parts unknown, fieldward, and that towel could well have been mine.

No solid conclusions were reached. It was with great sadness that I eventually came to the conclusion that my towel would not be found by me again, my only consolation the hope that it would be located and used by someone who would swing it in support of our Steelers with the necessary fervor and singleness of purpose.

My experience shows one thing conclusively: The Quinns and Roses of the world hold their delusions with more tenacity even that the drunken yinzer, represented by myself, of your metaphor.

--
Mac Booker


MacYapper -
You dropped the freaking towel? And you call yourself a respectable drunken Yinzer? Turn in your Yinzer I.D. card Bub.

THE TERRIBLE BUT TOUCHING STORY IN THE TIMES

OK it's really not terrible. But it's very touching. Long time MacYippers know that the legendary Myron Cope and I had our differences when he was alive.

But you can't take away from the guy that he turned his trademark for the Terrible Towel over to his autistic son's school, and it brings in millions in cash for much needed equipment each year.

That, my MacYippers is A LEGACY.

You probably know the story, to some degree, by heart. But reporter John Branch does an excellent job bringing it all together.
It will bring a tear to your throat and a lump to your eye.

NYTIMES.COM:
http://www.nytimes.com/2009/01/30/sports/football/30towel.html?scp=1&sq=myron%20cope&st=cse
Myron Cope left behind something far more personal than a legacy of terrycloth, a battle flag for a city and its team. In 1996, he handed over the trademark to the Terrible Towel to the Allegheny Valley School. It is a network of campuses and group homes across Pennsylvania for people with severe intellectual and developmental disabilities. It receives almost all the profits from sales of the towels.

Danny Cope is one of the roughly 900 people the school serves. He has been a resident since 1982, when he was a teenager. He was diagnosed with severe mental retardation when he was 2. He is now 41.

“He’s never spoken,” Elizabeth Cope said. “Which is kind of funny, because Dad is known for his voice. It’s almost like the Terrible Towel is Danny’s silent voice.”


MacYapper - Give me a single yoi. Make it dry and scratchy.

On second thought, make it a double.

UPCOMING COMEDY GIGS AND COMEDY AUDIO AT:
www.myspace.com/MacYapper

ROCK ON MAC-YIPPERS! GO STILLERS!

email me at johnmcintire@comcast.net

Thursday, January 29, 2009

ANNOYING HUMANS EDITION




MacYapper - John McIntire

GO STILLERS! ONE FOR THE SCHLONG!
FREE CYRIL!



www.izzazu.com

NEXT PITTSBURGH PUNDITS POLITICAL COMEDY/PANEL SHOW SATURDAY FEBRUARY 21ST!
CABARET THEATER! 10:30 PM!


TODAY, THURSDAY, I'M ON WMNY 1360 AM RADIO http://www.wmnyradio.com/thestation.aspx AT 4PM with other mouthy bloggers on the Mark DeSantis Show - 4pm!

Yo MacYippers!

As has been duly noted, no one can beat Opie. Which is a shame. Because he's a mediocre mayor at best. But what really makes him annoying today is that he's such a punk.

He's a punk's punk. He's a punk's punk who likes to get drunk as a skunk. Boys will be boys. And it's an all boys club that's headed down to Tampa for the big game. Naturally ain't takin' the wife. She'll be left at home to take care of the kid. That's what wives are for.

He's taking the brothers. Of course I don't mean black people. You think Opie has any black friends?

POST-GAZETTE.COM:
http://post-gazette.com/pg/09029/945339-53.stm
Mr. Ravenstahl plans to fly to Tampa tomorrow on a team charter and return Monday. He will be taking his brother, Brad, with him, while another brother, Adam, will be making his own arrangements to meet them in Tampa. Both brothers also will purchase tickets at face value from the Steelers, Mr. Ravenstahl said.

His arrangements are similar to those of County Executive Dan Onorato, who will pay for tickets, a flight and hotel accommodations offered by the Steelers. He's taking his wife, Shelly.


MacYapper - Yes Danny The Goosekiller, whose position has been vindicated by the recent U.S. Airways plane going down in the Hudson, actually likes his wife. Almost as much as he likes killing geese.

You know what else separates Danny O. from Opie?

Danny's not a pussy.

POST-GAZETTE.COM:
Mr. Ravenstahl said his campaign will pay for his ticket and expenses as well as those of the bodyguards who will be traveling separately to Tampa to be with him. He said there is no taxpayer expense involved. Mr. Onorato is not taking bodyguards.

MacYapper - BODYGUARDS? Bodyguards? Like, plural?
Will someone explain to me why someone would want to harm Opie but not Danny O.? I mean sure he's a punk and I suppose generally speaking those kind of humans attract more bad seeds than non-punks, but seriously? Two bodyguards? Or is it more than that?

I think he just likes having servants. Someone to drive when he gets drunk. Someone to fetch him another beer. Someone to approach chicks on his behalf, ala Prez Bill. Someone to scope out where the reefer is.

But really, why does Opie need them if Danny O doesn't?
Mayor PussyStahl likes to pretend he's a rock star. If he wasn't 12 years old, no one would give a Goddamn. He milks the novelty for all it's worth.

BILL COWHER IS AN F'ING WEASEL

I don't care if he is trying to be diplomatic, Bill Cowher is an F'ing weasel. I know he's trying to present himself as some sort of all knowing elder statesman. I know he's trying to be the proud papa who spawned not only so many of the remaining Stillers, but Whiz, Russ, and the gang over in Phoenix.

But this city made sloppy love to his jetting jaw for umpteen years. We put up with him when he couldn't win the big one. We put up with him when he went 6 and 10. We put up with him when he maniacally tortured the punter, Josh Miller, because he could. We put up with him through Kordell. Through his own personal peccadillos. We put up with his fight over who's pee-pee was bigger with Tom Donahoe. We even put up with him when he couldn't wait to sell his house, get the hell out of Dodge, and move to N.C.

And now he can't even say he's four-square behind the Pittsburgh Steelers in the F'ing Superbowl????????????????????????????

POST-GAZETTE.COM:
http://post-gazette.com/pg/09029/945372-66.stm
Cowher has split allegiances in Super Bowl XLIII. He coached the Steelers for 15 seasons, including Super Bowl XL. Men from his staff are still coaching, and his former players make up the brunt of their current roster. Yet, some of his former coaches run the Cardinals, including head coach Ken Whisenhunt, assistant head coach Russ Grimm, special teams coach Kevin Spencer and wide receivers coach Mike Miller.

MacYapper - Ok, let's examine this.
15 YEARS coaching the Steelers. His starting QB in Superbowl Extra Large still starting. Men he helped nurture and build into outstanding players populating most of the current Stiller team. Not to mention the Rooneys, who hired him, gave him the chance to be a star, and stuck with him through thick and thin.

That vs. four coaches on the other team. Dozens of humans, a former employer who chose him over the other guy in a pissing contest, a city, indeed an entire region who embraced him... vs. four coaches on the other team.

What a tool.

POST-GAZETTE.COM:
"I certainly am happy for the Rooneys and the opportunity to separate them from everyone else, deservedly so," Cowher said of a possible sixth Lombardi Trophy for the Steelers. "Coach [Dick] LeBeau and Bruce [Arians] and the whole defensive staff and players, and I'm happy for Mike [Tomlin]. He's done a very good job there.

"From the same standpoint, I'm happy with what Kenny accomplished this year and changed the whole culture there, and Kevin, Russ, Spence and Mike Miller.

"I look at it from the standpoint that whoever wins, I'm happy for that team for those reasons."


MacYapper - Yup, he's a major league weasel alright. Part of it may be he thinks Whiz is Cowher Jr. and that Cowher's amazing methods, handed down over the years, have proven successful elsewhere. Which goes to his humongous ego. Obviously it's mostly him and a little but of Whiz.

But the PG offers a clue as to why he may not be wholeheartedly embracing his former team.
POST-GAZETTE.COM:
He has not offered his successor, Mike Tomlin, any advice, and said it does not look as if he needs any.

"I know when I came aboard, my conversations with Chuck Noll were ones when I reached out to him. Mike seems to be doing a pretty good job on his own. I think if Mike had any questions, he knows I have an open door."


MacYapper - Aha. Mike didn't kiss the ring. Mike didn't make the gratuitous call to seek advice just to show some phony respect. How could Cowher root for anyone who has no history of kissing his ass?

That explains it.

F'ing weasel.

DEMOCRATS GIVE A SHIT ABOUT EQUAL PAY FOR WOMEN... UNLIKE REPUBLICANS

I could not believe when the Supreme Court originally ruled that a woman who actually WON a discrimination case because she wasn't being payed as much as her male counterparts, did NOT in fact win after all. Why? Because there's a time limit. You have to file the case within a certain amount of time dating to when the discrimination occurred.

But what if you didn't know the discrimination was going on? How would you? It's very difficult to find out what your colleagues are being paid? But if you DO find out, does it really matter WHEN you find out? It does with this stupid law.

So now Obama has signed legislation EXTENDING the time you have to file.

WASHINGTONPOST.COM:
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/01/29/AR2009012901887.html
President Obama this morning signed a law that expanded the time frame in which workers can sue for discrimination they have experienced based on gender, race, national origin or religion.

The legislation -- the first he has signed since becoming president nine days ago -- is named for Lilly Ledbetter, who after years as a manager at Goodyear Tire & Rubber discovered she was being paid less than her male counterparts. She filed suit and won a jury verdict in 2003. But the lawsuit was deemed invalid, because it wasn't filed within six months of when the discrimination -- unknown to Ledbetter at the time -- began.


MacYapper - Clearly this legislation was initially intended to pay lip service to pay discrimination against women, but not ruffle the feathers of businesses. It's absurd.

Fortunately, Lilly Ledbetter has taken one for the team. Unfortunately, Lilly still gets screwed.

WASHINGTONPOST.COM:
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/01/29/AR2009012901887.html
"Goodyear will never have to pay me what it cheated me out of. In fact, I will never see a cent from my case," she said. "But with the president's signature today, I have an even richer reward."

The law is an early emblem of the more liberal tilt the federal government is likely to take now that Democrats control both houses of Congress as well as the White House.


MacYapper - That's right you greedy unfair business bastards. There's a new sheriff in town.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to watch Blago babble before the Illinois legislature, before they unceremoniously throw his butt out into the snow.

UPCOMING COMEDY GIGS AND AUDIO AT:
www.myspace.com/MacYapper

ROCK ON MAC-YIPPERS! GO STILLERS!
email me at johnmcintire@comcast.net

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

VAST RIGHT WING CONSPIRACY EDITION



MacYapper - John McIntire

GO STILLERS! ONE FOR THE SCHLONG!
FREE CYRIL!



www.izzazu.com

NEXT PITTSBURGH PUNDITS POLITICAL COMEDY/PANEL SHOW SATURDAY FEBRUARY 21ST!
CABARET THEATER! 10:30 PM!


Yo MacYippers!

Like the Old Gray Mare, the Vast Right Wing Conspiracy ain't what it used to be.
But like the Mare, it's a stubborn little piece of shit that needs to be whacked upside the head, just to remind it who won.

OK, that's kind of a stretch as analogies go.

Here's my point. I've been having a casual argument with a friend about whether we need to fear the right any more. He was all like, "I don't trust those a-holes." And I'm all like, "yeah, me neither, but, at least for now, they're done. All we have to do is govern well."

But I now realize he's right and I'm wrong. It's not just whether we govern well. It's whether we're perceived to have governed well. And even though it probably only occupies a mind of say, a third of the country at best, right wing talk radio continues to be an effective tool, and an effective monopoly, for the tools who will never give up.

I'll give them that.

It is truly astonishing that in a Democratic city like Pittsburgh... a lot of Reagan Dems I grant you... but that in a town that is so not Republican, that veteran liberal talk hosts like MacYapper and Lynn Cullen remain on the sidelines. I was told my ratings at KDKA were decent by management. But I was also told the sales staff was always "biting its fingernails" when I was on the air.

And it's because what I was saying was so patently different than anyone else with a weekday show on their air. The bias against left leaning hosts is so bad here... how bad is it?... they've even hired conservative Mike Pintek back. Nothing wrong with that per se. I don't agree with Mike, but he's solid as those kind of folks go.

But they fired him. And take it from me, it's normal to get fired in broadcasting. It is so NOT normal to get hired back by the same outlet.

But the sheep were waiting. Flock them.

Here's what raised my hackles, which were comfortably asleep, this morning. I turned on the most moronic of all right wing nut talk shows, the Quinn and Rose show. My God these people are repulsive. At least Rush and Glenn Beck... and even (barf) Hannity can put together a false argument that, while biased and without foundation, sounds somewhat logical if you're a rabid idiot waiting to eat this stuff up.

But the Q and R contempt for Obama is so thick with juvenile "no matter what he does we HATE him" condescension, it's freaking ridiculous. George Dubya proved he deserved contempt. He was horrible at his job and the American people eventually figured that out. The long view of history will not be kind, despite Dubya's fantastical fantasies to the contrary.

We have ABSOLUTELY NO EARTHLY IDEA whether Obama will be any good or not. Yet idiots like Q and R contemptuously dismiss EVERYTHING he does. It doesn't matter if it's good or bad, right or wrong, or whether it's too soon to tell. They metaphorically spit on his countenance with every fire breathing moronic syllable that spills out of their bile filled babbling brooks. My Clear Channel friends tell me everyone snickers when Quinn walks around with an empty gun holster in the hallways, waiting for the revolution. Or whatever. What a drama queen.

This morning they ridiculed Obama's choice of George Mitchell as special envoy to the Middle East. This, alone, is proof of their idiotic lunacy. The man played a major role in brokering peace in Northern Ireland, at the time seen as an impossible task. That alone gives him the resume item that makes him the perfect selection.

But not for partisan nutbags like Quinn and Rose. I'm not even going to get into the rest of the nonsense they spewed. People say Quinn is just a performer, a former hippie freak who got blow jobs from kids while coming up as a local rock n' roll D.J.
Maybe. Or maybe he's actually evolved into the imbecile he seems to be. Rose on the other hand has authentic bile. Authentic, ignorant bile.

It really doesn't matter what the topic is, or whether Obama's stance on it has any merit. These people are here to piss on his political grave.

So why have I changed my mind that these temporarily neutered nutbags may be more dangerous now than I had first thought? Because the country is still full of idiots. And the media is always looking for a new angle. And if these morons (not the irrelevant ones like Quinn and Rose but the ones who get press like Rush) can make shit up and it catches on, and the local lightweight flame fanners start fanning, and it's a slow day and reporters are looking for some new crap to beat to death, Obama could suffer minor PR blows.

More than ever before, the GOP is devoid of leadership and ideas. To fill the vacuum, the radio nutbags insert, well, whatever the hell they can think of. They're throwing negative talking points up against the wall to see if they might stick.

Obama really has had somewhat of an impact on the American political psyche. My friend the Republican has been out of work for a few months, and she says the help she's gotten from the government has practically turned her into a closet Democrat. But then she said "Reagan, Reagan, I just have to keep repeating Reagan."

Well, or as Ronnie Ray-gun would say "wheyl," though I don't agree necessarily, I'll grant you this. Reagan may have been the man for his time. But "government isn't the solution, government is the problem" is totally out of step and just plain wrong for 2009.

Government may or may not be the solution. We'll find out. But an unregulated economy combined with mindless tax cuts for the rich is NOT the answer. This we know. That's why we have to give the Democrats a chance. Plus, they're in charge, so we have no choice.

Selfish, mean spirited bastards and bastardettes like Quinn and Rose would actually rather have Obama and the country tank than have the country recover under a Democrat. They have tunnel vision. Gays are bad, Democrats are bad, the New Deal didn't really work, the Iraq war was a swell idea... name your delusion, they're hanging onto it like a drunken yinzer clutching a terrible towel on game day.

They are somewhat neutralized for now. But they are a rabid, salivating, rabies-infected dog, hanging on a loose leash in the yard, waiting to break the chain and pounce on unsuspecting ignorant dumbfucks who don't like Negroes and Democrats.

Obama can help create an amazing new world where we are respected, not hated, and where the rule of law is actually observed, rather than twisted all out of proportion to justify illegalities. His approval ratings are still sky high. Even many rank-and-file Republicans are giving him short term respect.

Hopefully we'll be able to hoist these blowhards on their own petard at some point.

Maybe we can get a bailout grant for petard hoisting.

RELIGIOUS NUTBAGS ARE THE PROBLEM

Great opinion piece in PG today penned by actor/writer Angelle Guyette about the hearing on the anti-discrimination bill to make sure gays can't be canned or refused rentals in the county. The city already has one. The county is dragging it's feet.

POST-GAZETTE.COM:

http://www.post-gazette.com/pg/09028/944884-109.stm
"They'll know we are Christians by our love" the song goes.

At this County Council meeting, you could know most of them by the hatred on their faces. The leaders of the religious opponents were the worst, displaying physical revulsion at having to stand near people they figured were gay. They looked like they'd have stoned Mary Magdalene, and her friends, too.

One minister's face contorted as he spoke, "Homosexuality is offensive because it is a sin. People choose to commit this sin. My congregants should not have to hire gays and condone a sinful lifestyle they find offensive."

One of his followers spat out, "I should not have to rent to those people. I don't want them sinning in my properties."

This made me recall a minister I had dated who had cheated on me when I thought we were practicing abstinence. Nice, clean-cut looking fellow. Dirty rat.

The point is that these preachers consider both "fornication" and "homosexual acts" to be sins, so how can they justify discriminating against only gays? Because they think they know one when they see one, I suppose, as opposed to fornicators.

Of course, Christ taught we all are sinners -- a nondiscrimination policy if ever there was one.


MacYapper - Bigotry under the guise of religion is just as evil. Nutbags of every stripe are getting on my last nerve.

UPCOMING STANDUP GIGS AND COMEDY AUDIO AT:
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ROCK ON MAC-YIPPERS!
email me at johnmcintire@comcast.net

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

KEEP ON ROCKIN' IN THE FREE WORLD EDITION



MacYapper - John McIntire

GO STILLERS! FREE CYRIL!


www.izzazu.com

NEXT PITTSBURGH PUNDITS POLITICAL COMEDY/PANEL SHOW SATURDAY FEBRUARY 21ST!
CABARET THEATER! 10:30 PM!


Yo MacYippers!

Who writes good political rock n' roll these days? Nobody. At least not lately.
That's why I always hope the legends like Neil Young will come through. But, as we discussed in yesterday's blatherings, Neil's song about the bailout appears phoned in at best.

MacYipper Hank offers a reasoned explanation for such a depressing phenomenon.

MAC-YIPPER HANK IS STILL ROCKIN' IN THE FREE WORLD

Hi John-

My favorite explanation for the lameness of the tunes on Living With War was.....I'm just recalling having read this..... David Crosby asked Neil why he didn't do more with the melodies on LWW, and he said, why waste good tunes singing about an asshole like George Bush? I can accept that. It drove me crazy to hear the indignant majority at those LWW concerts, complaining about the political content. What good would it have done to make them memorable songs? I don't really buy the "laziness" accusation. I think he's always operated in the same way, and stuff either sticks and is good, or it isn't. I loved Greendale, which was poorly received by many, and considered it a great artistic effort on his part, but not much has excited me since. There was a long stretch in the 80s when most of the material was nothing to write home about, too. You live long enough and write enough songs, you put out a lot of crap. I don't find any fault in that. He's in the enviable position of not having to give a shit who likes it.

MacYipper Hank

MacYapper - Yes I read that too. Young actually told Crosby he wasn't going to waste a lot of chord changes, or his "best stuff" on making fun of Dubya. Which I thought was kinda lame. Maybe just an excuse.

I, too, loved Greendale. I saw Neil do it in Pittsburgh and in NYC. Great political fiction about a young girl/environmental activist chaining herself to the evil power plant people's statue.

Your last point is the best. He's Neil. We're not. Hopefully though, he has enough pride and talent left for one more comeback.

Just for the hell of it, here's Neil with a classic. Hardcore version of Hey Hey, My My.


And, just for the hell of it, I'd forgotten about this great Neil cover of Imagine.


OK, enough.

OBAMA TO OSAMA - WHY CAN'T WE BE FRIENDS?

Not really.

But remember during the campaign when Obama wanted to get all "why can't we be friends" with some of our enemies and/or some who at least looked at us with a jaundiced eye? And McCain was all like, what a naive dumbass you is, kid. And Obama was all like, hey, you old folks don't seem to exactly have created a world that can live as one, to paraphrase a dead rock star covered by a barely alive rock star? And McCain was like, OK, kid, start sucking Fidel's organ and see where that gets us?

Anyway, Barack is starting to roll down the path of at least saying "howdy-do" to some of them thar Muslims.

http://apnews.myway.com/article/20090127/D95V83N81.html
CAIRO, Egypt (AP) - President Barack Obama on Tuesday chose an Arabic satellite TV network for his first formal television interview as president, delivering a message to the Muslim world that "Americans are not your enemy."

The interview underscored Obama's commitment to repair relations with the Muslim world that have suffered under the previous administration.

The president expressed an intention to engage the Middle East immediately and his new envoy to the region, former Sen. George J. Mitchell, was expected to arrived in Egypt on Tuesday for a visit that will also take him to Israel, the West Bank, Jordan, Turkey and Saudi Arabia.

"My job to the Muslim world is to communicate that the Americans are not your enemy," Obama told the Saudi-owned, Dubai-based Al-Arabiya news channel.


MacYapper - Does this solve terrorism overnight? No. Will the people who already are determined to strike us be any less fervent in their desire to kill us? No.

But remember one of the biggest criticisms of the Iraq war. Egyptian President Hosni Mubarak said it would create 1000 Osama Bin Ladens.

It's the perception that we're going to do whatever we want in their part of the world, their feelings be damned. It's the perception that we're going to torture them and hold them, whether they're guilty or not, and we don't really care about guilt or innocence. That's why we're closing Guantanamo.

It's good that it's his first formal interview, because that will be duly noted.

The impact, in of itself, minimal if not negligible. But the long term strategy is a wise one. We need to stop serving as an unwitting recruitment tool for our enemies.

Otherwise, we're just gonna Git Mo. God that's stupid. More caffeine please.

BI-PARTISANSHIP?

Republicans are evil. But then you knew that. They're trying to score cheap political points by complaining about money for contraception in the stimulus bill. They don't really want to prevent unwanted pregnancies and abortions. They just want to bitch about it.

Just look at the snide way John Boehner is staring at Obama. What an ass.
Obama is in one conundrum of an enigma wrapped in a puzzle sprinkled with fairytale dust creating an inexorable fairytale-dichotomy of a time tunnel adventure.
He must try to throw some bi-partisan bones the way of the GOP. On the other hand, they aren't interested. If stimulus works, they're even more irrelevant. So they don't want it to work. Because they really don't give a damn. At least most of them in Congress. Selfish, partisan, egomaniacal bastards. Always have been. Always will be.
What should Obama do?
Your MacYapper is ruminating on it.


MOST STEELERS SONGS SUCK THE HUMUNGO WAZOO


Whenever the Stillers make it this far, there are eight kajillion Stillers songs, many parody songs, some original. Most have one thing in common. They're horrible.
The lyrics are lame. Or they don't come anywhere near the song they are parodying in terms of style.

Not so with my old The Zone radio colleague Dave Damashek, now of ESNP radio in LA.
The AC/DC tune TNT, spoofed as "Steelers D" is a Damshek gem. I don't know who's doing lead vocals, but it's a dead ringer. Throw in a little Dead Myron Cope, and you've actually got a humorous, entertaining Steelers song. It's a Goddamn miracle.
Click below:

http://richbanks.com/uploads/Steelers_D.mp3

Meantime, Hines Ward is pretty lame. Not his play. His leg. Not practicing 'till Thursday. Can you say Limas Sweed? Can you say Stillers lose thanks to Limas?
I'm a-feared.

UPCOMING COMEDY GIGS AND COMEDY AUDIO AT:
www.myspace.com/MacYapper

ROCK ON MAC-YIPPERS!
www.myspace.com/MacYapper

EMAIL me at johnmcintire@comcast.net

Monday, January 26, 2009

ODDS AND ENDS EDITION



MacYapper - John McIntire

GO STILLERS! FREE CYRIL!


www.izzazu.com

NEXT PITTSBURGH PUNDITS POLITICAL COMEDY/PANEL SHOW SATURDAY FEBRUARY 21ST!
CABARET THEATER! 10:30 PM!


Yo MacYippers!

"Odds and ends, odds and ends,
lost time is not found again."
Dylan and The Band - The Basement Tapes

Time is short. Time is precious. "Time is a jet plane, it moves too fast." Bob from Blood On The Tracks.

So, let's get started with random stuff.

Starbucks is laying off humans. Sorry for the humans. Unnecessary layers of corporate douchebags do, of course, create jobs.

http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/html/businesstechnology/2008665670_starbucks24.html
Another big round of layoffs is expected at Starbucks, possibly 1,000 people — a third of its headquarters employees — and some district managers and field employees, according to an e-mail sent to a stock brokerage's customers Friday.

"The cuts might be next week or in February," wrote Diane Daggatt, a managing director at McAdams Wright Ragen in Seattle.

No barista jobs are in jeopardy, Daggatt wrote.


MacYapper - Having spent WAY too much time at Starbucks over the last few years, and having gotten to know managers, baristas, and disgruntled as well fully gruntled former employees, one thing is crystal clear.
Starbucks is top heavy.

These bonehead district managers drop in out of nowhere to grill employees who are already doing their job. Then they start messing with the layout of the place, make changes for the sake of making changes, and they are often disastrous.

At the McKnight 'Bucks I frequent they've arrange the most awkward, disorganized, maze of a three ring circus.

It's very difficult to get from one side of the 'Bucks to the other. It's difficult to get past the displays to go to the freaking bathroom. Nobody knows where the line starts.

And it all starts with top heavy corporations who send unnecessary layers of managers with nothing to do who rearrange for the sake of change, whether it makes sense or not.

The baristas are doing all the work. You're losing money because you've got too many damned unnecessary managers. You never should have hired them in the first place.

Just crank out the coffee, keep it consistent, and play some music that doesn't suck. And don't raise prices again. Oh, and tell the Goddamn baristas to stop their incessant singing.


Fewer geeks and more cool baristas would also be helpful.

You're welcome.

WHY WE'RE WINNING ON ABORTION

Thanks to everyone who came out to the Pittsburgh Pundits Political Comedy-Panel show. Gab and I got lots of yuks with the standup, and Tony Norman, Cat Specter, and Heather Heidelbaugh yukked it up with a scintillating argumentative humorous yak session. The next one is Saturday, February 21st. We're doing the third Saturday of each month. Be there and be Theater Square. Seriously, there's nothing else like it in Pittsburgh.

Anyway, Heather is one of these poor right wing nuts (said affectionately) who cannot cope with the reality that the American people have caught on to their game and have wholeheartedly rejected it. She dared anyone to talk about "38 million dead babies" as she so delicately put it. There were a few typical abortion argument salvos thrown back and fourth, a few faint-heated folk got up and left, and then we stopped because there's no solution.


In fact, no solution is required. It's legal. It's here to stay. And now that we've got a Democratic President, we can avoid appointing nut-job Roe opponents in the future. Hip hip, hooray.

But the delusional drag on. Witness the lovely and talented Ruth Ann Dailey, PG columnist.

She's convinced a clever ad by an anti-choice group will turn the tide. Here's the ad.


POST-GAZETTE.COM - RUTH ANN DAILY:
When pro-life groups brought attention to his Illinois Senate votes against providing medical assistance to infants who survive abortion, the candidate accused them of "lying," only to have groups such as factcheck.org prove their claims accurate.

MacYapper - They were lying. The bill did not do that. Guess what? These "fact-check" websites? Not always right. There were a few occasions during the campaign when I noticed their interpretation of the facts did not square with the facts. Or the truth. This was one of them.

Anyone can declare themselves non-partisan and offer to print "the truth." It doesn't necessarily make it so.

POST-GAZETTE.COM - RUTH ANN DAILEY:
One Catholic group already has. Fidelis, which runs the catholicvote.org Web site, just launched an ad depicting an unborn child, destined to be abandoned by his father and raised by a single mother, who grows up to become the first African-American president of the United States.

Their slogan? "Abortion is the enemy of hope." Using the president's image and rhetoric to stir support for something he stands against is true audacity.


MacYapper -
Barack Obama had grandparents who could afford to help out when Daddy Obama hit the road. Not everyone has that luxury. All of this is case-by-case basis stuff.

Only anti-abortion zealots think nonsense like this will play well. It won't. We're all sick of the issue.

Ruth Ann claims a five percent drop in the number of the MAJORITY of Americans who think abortion should be legal. I'm sure we could take ten polls this week and see a five percent fluxuation either way with each poll.

She crows about people not liking partial birth abortion. It was never widespread. And it's only the over-the-top campaign of terror and awful images waged by the right that convinced people this was happening constantly. And of course, they zealots never care about the life of the mother. Ever.

Most people favor abortion rights. EVERYONE favors fewer abortions. If religious and anti-choice zealots would just give the kids birth control, we could avoid abortions. But no. They have to be crazy. No one should have sex until marriage. Sex should only be for procreation. Contraception bad.

Gee, how's that working out for you?

Did you see that study that said that abstinence only sex-ed is leading to unprotected sex and pregnancy?

Contraception and abortion are legal. The "conscience" rule signed by Bush allowing health care workers to withhold information for people who want info on contraception and abortion should it violate their religious beliefs is preposterous and nonsensical. How do these people even get jobs in the health care field?

Hopefully Obama will reverse this soon. We won. You lost. We're here, at least for a good long while. Deal with it. The American people FINALLY woke up.

Haza Haza!

FISH IN A BARREL

MacYapper continues to call for a federal bailout program for the squirrels living in Blago's head.

Yes, he told NBC News he considered appointing Oprah to the vacant US Senate seat.


Yes, as Mayor Daley said, he's "coo-coo."

And as I write this, Blago is about to go on The View.

What is the point here? No one seems to know. But it did occur to me today that while Blago may have nothing to gain, he has nothing to lose. At minimum, he could try to taint the jury pool by convincing folks that he's just a misunderstood populist. Americans are dumb. Guilty people do get off.

And as Sarah Palin proved, crazy lightweights do have their following and can be popular among the nation's less intelligent. Although Blago, like the rest of us, is certainly brighter than SarahCuda.
All in all, a sad, pathetic, yet hysterical spectacle. Welcome to Chicago politics.

He said nothing much on The View. Just more embarrassment. Although there was a really funny moment when Joy Behar asked him to do his Nixon imitation and say "I am not a crook," and he wisely refused.

NEIL YOUNG PHONING IT IN


I'm a huge Neil Young fan. Saw him live at Radio City Music Hall in NYC, in Chicago, in Pittsburgh at the Arena and the PG Pavilion. He's one of my all-time heroes.

But he had that whole brain aneurysm thing and hasn't been quite the same since. His Living With War album had a couple of decent tunes, and I loved the anti-war anti-Bush theme. But the songs were generally lazy and not that good.

It appears this is beginning to be a pattern.

TIME.COM:
http://www.time.com/time/arts/article/0,8599,1872097,00.html
To be fair, it's hard to write music about the economy. No one has ever come out with a great "Invisible Hand" anthem or a theme song about price elasticity and wage rates. But that doesn't stop Young from trying; parts of his 2008 world-tour concerts were peppered with angry rants about the financial collapse. In November he even released his own plan for saving the U.S. auto industry. Young aimed to tackle "the issue of global warming from our automobiles while enhancing our national security and keeping Detroit working." Wow, did the Woodstock generation get boring, or what?

MacYapper - This guy is a little harsh on Neil. Obviously a whipper-snapper, snapping his whipper, loving boomer lampooning, which is a national sport among the young. That's what we get for not trusting anyone over 30.

And I still like the sentiment of Neil's lyrics.

“There’s a bailout coming and it’s not for me.
It’s for all of them creeps watching tickers on tv”


I kinda like that. But then he gets lazy.

There’s a bailout coming but it’s not for you.
It’s for all those creeps hiding what they do”


Nothing special. And to say the video is low-budget is an understatement.


Neil has recovered from his own mediocrity before. I believe he can do it again.
Maybe he needs a bailout plan. Somebody call Barney Frank.

UPCOMING STANDUP GIGS AND COMEDY AUDIO AT:
www.myspace.com/MacYapper

ROCK ON MAC-YIPPERS!

email me at johnmcintire@comcast.net

Friday, January 23, 2009

FAIRLY IMBALANCED NUTBAGGERY EDITION



MacYapper - John McIntire

GO STILLERS! FREE CYRIL!


www.izzazu.com

Yo MacYippers! It's so ironic that these assholes are constantly referring to US as the unpatriotic ones. Stewart and company put things into perspective.



OFF Q BACK ON THE AIR TONIGHT 7:30 LIVE WQED TV - REPLAY MIDNIGHT!


www.wqed.org

Topics you ax?

Roberts screwing up the oath of office.

He's the oaf of office.
And here I thought Dubya was the most incompetent guy in Washington.

And a stripper who kicked off her shoe, hurt some guy's nose. Now the guy is suing.
WTF?

Other stuff as well. Join us, won't you?
Won't you? Answer me dammit

Other general observations:

*Roberts' muff of the oath is the most clever component of the vast right wing conspiracy to deny a Dem the Presidency I've seen yet.

*If you don't come to tomorrow night's political comedy/panel show at the Cabaret Theater, 7th St. and Penn Aven, 10:30 PM, featuring MacYapper, Gab Bonesso, Tony Norman, WQED's Heather Heidelbaugh, and advice columnist Pussy Cat Specter, boy oh boy will you be kicking yourself forever and a day. And then, how to explain all those bruises?

*Governor Paterson and Caroline Kennedy.


The blind leading the bland.

*Sorry, but she's lacking in the charisma department.
Maybe Jack wasn't the only one fooling around.

*Who's more delusional, Dubya or Blago?

*Has Dubya been drunk as a skunk since he hit Texas?

*From whence did that phrase originate? Do skunks drink?

*Insert Dick Cheney joke here.

*I should have written that parody song about Guantanamo Bay to the tune of Montego Bay a long time ago.

*I'm afraid I'm just fresh out of bullshit.

*Well, it doesn't actually scare me that much.

COMEDY SATURDAY NIGHT! 10:3O PM CABARET THEATER!
7TH ST. AND PENN AVE. DOWNTOWN PITTSBURGH!

ONE O'CLOCK, TWO O'CLOCK, THREE O'CLOCK BARACK!

Comics: John McIntire, Gab Bonesso
Panelists: PG's Pussy Cat Specter, Tony Norman, and GOP's Heather Heidelbaugh


OTHER COMEDY GIGS AND AUDIO AT:
www.myspace.com/MacYapper

ROCK ON MAC-YIPPERS! SEE YINZ SATURDAY NIGHT!

email me at johnmcintire@comcast.net

Thursday, January 22, 2009

ASK NOT WHAT YOUR GOVERNOR CAN DO FOR YOU... EDITION



GO STILLERS! FREE CYRIL!


www.izzazu.com

Yo MacYippers!

Caroline Kennedy did New York Governor Paterson, and herself, a big-ass favor by dropping out of the jockeying to fill Hillary's Senate seat.


http://www.welt.de/english-news/article3069665/Caroline-Kennedy-withdraws-bid-for-Senate-seat.html

Caroline Kennedy, the daughter of slain President John F. Kennedy, on Thursday withdrew her bid to fill the U.S. Senate seat vacated by Hillary Clinton. Kennedy, a member of the United States’ storied political dynasty, cited personal reasons in a brief statement issued just after midnight.

MacYapper - Let's face it, while she is intellectually miles and miles ahead of nincompoops like Sarah Palin, she is, relatively speaking, a political lightweight who would have been in over her head.

Oh, with the resources of the Kennedys she would have gotten by. But the girl doesn't even speak that well, despite her breeding and education.

She has been one of the most private public figures in history.

One thing is obvious. She thought Uncle Teddy would Daddy her through the Senate, and Uncle Teddy damn near died during the inaugural ceremonies.

Sweet Caroline realized her first funeral visit as a Senator might be Teddy's and it all just became too much for her.




Sorry Ted. You're going to have to talk Bob Jr. into it one of these days.

I saw Bob Jr. on Morning Joe today, and he said he would go into politics if he didn't have five little kids at home.

If the Kennedys weren't such freaking bunnies maybe they could afford some more public service.

Sheesh.

AT ODDS AND ENDS

There was a little party at Hillary Clinton's State Department when she arrived today.
Glad she's in. Glad they finally confirmed her.
I don't know about you, but the endless Obama related pomp and circumstance is getting on my nerves.
Let's get to work folks.


RETAKING THE OATH


John Roberts is a G.D. Screwup. What is with these Chief Justices? He claimed to have worked for ten days memorizing this. Try not to do any film or live stage work Chief. It's not like you had to memorize the entire freaking Constitution.

So out of an overabundance of caution, the Chief gave Obama the oath again.
And there was no Bible.

Number one, he's President. He was without the 2nd oath.
Number two, noticing that there's no Bible for the unnecessary second go-round is just playing into the stupid right-wing nut thinking that has driven this country into the ditch.
Could we finally grow up now?


MAC-YIPPER RJD WEIGHS IN ON MORNING JOE BOOMER BASHING
John -

Funny you should bring this up, as I heard this snarky comment from Brokaw during the coverage as well; something like, "The baby boomers. They were going to save the world. Remember that?"
And it was said in a tone that made you knew exactly what ole marble mouth meant! I mean, is he still trying to sell copies of "The Greatest Generation?"

It's cool now to burn the boomers....which is probably because all the media have moved on from us;
we don't buy enough shit and we aren't lining up the purchase the latest "awesome" whatever...

So to Brokaw and his ilk I say; here's half a peace sign, baby!

MacYipper RJD

OH, AND I SUPPOSE YOU ALWAYS PAY ALL OF YOUR TAXES

I'm unaware of one single American who doesn't try to find every legal loophole he can to avoid paying taxes.

Yes, it is ironic that the new Treasury Secretary screwed up and underpaid taxes.

Yes, it is funny.

No, it doesn't matter.

That witch Michelle Malkin was on Fox News this morning, criticizing Republicans for not flogging this dead horse with more vigor.

She said they had a "Chicken Little" mentality, which means shit's too important right now to worry about little stuff.

Malkin is wrong. Chicken Little was crying wolf, to mix fairytale metaphors.

Here's the thing you right-wing-venomous-bile-breathing babbler. The sky IS falling. We actually are in a crisis.

Could we just get on with the freaking administration?

That goes for Crazy Arlen who's blocking Eric Holder as A.G., just looking for a little more face time.
Love Arlen. Now, however, is not the time for unnecessary grandstanding.
Mark Rich pardon? Bad. He's been flogged. Get over it. Blame Clinton for Chrissakes. That's what Republicans do better than anything.
And in this case it's actually Clinton's fault.

Now, if you'll excuse me I was just drenched by a humongous falling cumulus cloud.


POLITICAL COMEDY SHOW THIS SATURDAY NIGHT!

Cararet Theater - 10:30 PM - 7th and Penn Avenue Downtown Pittsburgh

Comics - John McIntire, Gab Bonesso

Pundits - PG'S Tony Norman, Cat Specter, GOP Activist Attorney Heather Heidelbaugh of the WQED "OFF Q" show.

Be there and be Theater Square!


ROCK ON MAC-YIPPERS!

email me at johnmcintire@comcast.net

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

MORNING JOE'S PHONY FOUNDATION EDITION



GO STILLERS! FREE CYRIL!


www.izzazu.com

Yo MacYippers!

I'm into the bi-partisan stuff and all that. Mostly because for once, the good guys are, more or less, in control.

But I must take issue with something Smokin' Joe Scarboro has been uttering.
He's temporarily joined the Obama bandwagon, because it's overwhelming. And his audience has tons of political junkies, and as the polls show, most are currently with The Big O.

Scarboro's frequently mentioned theme is that we're hopefully in a post-partisan period.

He says he's glad those old 60's culture wars and baby boomer grudge obsessions are going by the wayside.

And he blames our two baby boomer Presidents, Clinton and Bush, for the divisiveness.

That is such bullshit.

First of all, though he claims not to be a boomer, Barack technically is.
The boom went from 1946-64, and The Black Dude was born in '61.

But I'll grant you he's a fringe boomer at best, and not nearly groovy enough to be a boomer in spirit.

Not only that, did you see him dance? Horrible. it's a good thing he plays basketball or they'd have to take away his black guy card.

But now back to our daily diatribe.

Who's to blame for the divisiveness of last couple of decades?

Right-wing nuts. Period.

Bob Dole baited Clinton with the Don't Ask, Don't Tell nonsense right out of the box. Why? To make him look bad. Gotta hand it to Mr. "Where's The Outrage" for his political skill. His ploy worked. He knew how to stick it to you.

But as an Elder Statesman he made for a great political operative asshole.

And don't even get me started on Dickie Cougar MellonScaife's vast right wing well oiled conspiracy machine. He and his team dug up boatloads of dirt, most of which turned out to be a pack of lies.

And yes Clinton was a horndog. But the business of government is much more important than the President's peccadilloes.

Unless all you care about is power and smearing the other side, country be damned. And that's all the right wing nuts care about.

Vince Foster, cocaine deals, black babies... all bullshit. All unnecessary distractions.

And then there was the biggest unnecessary distraction of all.
Impeachment. Two adults having consensual sex is no reason to put the government on hold for a nonsensical dog and pony show starring Billy The Election Thief Rehnquist and his stupid-ass striped robe. What a clown.

New Bootie Newtie had the audacity to start the impeachment ball rolling while screwing a congressional staffer. Staffer? I barely know 'er.

So don't tell me about "both sides."

As for Dubya, it truly was a stolen election. Sorry if you can't deal with that.
I mean, seriously, HIS FATHER'S FREAKING APPOINTEES ON THE SUPREME COURT PUT HIM OVER THE TOP.

Can it get any more stolen than that? The legal reasoning of the final ruling was widely ridiculed by legal scholars of all political stripes.

In Minnesota they actually did a thorough, legal recount, and it appears to have changed the outcome. Most importantly, it was critical to state officials that every vote be counted.

It was not critical for the horribly biased members of the Supreme Court who sold their souls to install their man. Shocking. Shameful. Disgusting.

With the stolen election as a foundation, how could there not be legitimate outrage?
It wasn't some fabricated issue about a land deal. This was a genuine stain on American history. No Clinton jokes, please.

Dubya could have redeemed himself after 9/11, but then came the Great Unnecessary War.

And had his Social Security plan gone through, the program would be deader than dead by now. Which, of course, was what they wanted. At least some of them.

You already know all the other outrages from Katrina to shredding the Constitution.

My point is that the Democrats weren't some out of control shrill partisan machine, manufacturing phony crises as the Republicans had. They were pointing out that these policies were heinous. They were failures. They threatened the very fabric of our being. That's not some baby boomer culture war bullshit. This was real.

And once again, right-wing nut Republicans are solely responsible for the divisiveness. What's the only phrase funnier than Sarah Palin can see Russia from her house?

That George W. Bush is a uniter not a divider.

He was a decider. And now we've decided he was the worst ever.
Not exactly a brain twister.

So, Smokin' Joe, keep beating the drums of a post-partisan universe in which we jointly find creative solutions to our horrible problems. Whether you actually mean it or not.

But do NOT blame Dems and Repubs EQUALLY for the divisiveness of the past decades.

It's your fault. You and your ilk.

And you're only pretending to be post-partisan right now because you have no choice.

And you want to keep your gravy sucking job and feel obligated to, at least temporarily, go with the flow.

Dude, come to the 'Burgh! We've got Democrats more conservative than you!

THIS SATURDAY NIGHT! CABARET THEATER!
PITTSBURGH CULTURAL TRUST PRESENTS:
ONE O'CLOCK, TWO O'CLOCK, THREE O'CLOCK BARACK!

Political Comedy and Panel Discussion.
Comics - John McIntire, Gab Bonesso.

Pundits - From the PG Tony Norman and Catherine "PussyCat" Specter
From WQED and local courtrooms, Attorney and GOP Activist Heather Heidelbaugh.
10:30 pm
7th St. and Penn Avenue Downtown Pittsburgh

Be there and be Theater Square!


MORE COMEDY GIGS AND AUDIO AT:
www.myspace/MacYapper

ROCK ON MAC-YIPPERS! COME ON OUT THIS SATURDAY NIGHT!
email me at johnmcintire@comcast.net

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

"WE ARE THE PEOPLE WE'VE BEEN WAITING FOR" EDITION



GO STILLERS! FREE CYRIL!


www.izzazu.com

Yo MacYippers!

HIGHLIGHT OF INAUGURATION - REVEREND JOSEPH LOWREY

...help us work for that day when black will not be asked to give back, when brown can stick around, when yellow will be mellow, when the red man can get ahead, man, and when white will embrace what is right."

MacYapper - Let the Negro be the We-grow.
Let the Hispanic no longer panic. Let the Mullato not be forgotto. Let the Jews spread the news. Let the Beaners not just be cleaners.
We could do this all day.

MAC-YAPPER MOMENT BY MOMENT FROM EARLIER

I am so glad I'm here and not there. You can't see shit there. You can see everything here.

I'll be adding more fascinating insights as the day and the ceremony progresses.
But let me ask you this.

Why is Dan Quayle invited to this shindig? Shouldn't there be a statute of limitations on worthless weasels? Shouldn't they be required to disappear at some point?

Meantime, in viewing the four-shot of the Obamas and the Bushes just before they had tea at the White House, one thing became clear.

Michelle Obama could definitely kick George Bush's ass.

Easy.

I would actually settle for that, as opposed to full investigation and jail.

BI-PARTISAN - SCHMI-PARTISAN

Get a load of this. Hillary Clinton, who inevitably WILL be confirmed as Secretary of State, will NOT be confirmed today, as originally planned.

Why? What is holding up the works?
Would you believe it? There's a combative, not particularly bright, conservative Republican from Texas gumming up the works.

Could we just let Texas secede and form New Texaco already?

http://wcbstv.com/topstories/hillary.clinton.confirmation.2.912836.html
A spokesman for Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid says Hillary Rodham Clinton will not be confirmed as secretary of state Tuesday because of a single senator's objection.

Reid spokesman Jim Manley said Republican John Cornyn of Texas has indicated he will block a move to confirm Clinton by a unanimous floor vote later in the day.

But Manley also said there would be a roll call vote Wednesday. And he predicted that "she will receive overwhelming bipartisan support" at that time.


MacYapper -
What's the point? Well the point is to be a partisan Clinton hating asshole.

The alleged point is that this douche has more questions about the Clinton foundation and who donates.

How do these destructive assholes live with themselves?

They just capture a state and enforce the assholes only allowed rule.

FUNNY HECKLERS!

God Bless the hecklers who shouted "nah, nah, nah, nah, hey, hey, hey, goodbye!" at Dubya as he made his way to the main platform. They're still at it.
Fan-freaking-tastic!

EVEN FUNNIER
Dick Cheney being wheeled to the platform, because he hurt himself in a box-halling accident yesterday.
I know that's a cheap shot, but the funny part is, HE NOW LOOKS EXACTLY like Lionel Barrymore's Mister Potter.

Perfect.

Hmmmm... they just announced "The President Elect of the United States, Barack H. Obama."

Interesting how the whole Hussein thing was not spoken. Hmmm...

Jesus, I totally forgot about that major league a-hole homophobe Rick Warren.
I'm not listening.
La la la la la la la la la....


Dubya did the traditional thing of leaving a note in the Oval Office for his successor, details not revealed.

However the website MyTabloids has obtained an exclusive copy.
http://mytabloids.wordpress.com/


So Biden's in at Noon. But not yet Obama. What exactly is the line of succession if something happens to either Bush or Obama, like, right now?

Just wondering.

IT'S OVER
Great. So this monumental moment gets fucked up by Chief Justice Roberts, who completely screws up the oath.

He says "I, Barack Hussein Obama..."

and then he's supposed to shut up. Everyone knows that's how the oath goes. You say the name, they say the name, and you continue.

But no, Roberts actually interrupts Obama with "do solemnly swear," when he should have waited for the name to be repeated by Obama.

An historical moment screwed up by a conservative Republican.

Obama handled it with aplomb.

He stuck in his thumb and pulled out aplomb and said "what a screw-up that Roberts is."

In my fantasy world.

THE BLACK DUDE SPEAKS

"Our economy is badly weakened, a consequence of greed and irresponsibility on the part of some."

"A nagging fear that America's decline is inevitable, that the next generation must lower its sights. "

"On this day we gather because we have chosen hope over fear."

"Starting today we must pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off, and begin the work of remaking America!"

"The stale political arguments that have consumed us for so long, no longer apply."

"We reject as false the choice between our safety and our ideals."

"For we know that our patchwork heritage is a strength, not a weakness."

"To the Muslim world, we seek a new way forward, based on mutual interest, and mutual respect."

"It is ultimately the faith and determination of the American people upon which this nation relies."

"What is required of us now is a new era of responsibility."

"This is the price and the promise of citizenship."

MacYapper - Great speech. Kick-ass.

OUR LONG NATIONAL NIGHTMARE OF EMBARRASSING BUMPKIN LEADERSHIP IS OVER!!!!!

CONGRATS PRESIDENT BARACK HUSSEIN OBAMA!!!!!

WOOOOO HOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


PERFECT WEEK FOR A POLITICAL COMEDY/PANEL SHOW

This Saturday Night 10:30 PM!
The Pittsburgh Cultural Trust Pittsburgh Pundits Series Presents:

ONE O'CLOCK, TWO O'CLOCK, THREE O'CLOCK BARACK

Now it will be The Black Dude taking that 3am phone call. Unless he transfers it to the State Department.

Will he be the Messiah? Or the opposite?

Did Dubya's obfuscation tour work?

Join us at the Cabaret Theater, 7th St. and Penn Avenue downtown Pittsburgh for great comedy and scintillating yapping.

Comics - MacYapper, Gab Bonesso

Panelists - Conservative activist Heather Heidelbaugh, Liberal Columnist Tony Norman, Somewhere In The Middle Advice Columnist Catherine Specter.

Cost $5
Time - 10:30 PM

Be there and be Theater Square!

UPCOMING COMEDY GIGS AND COMEDY AUDIO AT:

www.myspace.com/MacYapper

ROCK ON MAC-YIPPERS!
IT'S A NEW DAY!


email me at johnmcintire@comcast.net

Monday, January 19, 2009

OBAMA WILL HAVE TO GET ALONG WITHOUT ME EDITION



GO STILLERS! FREE CYRIL!


www.izzazu.com

Yo MacYippers!

Your MacYapper had a chance to go to the inauguration. He had obtained two of the incredibly hard to get tickets to the inaugural address. Then, he didn't have a place to stay. Then he remembered he has a D.C. friend who reports for USA Today who owes him a stay-over. Friend agreed and had air mattress.

Then MacYapper heard it's going to be 12 degrees with the wind chill in D.C. tomorrow. MacYapper isn't the MacYapper he used to be. I don't wait five hours in the cold for Led Zeppelin tickets any more.

The last time I went to a Stillers game, I believe it was a playoff game, I pissed in the sink with several drunks who couldn't wait for the ridiculous urinal lines. I waited in line forever for beer.

Then a lightbulb went off in my head. I live a few blocks from Heinz field. I have free beer in the fridge, a fireplace, and a place to urinate of my very own, in which I do not have to cross or compare swords with constantly high-fiving inebriated maniacs.

Yes, I like warmth. I like comfort.

I watched the Obama HBO special yesterday. I watched thousands gathered in front of the Lincoln Memorial. I noticed something. The great majority of them couldn't see squat.

Oh, they could see something. A giant TV screen. But that was it. And they looked cold. Very, very cold.

I shall watch the ceremonies from the comfort of my living room. I shall urinate at will. Can I have a cold beer to celebrate without worrying about porta-potty shortages (which have been reported)?

Yes I can.

COMING TO GRIPS WITH REALITY

Some people cannot. Most conservative thinkers have reached the conclusion that George Bush was a horrible President.

Whether they're angry about the unnecessary horribly costly war in Iraq, the misleading of the American people leading up to that war, the horribly mismanaged disaster that was Katrina, the miserable failure that is the economy, the inarticulate nature of a not-so-bright boob who utterly failed to inspire, his failure to pay attention to the terrorist threat pre-9/11, his illegal detentions, renditions, spying on Americans, or whatever.

Now there are plenty of yahoos and yutzes who think Bush's failure is all the media's fault. As if the media is in control.

But most folks with a brain get it. Bush as President? Not so good.

Then there are those who just can't let it go. Like my buddy and colleague, Ruth Ann Dailey.

POST-GAZETTE.COM - RUTH ANN DAILEY
http://post-gazette.com/pg/09019/942856-152.stm?cmpid=bcpanel2
But Bush supporters may not have to wait so long for vindication. The potential shift in public opinion of Mr. Bush's record is already getting a big assist from an unlikely source -- the rapidly sobering staffers and fans of President-elect Barack Obama.

Some of Mr. Bush's most controversial decisions -- like holding suspected enemy combatants at Guantanamo Bay -- are now being seen in a new light. Democrats in government and media have just discovered that many of the detainees are extremely dangerous men!



MacYapper -
Um, have you heard he's issuing an order to close it on day one?
Yes, it will take a year to close. But it's closing. Torture will end. Some may be tried in American courts.

In other words, he'll find a way to apply the rule of law to their detentions, and not just Bush law. But American constitutional law. Yes it's tricky. Yes, they're not just doing to be allowed to run free in our cities.

But it's simply inaccurate to say Obama now agrees with Bush on Guantanamo.

POST-GAZETTE.COM:
Citizens with brains and hearts engaged will consider the heretofore imponderable possibility that Mr. Bush, Dick Cheney et al. made their decisions in good faith, to preserve the republic, not to destroy it.

MacYapper -
They who can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety, deserve neither liberty nor safety.Benjamin Franklin.

Even if you believe their heart was in the right place, their decisions were dangerous, sometimes illegal and unconstitutional, and bull-in-a-china shop reckless. Of course their bull extended well beyond the china shop.


POST-GAZETTE.COM:

President Bush's record is a mixed bag, as is every president's. As a conservative, I agree with the liberal Ed Koch, who thinks that, like Truman standing against Soviet aggression, Mr. Bush "will be seen as one of the few world leaders who recognized the danger of Islamic terrorism and was willing … to stand up to it."

MacYapper - First of all, everybody knows Ed Koch has become a crazy old fart who nobody listens to any more.
Secondly, we were attacked. We attacked back. Why is this so remarkable? Al Gore or anyone else would have invaded Afghanistan. What they wouldn't have done is take our eye off the ball and unnecessarily invade Iraq.
Recognized Islamic terrorism? Before 9/11, not so much.
Recognized it when he was running around the country hiding like a little girl on 9/11? Yes, he was at least smart enough to recognize the OBVIOUS.

Willing to stand up to it? Sending the finest military machine on earth to get the bad guys? This is considered brave or something? The men and women, yes, brave. Bush? Squinting for several minutes in front of school kids instead of getting his dumb ass off the chair and DOING SOMETHING.

POST-GAZETTE.COM:
Mr. Bush's way of doing so -- the "pre-emptive war" in Iraq -- remains troubling to both cautious conservatives and anti-war leftists, but a young democracy growing there will be his vindication and an enormous relief.

MacYapper - She always does this. Just drops little sentences as if they are facts. There is no "young democracy growing there." Will there be someday? Who knows? But this morning, according to the Post-Gazette, somebody blew up the campaign manager for one of the Sunni candidates. Doesn't sound like they've got much of a handle on things yet.

And we won't know if they ever do, until we leave and see if they can function on their own. And their ability to do that is, as it has always been, in grave doubt.

POST-GAZETTE.COM:
And conservatives can celebrate Mr. Bush's grace. The departing president sternly warned his thousands of staffers against pulling the juvenile pranks that outgoing Clinton employees did -- i.e., removing the W keys from some executive-branch keyboards.

MacYapper - BTW, turns out that whole removing W from the keyboards thing wasn't true.
But of course, even if it was, I'm pretty sure the unnecessary war pretty much trumps any mistakes Clinton or his staffers made. Only the true nuttiest of the right wing nuts still remember and talk about that removing the W urban legend.

Yes Obama thanked Bush for his help on the way out because Obama is gracious. He's just doing tne non-partisan thing. That doesn't make it true.

And you don't think Barack and Michelle had at least one "that son-of-a-bitch" moment when they had to move into a freaking hotel instead of the Blair House because Asshole In Chief had given it, FOR ONE NIGHT, to the FORMER Prime Minister of Australia?

The guy just really sucked at his job. Plain and simple. Deal with it. We're fixing it now. Historians will not put on delusional rose colored glasses in a decade or two. This guy was horrible.

In a bi-partisan world, it's the one thing upon which people with "brains and hearts" should be able to agree.

And you'll have to prove to me that Dick Cheney has a heart.


MAC-YIPPER RJD ON D.C. AND RUTH ANN

John -

Wasn't Ruth recently part of the P-G exodus?
Please tell me that they didn't pay her actual freelance money for this pap!
Of course, Kristol is doing the same thing at the Times.
Seems all the neocon nutballs are having fun rewriting history...before the ink on the real history is even dry....

I also had a chance to do to DC tomorrow...and opted out for many of the same reasons, though peeing wasn't high on the list. I do think it's illustrative of one important issue; the lack of efficient mass transit; 'cause we all knew we'd have to drive our cars there, then look for some place to stow them. Here's hoping that Obama presses for a renewal of the passenger rail system nationwide. After all, we're going to need some way to hall more hobos around the country...

MacYipper RJD




MAC-YAPPER REVISED PREDICTIONS


No one will successfully challenge Opie Stillerstahl.
Danny Onorato will be the next Governor.
Republican A.G. Tom Corbett is solid. But he's got Mike Fisher disease. He's BORING.

Unless your name is Casey, you can't be boring and be elected to statewide office.

Happily, I can now revise one of my predictions.
The Eagles ain't goin' to the Bowl, hence, they can't beat the Stillers.

And the Stillers are going to mop up the field with the new Birds.

Larry Fitzgerald aside, and he's awesome, these Birds are going to run into a brick wall called Stillers Defense.

Doesn't Dan Rooney always look like he's trying to suppress a fart?

What could go wrong in Tampa? Two words. Limas Sweed.

POST-GAZETTE.COM:
http://www.post-gazette.com/pg/09019/942852-66.stm
Steelers rookie receiver Limas Sweed dropped what would have been a 50-yard touchdown pass at the 10 when he was wide open with just under a minute left in the first half. He then rolled around as if injured, costing the Steelers a precious time out, their last of the half.

"I wish he'd just catch the football," Tomlin said. "That's all part of growing up."


MacYapper - This kid better grow up fast. Or he'll be buried underneath the South Side practice facility.
Isn't that where they buried Kordell?

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Friday, January 16, 2009

GOODBYE MR. BUSH EDITION



FREE CYRIL!


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Yo MacYippers!

Off Q Live Tonight at 7:30 featuring MacYapper and the usual suspects!
Political hot potatoes! Recession cold comfort! And lots of controversial scintillating yapping!

www.wqed.org

WHOA IT IS F'ING COLD OUT THERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
http://post-gazette.com/pg/09016/942302-66.stm
Steelers Coach Mike Tomlin had a change of mind this morning, but not because of the biting near-zero temperature.

The Steelers were scheduled to practice outside today in their final preparation for Sunday's AFC Championship game against the Baltimore Ravens, but they had to move their workout inside because the outdoor practice field was frozen.

However, to make it as cold as possible, Tomlin had the doors to the indoor facility opened during practice, making the temperature close to 32 degrees.


MacYapper - In troubled times like these, we need inspiration. We need help. We need hope. Recession. Depression. Frigid temps.
We must turn to the great philosopher, the incomparable, J.C.


QUOTE FROM THE GREAT AND POWERFUL J.C.:
"How cold is it?
It's so cold, I saw a dog stuck to a fire hydrant."


MacYapper - Hey, you worship your J.C., I'll worship mine.


DUBYA, DUBYA, DUBYA, DOT, GET-THE-F-OUT, DOT COM !

So Dubya gives his farewell address.
It is posted here... NOT.
More of the Bush Rep-Rehab tour.
But no one's buying any tickets.



ASSOCIATED PRESS:

http://apnews.myway.com/article/20090116/D95O80BG4.html

"As the years passed, most Americans were able to return to life much as it had been before 9/11," Bush said in a prime-time address from the East Room of the White House. "But I never did."

MacYapper - Gee, that's not a line designed to engender sympathy. Oh, no.

Although hangin' out in Crawford while New Orleans was dying... that kinda sounds like you found your stride eventually.

ASSOCIATED PRESS:

Bush said he leaves with a "thankful heart." He expressed gratitude to his family. "Above all, I thank the American people for the trust you have given me."

That trust, however, has eroded over the years. His approval rating soared to 90 percent after the Sept. 11 attacks, but he's leaving office as a new Gallup Poll puts it at 34 percent. That's up from 25 percent just before the November elections, reflecting a bump that presidents commonly get just before they leave office.


MacYapper -
Ah, yes, the "bump." As in don't let the door bump you in the ass on your way to Dallas.
We have NOT given you trust. Most of us, as the poll shows, wouldn't trust you to munch a bowl of pretzels without F'ing it up.
But we trust you'll go away and shut up.
And we can't wait.

What will he do without the White House valet?

I guess there are bound to be some adjustments.

Good luck to you sir. Shitty oilman. Lousy baseball club owner. Mediocre Governor.
One of the worst Presidents ever.
May you find something at which you are good.

Back atcha.

THESE HOMOPHOBES ARE GETTING ON MY NERVES!

I'm not sure what the hell is going on with bill designed to protect gays from discrimination in the county, but I'm about ready to make some calls to find out.
I know that chicken-shit councilors have been running from the bill like stupid Spaniards fleeing large animals.

But I don't know where Danny O is on this. And I sense, even among supporters, a desire to kick this can down the road. As if the homophobes have even intimidated some of the true supporters. Is there any such thing as political courage in 2009?
It seems in short supply.

Then there's the PG story about the public hearing on the bill yesterday. It is MOST annoying.
For some reason, the reporter decides the lead should be glorifying a war hero and his religious based homophobic views.
AND YOU DON'T HEAR BOO FROM THE GOOD GUYS, IN THE PRINT VERSION, UNTIL THE JUMP...
So if you just glance at the front page of the local section you think, hmmm... war hero braves cold to trump evil homos.

POST-GAZETTE.COM:
http://post-gazette.com/pg/09016/942228-85.stm
Charlie Craig is a retired Army master sergeant who has served in wars and conflicts from Vietnam to the Balkans. So it was no big deal for him to brave frigid temperatures so he could speak out last night on an emotionally charged issue.

Mr. Craig was one of 85 people who spoke about a proposal before Allegheny County Council that would ban all forms of discrimination and also would create a human rights commission.

"I oppose this legislation because I think it's a government intrusion on our religion," Mr. Craig said. "It is going to force us to accept in our churches a lifestyle that is condemned by God, and I think it is wrong."


MacYapper -
Call me paranoid, but I sense reporter bias here.
Right away you give this guy credibility by making him a veteran veteran. And he "braved" frigid temps. So did everyone else!
But then he's the "brave" guy who fought in two wars. It's just curious that you create a hero from the get-go and then give his quote the first and most prominent play. It is NOT the way to write a story about a contentious issue such as this. Unless of course you just happen to agree with Mr. War Hero.

And here's what really pisses me off. The war hero is an idiot. "It's a government intrusion on our religion." Moron. Your religion is intruding on the government. Don't you get it? Of course not.

You went to war, but did you take a High School civics class? It's OUR government.
It's YOUR religion.
We don't have a state religion you hypnotized homophobe. I'm so tired of these people who presume to speak for God to justify their shallow transparent hateful anachronistic bigotry.

The PG piece was also choppy. The turnout was good you say? Then why didn't it get more ink? I know you have to hire new folks and pay kids crap and the quality is bound to suffer. And my apologies in advance to the reporter if I'm just being paranoid because of my biases. But a little balance... as in not making us wait several paragraphs for the other side... would be nice.

POST-GAZETTE.COM:
"We have a lot of work to do with it," said Mr. Fitzgerald. "We still have to see whether we can afford to implement it and how it will be enforced, so we still have a long way to go."

MacYapper - Rich, WTF? You and I were both at the rally for this ordinance. We have to see whether we can AFFORD to implement it?
You mean we might be too cheap to have equal rights and no discrimination?

Somebody's trying to delay this. Who? And Why?

I'm gonna sniff around.

Sniff, sniff.

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Thursday, January 15, 2009

OH NO SHE DIH-UN'T EDITION



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Yo MacYippers!

So everyone from Chris Rock to MacYapper axed the question during the campaign... is Barack Black enough?

Sure he can play b-ball. But look at his teammates?

In the end, the non-threatening Negro seemed to pacify enough Americans.
Hallelujah! Thank God Almighty, we're free at last!

Post racial-osity don'tcha know!

NYTIMES.COM:
http://www.nytimes.com/2009/01/15/fashion/15race.html?scp=2&sq=obama%20race&st=cse
In what Mr. Rice calls the “everydayness” of race relations, his interactions with whites can be stilted and strained, even when there is no overt racism.

Even Mr. Rice’s wife, Becca Knox, 43, who is white, said that despite being married to a black man for six years, finding a comfortable way to talk about race with people of other races, particularly African-Americans, that is sensitive but not self-conscious, candid but not offensive, is still “a constant, constant struggle and process.”

But over the last few months, both Mr. Rice and Ms. Knox, who live in Washington, have been struck by the slight easing of these examples of what psychologists describe as “interracial anxiety” between blacks and whites. That is because there is a now an omnipresent icebreaker: Barack Obama.



MacYapper - Yes, this black guy and his white wife are comforted by the White House being occupied by The Black Dude, in part because it makes conversations about race less awkward. For some reason.

Dude, whatever works!

But perhaps there is something we haven't considered. And we're snotty Americans, so we better get to considering it.

What about the First Black First Lady?

What's the difference? C'mon dude, this one's black. No white parent here.

Is this shocking and tasteless to bring up? Of course.
But that's what your MacYapper is here for.

And besides, I didn't bring it up.

The Goddamn liberal media did.

BLOOMBERG.COM:
http://www.bloomberg.com/apps/news?pid=20601070&sid=aNA8G_wYm0QM&refer=home
‘Neck Snap’

“She’s got to deal with the stereotype about black women being bossy and too strong and domineering,” said Emory University political scientist Andra Gillespie. “If you see her neck snap too much, people are going to say ‘that’s a little too sister or too ghetto.’ That’s different than anything her predecessors had to deal with.”


MacYapper - Did an Emory University political scientist really say this? On no she dih-unt!

Wow. So Michelle actually, apparently, has to worry more about being too black than Hubby In Chief.

Like she doesn't already have enough scrutiny about her wardrobe.

BLOOMBERG.COM:
The issue of racial stereotypes is probably more defining for the incoming first lady than it is for her husband. A descendant of slaves in South Carolina, Michelle Robinson was raised in a neighborhood transformed by white flight.

At Princeton, she wasn’t shy about her views on race. Obama’s senior thesis was on “Princeton-Educated Blacks and the Black Community.” At Harvard, she protested the lack of minority students and professors.

“She cannot escape race the way her husband can escape race,” said Gillespie. “She cannot invoke a white parent or an exotic upbringing to deflect racial anxiety.”


MacYapper - Oh, you made Whitey move out, eh? Compared Princeton blacks to regular blacks in some snotty pseudo-intellectual thesis, eh? Protesting the absence of Negroes at Harvard, eh?

Harumph. How do you expect we white folks to forget you're black if you keep blackin' it up girl?

If you're not an idiot, you know I'm joking.

And the good news is Michelle Obama is brilliant, poised, has a great head on her shoulders, has Barack around her little finger, and she'll do just fine. In fact she'll be great.

OPIE SCORES AGAIN IN NEW YORK TIMES

Jesus the NYT loves Opie. I remember being quoted once in a Times story about him. I tried to explain. But the reporter clearly has his story line... boy mayor hits rough patches but overall is as cute as a button and some easy shit I can follow up on on slow days from time to time.

So yesterday Opie went with that taking the "Ravens" name out of his Ravenstahl moniker. It was an idea hatched by my former CBS colleage J.R. of the Star Morning Show.

The PG covered it. The PG "Early Returns" blog hated it... thought it was too cute by half. I, my own self, thought it was "standard stuff" but "cute," and I thought a good little piece of PR fluff before the big game. I even credited whoever his new communications person is with helping to roll this thing out.

But I can't believe the freaking NEW YORK TIMES picked it up. Jesus, they love this kid. We're doomed, I tell you. Doomed!

NYTIMES.COM:

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/01/15/sports/football/15mayor.html?scp=1&sq=ravenstahl&st=cse
Ravenstahl’s attendance at Steelers games in 2007 became so politically controversial — he was receiving free tickets from entities like the University of Pittsburgh — that he stopped going to games during his campaign. On Wednesday, however, there was a little sense of hope in reactions to the name prank, as if, perhaps, it might help the team.

“I haven’t heard anyone put any seriousness into it,” said J. R. Randall, the D. J. at Star 100.7 FM who called Ravenstahl on Tuesday to suggest the change. “But this is a football-crazy town.”

Ravenstahl first gained fame in 2006, when, at 26, he became the nation’s youngest big-city mayor after Mayor Bob O’Connor died. A Democrat in a Democratic city, Ravenstahl won a special election in 2007 despite a challenge from a Republican candidate who criticized his experience and the city’s formidable financial challenges. But voters overwhelmingly picked him, in part because he had helped to get a new arena approved for the Penguins.


MacYapper - I'm a defender of the Times. And I love how they constantly praise The Brillo Box (another great Gab Bonesso produced show last night, featuring, among others, moi).


But the summations of the political goings on here by the Times often seem... well... just incorrect.

People don't consider Opie a key player in the Pens drama. Everybody knows Danny O and Fast Eddie got that done. Opie was, well, in the room. At least he didn't screw it up.

And he wasn't elected largely, or in my view at all, on the strength of that deal.
People here want the kid to do well 'cause he's a cute kid and he inherited the office in an emotional Waltons story line kinda way. And it's about that simple.

And as I told you yesterday, nobody can beat him.

So we're stuck with him. Unless he gets caught having sex at Club Pittsburgh.

And even Opie isn't that crazy.

PITTSBURGH DISH HAS IDEAS FOR AN OPIE REPLACEMENT NAME:

http://pittsburghdish.typepad.com/pittsburgh_dish/2009/01/callow-mayor-is.html

MacYapper's favorite: * Luke Steelersfansgetdrunkandpukenstahl

TONIGHT COMEDY AT GARFIELD ARTWORKS! JOHN PRIDEMORE. GAB BONESSO. MAC-YAPPER. OTHERS.
8PM
Garfield Artworks
4931 Penn Avenue
Pittsburgh, PA 15224
$5


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Wednesday, January 14, 2009

PREDICTIONS EDITION



FREE CYRIL!


www.izzazu.com

Yo MacYippers!

What up? Time to make some predictions. Why? Why not.

You can stop preparing for suicide. At least until the Super Bowl.
The Stillers will beat the evil Ravens and their punk-ass linebacker corps.
They will lose to the Eagles in the Super Bowl.
So save your suicide for then.

Always looking for entrepreneurial opportunities, if you want to kill yourself after the Stillers lose the big one, but you don't have the guts, MacYapper is willing to find you and kill you.

For a small fee.

Now just because I'm making predictions, doesn't mean I plan on going out on a limb. Necessarily.

Here's an easy one. Luke Ravenstahl will win re-election. Sorry Pat Dowd. Bummer Doug Shields.

This city is too apathetic to take a serious look at what might be wrong with Opie and what might be right with alternatives.

Too apathetic. Too lazy. Too disinterested. Congrats Opie! You've done it again.


POST-GAZETTE.COM:
http://post-gazette.com/pg/09014/941656-100.stm
Pittsburgh Mayor Luke Ravenstahl, at least for this week, wants to be known as Luke Steelerstahl.

"On behalf of the Steelers Nation, I've decided to remove the word 'Ravens' from my name just like the Steelers will remove them from the AFC Championship," he said, referring to Sunday's playoff game against the Baltimore Ravens.


MacYapper - Cute. Standard stuff, but they haven't been that good at the standard stuff in Opieville.

The new communications folk must be better than what's-her-name who liked to receive stereo equipment from people doing biz with the city.

Probably not a high hurdle to cross.

Here's one that takes a little more rubbing of my crystal balls. Danny Onorato will be the next Governor.
Yes he has serious opposition from the other side of the state... the side with all the people.
Yes Auditor General Jack Wagner's running complicates things, since they'll divide up this side of the state.
Yes he's not the perfectly clean untouched dude he once was before DrinkTax-Gate.

But he's skillful. He's got cash and he'll get more. The drink tax, in the long run, will be a minor hit. And he'll have Fast Eddie in his corner.
You can't beat that combo. Congratulations Danny O! Kill some geese and let's have a celebratory feast!



Barack Obama will succeed in turning the economy around.
But progress will be sssssssllllllllooooooowwwwwwww.
Things will suck the big wazoo at least through '09.
Once again, not exactly going out on a limb here.
Well, at least not with the last part.

This fairy tale will have a happy ending... eventually.

Al Franken will be seated. BTW, this prediction was made the day after the election.
This is karma. Revenge for the stolen election of 2000. There would have been a similar outcome had the Supreme Court not scandalously and shamelessly stopped the counting of legitimate votes. And the world would be a vastly different place.
But, no use crying over spilled lame-o legal rationalizations disguised as legitimate rulings.

And doggone it, people like him.

More predictions in the days to come.

Thanks everyone who came out to Gab Bonesso's Brillo Box Underground Comedy show last night!

UPCOMING COMEDY SHOWS INCLUDING THURSDAY AT GARFIELD ARTWORKS INFO AVAILABLE AT:

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EENIE WEENIE CHILE BEANIE!
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email me at johnmcintire@comcast.net

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

HYMEN FOR SALE! EDITION



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Yo MacYippers! Today we take a break from the political. Although the recession is certainly political.

So it's rough out there. Money's tight. And so, theoretically, is the grand prize of this little game being played by a 22 year old college student.

Her sister worked for three weeks as a prostitute at the Bunny Ranch in Nevada. She raised so much money, it paid for a significant portion of her college.

So Natalie Dylan, who's got a lotta nerve (hear Bob), has decided to one-up her sister.

She's auctioning off her virginity. That's what I said. And for a while she was getting bids of hundreds of thousands.

But now she's getting bids into the millions.

I wish I had a similar fundraising tool.


HERALDSUN.COM:
http://www.news.com.au/heraldsun/story/0,21985,24907753-661,00.html
AN Australian businessman is leading a $5 million online bidding war to claim the virginity of a 22-year-old student.

He is just one among more than 10,000 men bidding for the promised night of passion.

Miss Dylan's offer first came to light in September, when the offers reached more than $350,000, but bids have now reached $5.6 million.

The Sun reports an unnamed 39-year-old Australian businessman is now the highest bidder.

Natalie Dylan's chastity sale was first reported in September by US radio shock jock Howard Stern, but since then interest in her has rocketed with record hits to her MySpace page.


MacYapper - Here, if you just can't help yourself, and you know that you can't, is Natalie's MySpace page.

http://www.myspace.com/nataliedylan

HERALDSUN.COM:
''I am shocked by how far this has gone,'' the 22-year-old told The Daily Mail.

''It's shocking that men will pay so much for someone's virginity, which isn't even prized so highly anymore."


MacYapper - That's what I'm saying. I've railed about the stupidity of Muslim women in Europe who have their hymen's reattached because their idiot husbands-to-be demand virgins.

What is so wonderful about hymens? Virginity, schminity! Give me an experienced whore every time. Well, a disease-free experienced whore.

Here's Natalie with her more conventional whore sister.


Why do I bring this up at all? Because I'm jealous. Who wants to purchase an aging baby boomer sex organ? I need cash and I don't have anything valuable to auction off.

Could anyone use a nearly dead cat?

Anybody want a winter ride in a Mustang convertible?

Somewhere I've got an autographed napkin from the guy who played Robin in TV's Batman series?

Anybody?

How about a mug from my old TV show? NightTalk mugs anyone?

Jesus the cupboard is bare. Not as bare as Natalie Dylan's auctionable asset, presumably, (these kids today) but pretty damn close.

Let's see. I'll walk around with you for a day and insult everyone you don't like for a tidy sum.

I need to think about this more.

HERALDSUN.COM:
"People might think it's strange for a 22-year-old to be a virgin, but I've always been careful about what I do," she said.

"I've had two serious boyfriends, and of course we were intimate in some ways, but they were nice guys and were patient with me.


MacYapper - Looosers.
Patient with her? This calculating whore was too pristine to give it up for someone she cared about, but for a few million bucks, she'll ride you like a bucking bronco?

Again, I'm just jealous.

Is there a bad Demi Moore movie in this somehow?

Anyone?

HERALDSUN.COM:
"I've had such a range of messages, from weirdos who say they love me, to those who get really graphically sexual about what they want to do to me.

"I'm also getting lots of polite requests from rich businessmen.

"I think me and the person I do it with will both profit greatly from the deal," she added.


MacYapper - There's no freaking way the rich moron you con into this will profit as much as you.

God men are disgusting. And stupid. They really do think with their Lyndon Baines Johnsons.

Gittin all ol' school on your wintery butts.

TONIGHT AT THE BRILLO BOX - FREE COMEDY - GAB BONESSO - MAC-YAPPER - MANY OTHERS!

9pm
4104 Penn Avenue Pittsburgh
Be there and be square.

ROCK ON MAC-YIPPERS! DO NOT GO GENITAL INTO THAT GOOD NIGHT!
UNLESS THERE'S CASH-MONEY INVOLVED!


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Monday, January 12, 2009

POSITIVELY DELUSIONAL EDITION



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Yo MacYippers!

George Bush is positively delusional. But you knew that.

He just said, in his final news conference, that he wasn't "worried about popularity" when he took action after 9/11.

Well that's a good thing. Because he is the least popular President in modern times, and perhaps the least popular, and worst, in history.

Historian Douglas Brinkley reiterated, recently, that Bush is one of the bottom five Presidents, citing Reagan, as one of the top five.

By any objective measure this guy truly sucked at his job.

He's still defending his Katrina behavior by saying that if he would have landed in New Orleans, cops would have been taken away from their duties elsewhere.

Yeah, why should the leader of the nation get a first hand view of a major disaster.

But then he got that every time he looked in the mirror.

I don't want to pick apart the entire news conference. Because you already agree with me.

Even in the darkest moments of Iraq, says Bush, "there were times where we could be lighthearted. And support each other. "

Well I'm just so freakin' happy that you were able to giggle through all the unnecessary death.

Now he's denying the federal response to Katrina was slow. He says 30,000 people were pulled off rooftops right after the storm passed through.

But after that, you bumbling bumpkin, the feds sat with their thumbs up their asses for weeks and months. It's documented. It's inarguable. You're a moron.

Good riddance to bumpkin rubbish.

So long Chimp in Chief, goodbye Commander in Thief, the country is turning over a new leaf.

WHAT IF THEY GAVE A RALLY AND NOBODY CAME?

I had agreed to speak at a gay rights rally. The homophobes (or those who are just frightened of the alleged power of the homophobes) on County Council are dropping like flies in their support for a measure that would prevent discrimination against gays in the county, virtually identical to the one which accomplishes the same goals in the city.

But it was cold and windy and snowy and shitty and sleety and unless it's a Stillers game (congrats... Go Stillers!) Pikksburghers do not trek to events in such weather.


But about 100 of them did, a very respectable turnout considering. And The Reverend Janet Edwards, a self described bi-sexual Presbyterian minister who got in trouble for performing a non-binding lesbian marriage ceremony, decided to try to make the rally all civil rightsy n' at. She led a lock arms, sway back and forth, version of "We are climbing Jacob's ladder."


She explained to me later we need a civil rights anthem like "we shall overcome" or people won't get that this is the new civil rights movement. Not sure. It worked but was a little awkward. But worth a try. And it was the picture that got in the paper.

http://www.post-gazette.com/pg/09011/941135-52.stm
"We are people -- just like you are," they sang to the tune of "Jacob's Ladder." "We want -- justice -- now."

Allegheny County Council has scheduled a public hearing on the proposed legislation at 5 p.m. Thursday.

The bill would ban discrimination in housing and employment on multiple grounds, including race, religion, disability and gender identity and sexual orientation.

It is the inclusion of gender identity and sexual orientation that has made the measure controversial and its future unclear.

County Councilwoman Amanda Green, D-Stanton Heights, sponsored the ordinance, and she has the tentative support of seven of her colleagues.

Some of those councilmen, however, have told her they have been getting calls and e-mails from constituents opposed to the measure, urging them to rethink their positions.


MacYapper - And these are the cowardly council people, scaredy cats like Michael Finnerty, who've been folding like a cheap pup tent under pressure from hateful homophobes.

I called them cowardly at the rally. Rep. Dan Frankel of Squirrel Hill, later told the crowd you shouldn't just blame the councilmen, because they're getting pressure.
The inability to resist pressure to do the right thing is why they are cowards.

But Frankel, a great guy whose head an heart are always in the right place, makes an excellent point. We've got to put the pressure on, too. So call your county council person. Or show up at the public hearing on Thursday.

This is a no brainer. And the ONLY reason to oppose it is because, as luminaries such as Jumpin' Jack Murtha and Fast Eddie Rendell have pointed out, we have more than our share of bigots in Allegheny County.

Let's end this thing. It's silly.

GAB'S BRILLO BOX COMEDY WITH MAC-YAPPER TOMORROW NIGHT!

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Friday, January 09, 2009

SARAH PALIN IS STILL A GODDAMN IDIOT EDITION



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Yo MacYippers!


SARAHCUDA REARS HER NOT UGLY BUT STUPID HEAD


So some right wing nut is doing a documentary. The point of view is that the evil liberal media skewed the public's understanding of the truth, hence, Obama.

It couldn't be that they realized John McCain sold his soul and wasn't the independent maverick he claimed to be. It couldn't be that they thought Sarah Palin was a Goddmamn idiot who shouldn't be a heartbeat away, much less anywhere NEAR the center of the most powerful office in the world.

Oh no. It's GOT TO be that the media hypnotized us all.

And now the right wing documentarian has released excerpts. And today the Palin folks issued a statement questioning John Ziegler's (the nutbag) motives since he released excerpts before the documentary has been released.

And I just witnessed the bizarre reaction of Ziegler on MSNBC, where he took offense at Palin's statement, saying he has her best interests at heart. And then he obnoxiously claimed that Nora O'Donnell, the MSNBC anchor NEVER mentioned that Rod Blagojevich is a Democrat. Which is stupid and not true.

And he said MSNBC had never talked about Obama endorsing Blago twice back in the day. Which is not true because I saw it analyzed on Hardball ad nauseam.

Which means he's another right wing reactionary idiot determined to prove that the so-called liberal media is the scourge of the universe.

Because these petty little douchebags with their petty little beat-them-to-death themes, just can't stop obsessing. They're really sick, sick people.

Here's the Palin video.



So much to pick apart and ridicule. She claims Caroline Kennedy isn't being scrutinized as much as she is. Kennedy is being raked over the coals. Dumbnuts isn't paying attention.

She says if she'd been a Democrat she'd be treated better. She was treated poorly because she's an idiot, not because she's a Republican.

This is her take on Tina Fey.

PEOPLE.COM:
http://www.people.com/people/article/0,,20251192,00.html
"A lot of people are capitalizing [on my fame]," Palin says, noting that Fey won plenty of accolades for her performance.

MacYapper - They're capitalizing on your cartoon character ignorance and stupidity, not your "fame." You're famous for being a bimbo, you bimbo.

Here's a classic bunch of bullshit. Palin complains about the Katie Couric interview. But then never saw it.

YOU CAN'T CRITICIZE THE INTERVIEW AND HOW IT WAS EDITED IF YOU NEVER WATCHED IT, YOU SELF SERVING MORONIC BIMBO FROM HELL.

PEOPLE.COM:
"I never saw the interview after Katie edited it," Palin says in an excerpt from the documentary that was made available on YouTube. (Watch above.) "My understanding was so many more topics that were brought up weren't portrayed as accurately as they should have been."

More pointedly, the governor turns feisty when asked why she could not answer Couric's now-infamous question about her reading habits.

"Katie, you're not the center of everybody's universe," she says, responding to the CBS anchor's persistence that Palin address the question. "To me, the question was more along the lines of 'Do you read? What is it that you guys do up there?'

"Perhaps I was just too flippant in my answer," she says in the documentary.


MacYapper - "My understanding..."? Based on sympathetic friends or family members who would demonize the media no matter what since you looked like such a Goddamn idiot?

It's only your monumental insecurity, based logically on your massive incompetence and lack of readiness, that made you think her question was anything more than a simple fucking question that anyone... ANYONE ON EARTH... could have answered with aplomb.

Flippant? Try intimidated, scared out of your wits.

This revisionist history is going to lead to a Palin rebirth. Let's pray she's nominated. Because other than the 30 percent of the country that's too dumb to know she's too dumb, she is recognized far and wide as the dumbest dumbass the Republican party or any other major political entity has put up for major office in the history of American politics.

Here's the nutbag documentarian his own self arguing with David Schuster on MSNBC.



So. Sarah Palin thinks Katie Couric was unfair. But she never saw the interview. More deep research from this historic lightweight.

If there is a Mount Rushmore of political airheads...

OK only two are airheads. The other is a sell-out. And the other is Satan.

MAC-YIPPER RALPH HAS A BONE TO PICK:
Hi John:
I have to disagree with your assentment that Sarah Palin is an idiot. She is not smart enough to be classified as an idiot.
Ralph Beyer

BIG RALLY FOR GAY RIGHTS ON SATURDAY


OK I know it might be snowing. But there are these cowardly knuckleheads on the County Council who are running scared of their homophobic constituents.

As a result, they're withdrawing support for an anti-discrimination ordinance which would make sure gays can't get canned or refused housing because they're gays.
Civil rights, pure and simple people.

More info at www.pghlesbian.com and www.gabbonesso.com

I'm one of the speakers at this rally tomorrow at Schenley Plaza in Oakland. We need you to come out and make a stink so somebody pays attention!

Gab is the emcee and will entertain you.

So snow or no snow, get your butts out there!

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ROCK ON MAC-YIPPERS!
COUNTY GAYS DESERVE THE SAME RIGHTS AS CITY GAYS!
AND ALL HUMANS!


email me at johnmcintire@comcast.net

Thursday, January 08, 2009

LIGHTNING FAST ANALYSIS



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Yo MacYippers!

Notice I cut down the MacYippers up front from three to one! That's because we're in a hurry. You're a busy beaver. You don't even have time for decent food. You're shoving down that Egg McMuffin faster than you can say Rod Blagojevich. And let's face it you can't say it, much less spell it.

So, let's get to it!

OPIE AND THE GANG - PAY FOR PLAY


Rich Lord, Jerome Sheman, and others at the PG have done excellent work. Yes Opie does pay for play. Campaign contributions for action, or, in the case of a gay "exercise" club where two guys have died recently, the lack of action.

Here's the problem. Everybody does it. Governors. Senators. Presidents.

Does that mean you turn a blind eye? No. You look for the most egregious excesses and try to keep them somewhat honest because you'll never change the entire system, short of miraculous reform legislation that would never pass.

Meantime, why is Yarone Zober, Opie's Chief of Staff, making sure that even though a Strip District facility isn't licensed for gay sex and people keep dying there... why is he making sure it stays open and insuring no intense follow up scrutiny?

No, it's not what you think. It's what the PG wrote. These gay guys are smart and respectable and they know if you want to run a gay sex club disguised as an exercise facility in a small town like this, you gotta pony up some campaign contribution doe.

Same as it ever was. And really? You assign the guy who's name is "Sheman" to cover this story? Probably a coincidence. Or a snarky editor who likes to chuckle to himself.

POST-GAZETTE.COM:
http://post-gazette.com
/pg/09008/940366-53.stm

Told in June of impermissible sexual activity at a Strip District club that was the scene of a death Sunday, Pittsburgh officials decided not to inspect the inside and didn't take a city lawyer's suggestion that they conduct "an undercover assignment."

MacYapper - Now there's a gay cop looking to have some fun.

POST-GAZETTE.COM:
Mayor Luke Ravenstahl yesterday characterized the city's handling of Club Pittsburgh, at 1139 Penn Ave. as "normal procedures," and bristled at any suggestion that they got "preferential treatment" because of their political fundraising on his behalf.

I'm sure some fellas at the club wouldn't mind bristling Opie.

From the looks of his head he's at least already getting some noogies.

MacYapper will point this out. At least it's not a homophobic "what, there are gays having fun?" shut the place down frenzy. And at least the city has the anti-discrimination ordinance in plays for gays, unlike those County Council Cowards like Michael Finnerty who at first supported and have now abandoned an anti-discrimination ordinance for the county.

Here's to the gang at carbolicsmokeblog.blogspot.com/2008/02/mayor-.. for providing this precious photo.

SPEAKING OF WHAT WE WERE SPEAKING OF...

You won't have Kevin McClatchy to kick around any more. He's selling his remaining interest in the Buccos. For years he was the poster child for what's wrong with this dismal, depressing, debilitating team.

Remember the "five year plan?" Didn't work. After five years, they sucked. The irony is they finished 2nd in the division their last year at Three Rivers, and then started sucking wildly when we got the beautiful new park.

Is Kevin leaving now that his favorite "exercise" club is getting scrutiny? No idea.

But give him this. PNC Park is still a jewel among ballparks in the USA. Did we get robbed by corporate welfare? Yeah. But at least they didn't screw it up.

POST-GAZETTE.COM:
http://post-gazette.com/pg/09008/940377-63.stm
Kevin McClatchy, the Pirates' controlling owner from 1996 to 2007, has cut his ties with the franchise by selling his minority share of ownership.

That share, less than 5 percent, was purchased by the current controlling owner, Bob Nutting, who added to a majority stake that now is more than 60 percent. No financial details were divulged when the Pirates announced the sale yesterday, but the franchise's value was estimated at $292 million by Forbes Magazine in April of last year, and 5 percent of that would be roughly $15 million.


MacYapper -Will Kevin sell his house here? Has he had it with this Jerkwater town? Is he divesting himself of this nightmare because why would he continue to bang his head against a brick wall with a perennial loser? Why did he used to use Melissa Hart as a beard? Is that ironic?
Beats me.

BARACK OBAMA UPSTAGES THE CHIMP

Obama got uppity in the Oval Office yesterday. And it was wonderful. The Chimp In Chief said his piece about all the living Presidents chowing down.


And I'm sure you saw the part about Brother Bill admiring the Oval Office rug.
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/northamerica/usa/barackobama/4162944/Barack-Obama-meets-US-presidents-at-White-House-lunch.html
"I just love that rug," he cooed, looking down at the pale gold rug with sunbeam design that Mr Bush brought with him in 2000 and which will shortly be packed off to his home state Texas.

MacYapper - If you stain the hell out of a rug and somebody replaces it, you're going to love the new rug.

But the icing on the cake was when Obama didn't completely defer to the Chimp!

http://www.washingtontimes.com/news/2009/jan/08/obama-upstages-bush-at-gathering-of-the-presidents/
"And one message that I have and I think we all share is that we want you to succeed. Whether we're Democrat or Republican, we care deeply about this country. And to the extent we can, we look forward to sharing our experiences with you. All of us who have served in this office understand that the office itself transcends the individual. And we wish you all the very best. And so does the country.

"Thank you all." Done, finished, over and out.

Junior White House staffers immediately bellowed "Thank you! Thanks, guys!" in an aggressive call for the press to vamoose. The giant "scoop" television lights that illuminated the members of the world's most exclusive club were quickly shut off as reporters and photographers began heading for the door.


Protocol calls for the Chimp to speak, and everyone then to shuffle off to Buffalo, or wherever they eat lunch in the White House.

But Rockin' Barack wasn't having it.

WASHINGTONTIMES.COM:
But just then, the man who takes over the house on Jan. 20 on a long-term lease -- four years, with an option to renew for four more -- decided that the show wasn't quite over.

"This is an extraordinary gathering. All the gentlemen here understand both the pressures and possibilities of this office. And for me to have the opportunity to get advice, good counsel and fellowship with these individuals is extraordinary. And I'm very grateful to all of them. But again thank you, Mr. President, for hosting us."

(For the record, the official White House Web site cuts the video off after the president's comments, just as Mr. Bush is shaking hands with Mr. Obama.)


MacYapper - Perhaps Barack violated protocol by speaking. But let's face it. No one on God's green earth gives a shit about what Dubya has to say. And we're hanging on The Black Dude's every word.

And maybe Barack did it because Dubya is an asshole.

GEORGE DUBYA - THERE IS NO BIGGER ASS IN HISTORY

Dubya's longtime butt buddy, the FORMER Prime Minister of Australia, John Howard, is staying in the Blair House, preventing Barack and family from moving in. They wanted to get the kids started in school.

Mind you the Blair House is traditionally where incoming Presidents stay until they're President. Mind you, Howard is only staying there for ONE NIGHT!

http://www.theaustralian.news.com.au/story/0,25197,24889936-5013404,00.html

AMERICAN political analysts and citizens alike are outraged that John Howard has bumped Barack Obama from a majestic guesthouse opposite the White House that is traditionally used for incoming US presidents in the lead-up to their inauguration.

The Washington Post yesterday summed up the Blair House affair thus: "119 rooms, 70,000 square feet and one lucky Australian."


MacYapper - Howard is an ass who should and won't give up his lodging. Of course he's a friend of Dubya's so chances are good he would be a complete ass. But it's not his fault.

It's George Bush's fault. He is truly an asshole's asshole. This is the last slight. The last frat boy jab. I'm sure he's doing his Chimpanzee Giggle ("heh, heh, heh") late at night while Laura wistfully mulls over the fact that they've only got a few days to enjoy the new china.

How could there be a more immature, petty, junior high world leader than George W. Bush? There couldn't. Never has been. God willing, never will be.

This tragic and embarrassing chapter in American history is almost over.

We'll soon have a President with a brain.

Praise Jesus.

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ROCK ON MAC-YIPPERS! ONLY A FEW MORE DAYS OF THE INSUFFERABLE ASS!

email me at johnmcintire@comcast.net

Wednesday, January 07, 2009

THIS IS JUST GETTING SILLY EDITION



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Yo, yo, yo, MacYippers! What up?

This just in... Alcohol can reduce the risk of Alzheimer's disease. Which is why my mind's like a steel trap.

So drink up and let the chips fall where they may.

SILLY BOYS BEING RIDICULOUS

Meantime, Harry Reid is a ridiculous oaf and Obama was silly to back him in this effort to keep Roland Burris out.

Reid kept prattling about a Senate rule which says you can't seat a Senator without the Secretary of State of that state signing off.

Here's the thing. The Constitution doesn't call for that. And darned of the ol' U.S. Constitution doesn't trump Senate rules. Wake up Harry. I know you can use the excuse that the Illinois Supreme Court has yet to rule on whether the Sec. of State's signature is necessary. But you already know how they're going to rule.
Wake up Harry.


So Burris being seated was inevitable. And this whole thing was a silly, unnecessary mess. And Harry Reid looking at reporters with a straight face as if he had a case is ReGoddamnDiculous.

http://cbs2chicago.com/politics/burris.senate.democrats.2.901914.html
Senate officials in both parties, speaking on the condition of anonymity because they were not authorized to speak publicly for Senate members, said there is a growing expectation on Capitol Hill that the saga will end with Burris being seated.

Senate officials say Burris' appointment still has to be certified by Illinois' secretary of state


MacYapper - Um, no it doesn't. Nothing in the Constitution about it. That's kinda the document that really matters.

If the Dems want the country to take them seriously, oafs like Reid need to keep a low profile. He has distinguished himself as being one of the most undistinguished Senate leaders of all time... at least in terms of image, persona, and charisma. And I'm not seeing great grades in the competency department either.

But he's all we've got. And we need to be running all cylinders. Because... THE APOCALYPSE IS COMING!!!!!!

WE'RE NOT WILD ABOUT HARRY

Just look at what this arrogant insecure oaf recently uttered.

HUFFINGTONPOST.COM:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/01/07/harry-reid-i-dont-work-fo_n_155838.html
In an interview with The Hill, Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid said he would not roll over for the new president the way Republicans did for Bush.

Reid stated, "I don't believe in the executive power trumping everything... I believe in our Constitution, three separate but equal branches of government."

"If Obama steps over the bounds, I will tell him. ... I do not work for Barack Obama. I work with him," he said.


MacYapper - Dude. You better get real deferential real fast. It's true, you're co-equal branches of government. But he is one entire branch. You? A small fraction of the other branch.

Dude, he's a branch, you're a twig. And we just gave the Brother a big-ass mandate. You don't work for him, technically. You work for us. And we're telling you to get in line. Do NOT play stupid ego games and make Democratic rule resemble this Burris fiasco.

This is your shot. Don't blow it.

HUFFINGTONPOST.COM:
Reid also said that he planned to lead the Senate Democrats until at least 2015. However, he downplayed his own importance as Majority Leader. "I understand how close I've come to failure a number of times. I've done OK," Reid said. "I've never considered myself Johnny Unitas or anything like that. I am just someone the [Democratic] Caucus has selected and they feel comfortable with."

MacYapper - You haven't considered yourself Johnny Unitas? That's good. 'Cause you're not even Bubby Brister. Mike Tomczak? You don't measure up.

Brett Farve? Maybe now that he sucks. Dude, you've really got to get that ego in check. I'm guessing Senate Majority Leader is a thankless, pain-in-the-ass gig. Why else would they elect Harry?

And speaking of silly-ass Harry and his silly-ass games, who could forget the uniquely moronic statement he made the other day regarding tourists who visit the U.S. Capitol?

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/01/07/harry-reid-i-dont-work-fo_n_155838.html

At the recent opening ceremony for the new Capitol Visitor Center, the Nevada Democrat said, "In the summertime, because of the high humidity and how hot it gets here, you could literally smell the tourists coming into the Capitol."

MacYapper - Of course he tried to backtrack. But it's just a case of someone who's not funny trying to be a comic. Leave it to the pros Har'.

I'm feeling that classic liberal guilt. I feel like I've been handed Sean Hannity's talking points, hence, the hammering of Harry.

It's just time to stop screwing it up, that's all. The stakes are too big.

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email me at johnmcintire@comcast.net

Tuesday, January 06, 2009

RAWHIDE POLITICS EDITION



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Yo, yo, yo, MacYippers! What up?

Roland, Roland, Roland,
was this seat just stolen?
keep this bullshit movin'
Rawhide!

Don't try to understand 'em
the voters will shitcan 'em

soon we'll livin high and wide

Move 'em in, kick 'em out
Kick 'em out, move 'em in
Beat 'em up, kick 'em out Rawhide

Set 'em out, ride 'em in
Ride 'em in, let 'em out,
Cut 'em out, ride 'em in Rawhide.


The circus continues. They want to seat Franken. They don't want to seat Burris.
They would seat Burris except Harry doesn't think Burris can win in the next election.

But it appears (though constitutional scholars can argue... and what else to they do?) that Blago can legally do this and that the Burris appointment is legal.

And it undercuts the move to seat Franken when they don't seat Burris.

And it's creating an unnecessary circus when we've got work to do. And no one's found dirt on Burris.

And some bloggers have even taken to writing lame ass parody songs about old western TV shows, just because Burris' first name is Roland.

Just another sign of the apocalypse.

http://online.wsj.com/article/SB123125550109657443.html?mod=googlenews_wsj
WASHINGTON -- Barack Obama's appointed successor headed to the Senate to be sworn in as a member of the 111th Congress, but was turned away.

Roland Burris announced the decision to deny him the seat as he stood before a large throng of reporters and cameras in the rain outside the Capitol building.


MacYapper - Everybody's a drama queen.
Well. Except for Barack.

CHEERS TO THE BLACK DUDE FOR THE PANETTA PICK!

Here's the thing about spooks.


They're kinda like the military in one respect. They really don't think those nutty civilians should be running the show.

Oh, sure they respect the Constitution which clearly spells out that we'uns is in charge. Kinda.

But really, they believe this should be left to the professionals and you and I should just butt out.

That's why it's OUTSTANDING that The Black Dude is appointing well-respected Congressman and former Clinton OMB head and Chief of Staff Leon Panetta to head CIA.

Naturally the insiders are skeptical. They think you gots to have a spook.


http://www.latimes.com/news/nationworld/nation/la-na-obama-cia-panetta6-2009jan06,0,5514283.story
A senior aide to Sen. John D. Rockefeller IV (D-W.Va.), the outgoing chairman of the Senate Intelligence Committee, said the senator "would have concerns" about a Panetta nomination.

Rockefeller "thinks very highly of Panetta," the aide said. "But he's puzzled by the selection. He has concerns because he has always believed that the director of CIA needs to be someone with significant operational intelligence experience and someone outside the political realm."


MacYapper - They've got other high level spooks when spookery needs to dominate. The aim here, and Obama gets five out of five MacYappers for this pick, is to curb the unconscionable abuses, and try to reinstate the notion that we are the United States of America, and we're not completely full of shit when we claim to have principles.

LATIMES.COM:
But the nomination was praised by others who see Panetta as an outsider who can bring accountability and reform to an agency accused of human rights abuses.

"We need the CIA to collect reliable, actionable intelligence in ways that respect American values and honor the Constitution," said Rep. Rush D. Holt (D-N.J.), chairman of a House Intelligence Committee oversight panel.

Panetta would join a CIA trying to stay abreast of the demands of the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, as well as the pursuit of Al Qaeda and other terrorist groups.

The Obama team had struggled to settle on a CIA candidate after passing over former high-ranking agency official John Brennan in November, largely because he was seen as too closely tied to the controversial policies of the Bush administration.


MacYapper - The Black Dude kept Gates at Defense. That should silence those who think he's too wimpy to be Commander In Chief.

He's sending a signal to the world that we're not the assholes we once were.

Diane Feinstein can just deal with it. She was not informed? Back off California Girl. There's a new sheriff in town.

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ROCK ON MAC-YIPPERS!
MAYBE SOON WE'LL BE WORTHY OF RESPECT!


email me at johnmcintire@comcast.net

Monday, January 05, 2009

BACK TO REALITY EDITION



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Yo, yo, yo, MacYippers! What up?

Now we have to face reality. No more excuses about "getting through the holidays." They're over. Oh, sure, I was watching National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation this morning, but then I quickly flipped over to MSNBC's Morning Joe for a fresh round of discussion on why Jimmy Carter's former National Security Adviser Zbigniew Brzezinski called Joe Scarborough "stunningly superficial" when he implied that Yasir "That's My Baby" Arafat was a bonehead to walk away from the deal Bill Clinton offered him at the end of the Clinton administration.

Here's the original childish put-down by Zbigniew, credible guy, but occasional petulant punk. And of course Zbigniew is the daddy of Mika, Morning Joe's mostly silent partner.



So today Scarborough brought it up again, and in his McCarthy light fashion, held up a folder of clips purporting to support his point of view. Then he read from a Newsweek article backing him up.

While I thought Zbigniew was initially a tad out of line (and I'm no fan of Morning Joe and his apologize-for-Republicans-first standard line), Joe not being able to let it go proved to me once again that...

everyone's still in high school. Nanny nanny boo boo you're stunningly superficial. Oh yeah? Well boo boo nanny nanny I've got newspaper clips that say I'm right.

This, ladies and gentlemen, is reality. No more fighting some goober at Wal Mart for the last Kung Fu Panda video. Just good old fashioned political sniping.

Reality folks. A horseshit economy. Did I mention a couple of wars?

Add that to whatever holiday hangover you're suffering from, and you've got a recipe for a brand new gigantor bottle of Ibuprofen.

Ibuprofen. It's God's gift to the intolerant.

No I don't understand what this drawing is about either. I just thought it was more interesting than staring at the pills themselves.

NO NEED TO HIS-PANIC - BUT RICHARDSON IS OUT - THANK GOD

So Billy Richardson, who famously turned his back on his old pals/bosses the Clintons to suck up to The Black Dude to get a cabinet post, is out. Seems he's got his own pay-to-play scandal to worry about in New Mexico.

I always thought Richardson should have been Obama's Number Two. A black AND an hispanic on the ticket? Let's seem them try to out steal that election.

But it was not to be and that is good. Because Bill F'ed up and now he's out.

ASSOCIATED PRESS:
http://www.newsday.com/services/newspaper/printedition/monday/nation/ny-usrich055987616jan05,0,6403948.story
WASHINGTON - New Mexico Gov. Bill Richardson abandoned his nomination to become commerce secretary yesterday under pressure of a grand jury investigation into a state contract awarded to his political donors - a probe that threatened to embarrass President-elect Barack Obama.

Aides to both men insisted that Richardson made the decision to withdraw and was not pushed out by Obama. But one Democrat involved in discussions over the matter said transition officials became increasingly nervous in the last couple of weeks that the investigation was a bigger problem than Richardson had originally indicated.


MacYapper -
Not pushed out by Obama? Pure horse doogie. As the Reverend Wright episode to illuminatingly illustrated, The Black Dude will throw your ass under the bus quicker than you can say Yes We Canned Him.

Good job Barack. We don't need the distraction. It ain't your fault. It's his.
Sloppy, sloppy, sloppy.

TROTTING OUT THE OLD WAR HORSE... FULL OF WAR HORSE DROPPINGS

Have you noticed a lot of references to horse poop so far? It's that whole back to reality thing. And the excess horse poop from sea to shining sea.

Meantime, it is truly amazing, what with the entire world falling down around our ears, how completely irrelevant George Bush has become.

And if you think HE's irrelevant, how about Poppy?

Do you freaking believe Mr. "Not gonna do-it" has the testicles to suggest ANOTHER Bush should become President? Especially now?

FOXNEWS.COM:
http://www.foxnews.com/politics/2009/01/04/bush-jeb-bush-president/
"As president, it's about service, service for the greatest country on the face of the Earth and the honor that goes with it," Bush said. "I think Jeb fits that description."

He added: "I mean, right now is probably a bad time, because we've got enough Bushes in there."


MacYapper - Gee, ya think? That's some mighty astute political analysis Poppy. Now go back to the home, take your meds, and change your underwear.

Your son just ruined the country and the world. And we should elect his brother because...

I know Jeb was the smart one. It's your fault for lending him Jim Baker and the evil doers who got this chimp appointed in the first place.

You Bushes have run out of mulligans. You're done. That's it. There will NOT be another President Bush. Thank Gawd.

H.W. ON OBAMA - FOXNEWS.COM:
"I talked to him right after the election and... assured him that he was my president," Bush said. "I've very impressed with his style on the campaign and his coolness and his articulate nature. I think he can give a sentence and it'll sound like it's been thought out by Shakespeare or something."

MacYapper -
Not really. If you listen to Obama he's articulate, but he's no great orator. It's just that by comparison to that illiterate disgrace through which we just suffered, it's all Shakespeare ahead.

THE P.G. IS RIGHT... SEAT BURRIS' ASS AND END THIS DRAMA

Blago is dirty.

Burris is, perhaps, a stooge. But he doesn't seem to be dirty.

Why don't we end this part of the Blago drama, and get one with governing for Chrissakes.

So say the wise men and women... assuming there are any women left at the PG... of the Pittsburgh Post Gazette. And your MacYapper agrees.

POST-GAZETTE.COM:

http://post-gazette.com/pg/09005/939591-192.stm
The Illinois constitution says that the governor names the senator if the post falls vacant. Based on all the information available so far there is absolutely nothing wrong with Mr. Burris himself. In fact, a former Illinois attorney general, he appears to be clean as a whistle and has had no out-of-order dealings with the villainous Mr. Blagojevich.

MacYapper - Blago's scum but the Illinois legislature will EVENTUALLY take care of him. Burris is squeaky. The Dems could use the vote. Let's sweep this puppy under the rug. The Land of Lincoln will elect someone new in two years. So just sit his ass down, will ya?

Reality bites. Reality blows.
From our heads down two our toes.

Know what's fake.
Know what's real.
Hide the truth 'till someone squeals.

UPCOMING COMEDY GIGS AND COMEDY AUDIO AT:
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ROCK ON MAC-YIPPERS! BACK TO REALITY!

email me at johnmcintire@comcast.net

Friday, January 02, 2009

POLITICAL COWARDS EDITON



FREE CYRIL!


www.izzazu.com

Yo, yo, yo, MacYippers! What up?

We'll get to cowardly weasels and Pittsburgh area politics in a moment, but first, this. A new poll shows some in the military doubt their new Commander In Chief Obama.

ARMYTIMES.COM:
http://www.armytimes.com/news/2008/12/military_poll_main_122908/
When asked how they feel about President-elect Barack Obama as commander in chief, six out of 10 active-duty service members say they are uncertain or pessimistic, according to a Military Times survey.

In follow-up interviews, respondents expressed concerns about Obama’s lack of military service and experience leading men and women in uniform.


MacYapper - Breaking news. This just in. Hey soldiers? Shut the F up. This guy is your Commander In Chief. He gives the orders. You follow 'em. That's it.

And if you still like George Bush and you don't see how his incompetence led to thousands of unnecessary deaths, then you're just dumb.
Brave, but dumb.
Now get back to work soldier. Civilians run this outfit. That means you work for me.
And Barack.

By the way, why is this poll taken and published in the first place?

COWARDLY WEASELS JUMP SHIP
Today for you Pittsburghian MacYippers, I will identify the three biggest worthless weasels in local politics.

They are County Councilors. They are cowards. They are a disgrace to their jobs.

Just as western PA is known to be just a tad racist, as Jumpin' Jack Murtha and Fast Eddie Rendell have informed us, we're also just a wee bit homophobic.

The City of Pittsburgh, to its credit, has passed an anti-gay discrimination ordinance.

But the surrounding county of Allegheny has not. This means, simply, that you could get fired or refused as a renter if the employer/landlord thought were were gay and didn't like it.

The anti-discrimination ordinance appeared on its way to easy passage, with 12 of the 15 County Councilors endorsing the bill by co-sponsoring it.

But then the cowardly weasel effect kicked in. Homophobes and other assorted assholes started emailing the Councilors. And three of them caved. Because they are spineless weasels.

Did I mention they were cowardly?

Let's deal with these rodents one by one.

Cowardly Weasel #1 - Michael Finnerty of Scott Township.

PGHCITYPAPER.COM:
http://www.pittsburghcitypaper.ws/gyrobase/Content?oid=oid%3A57129
One of the defections is Scott Township Democrat Michael Finnerty, who now says state law "gives adequate protection and we don't have to start to single out another group or groups."

MacYapper - We DO have to single out another group. Because this is the type of discrimination that's easy to hide. You mess with a black person, you might be racist. You mess with a white gay person, you can claim you had no idea, and contrive other reasons without fear of reprisal or legal challenge.

Also, even if what The Weasel Finnerty said was true, redundancy in this department wouldn't hurt.

PGHCITYPAPER.COM:

Finnerty says his mind was changed by "a lot of the e-mails I have seen" from constituents, "especially from church groups." Those opposed to the measure outnumbered those in favor approximately 30 to 3, he says. "I got phone calls from businesspeople who don't want to have this gender expression [included], to be held to that. People could put in a job application, turn around and sue" over a spurious claim of gender-expression discrimination.

MacYapper - Do you believe the utter shameless spinelessness if this weasel without a spine?

Did he not stand up for principle initially, or does he just take a quick poll of local homophobes?

This is the new civil rights issue you moron. Get a spine Finnerty. Get a clue, and then get a spine.

As if "church groups" automatically have the right issue on positions. Tell that to the church going homophobes who passed Prop 8 in CA. I guess you wouldn't have to tell them, would you. But you could get an earful from the other side on "church groups" and their sterling reputation for being bigots. I don't mean all church groups. Just the homophobes.

BTW, as the City Paper points out, the Pittsburgh law has NOT resulted in the kind of lawsuits Finnerty is whining about. Whining Weasel.

PGHCITYPAPER.COM:
"People's human rights are always a high priority – don't get me wrong," says county Councilor Matt Drozd, who pulled his co-sponsorship of the legislation. But he added, "This is not a high priority now. This will take us more time and take away from the pressing issues this county faces. Roads that aren't repaired. Bridges that aren't repaired. People who are losing their homes. Let's talk about them." He labeled the move "controversial" and said it required further study.

MacYapper -
OK this guy's just a big fat pussy.

And of course, Cowardly Weasel #2.
Worthless Weasel Drozd is hiding behind the fact that our economy is falling apart to try to cover up the fact that he's caving like a sissy because the homophobes in his district have gotten to him.
There's just no other explanation. Homos have some say in the city because they're slightly organized. But the further away you get from the Golden Triangle, the more the waves of homophobia wash up on you like pond scum.

Drozd calls it "controversial." Yeah, you douchebag, so was the original civil rights movement. Get a spine you coward.


Moving on to Cowardly Weasel #3... James Ellenbogen could be the most cowardly of all. He's hiding.

PGHCITYPAPER.COM
The bill's prime sponsor, Amanda Green, could not be reached for comment by press time. Neither could South Hills Councilor James Ellenbogen, the third official who pulled his co-sponsorship of the bill.

MacYapper - At least the other Cowardly Weasels had the guts to make up some crap for the media about why they are shamelessly caving for the homophobes.

I have said this jokingly, repeatedly, because of my penchant for repeating jokes. Hence, the whole standup comedy thing. But homos ARE the new negroes. And this IS the new civil rights movement. And there's no debate about that. At least not in my head.

I've been so bored by local issues I haven't written about them, with rare exception, for a while. I mean how many times can you get outraged about corruption that nobody gives a damn about. When corruption is the status quo and you have a remarkably apathetic populace, you're kinda just stuck.

But this is bullshit. Even though we're racist, we've more or less accepted that we HAVE to put up with black people. They've just come too far. They've insinuated themselves into the culture. Sports. Movies. Song. Dance. And now the sneaky bastards went and got themselves a presidency. Fine. We can be racist and ignore them, but we know we can't discriminate 'cause we're gonna get busted.

But homos have NOT reached this level of acceptance. They are still regarded as freaks. Negroes - annoying but acceptable troublemakers. Homos - outrageous un-Godly freaks of nature. That's what your average western PA homophobe thinks.

So homos and non-homos and in between can show up a week from Saturday, January 10th, at Schenley Plaza in Oakland.

PGHCITYPAPER.COM:
Capitalizing on a 500-person Schenley Plaza protest held in November against California's anti-gay marriage referendum (Proposition 8), a recently convened group plans a Jan. 10 demonstration in the same Oakland spot. The gathering, which will be held 2-4 p.m., is intended to protest the federal Defense of Marriage Act while rallying on behalf of the county's proposed ordinance.

MacYapper - My old Lesbian Correspondent Sue Kerr is always riffing about this. http://www.pghlesbian.com/blog

Gab Bonesso will be emceeing this event. I'll be speaking there and so will many others.

Come on out and fight the homophobes.
Don't be a coward.

Homos are the new Negroes.
50 is the new 40. At least that's what I keep telling myself.

UPCOMING COMEDY GIGS AND COMEDY AUDIO AT:
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ROCK ON MAC-YIPPERS!
email me at johnmcintire@comcast.net

Thursday, January 01, 2009

MAKE THE NEW YEAR GAY



FREE CYRIL!


www.izzazu.com

Yo, yo, yo, MacYippers! What up?

Santa Claus has come out as gay. And he's stepping down from his post as Santa Claus.

The only thing that weirds me out is that this means, all this time, Mrs. Claus was his beard.


Kris Kringle issued a statement saying if we're going to have the first black President, then we need the first black Santa.

And that is why Oprah is getting fat again.

Ba dum bum.

UPCOMING COMEDY GIGS AND COMEDY AUDIO AT:

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ROCK ON MAC-YIPPERS!

HAPPY NEW YEAR TO YOU! IN JAIL!


EMAIL me at johnmcintire@comcast.net