GUITAR HERO EDITION

MacYapper - John McIntire


www.izzazu.com

Yo MacYippers!

I hate airlines. Don't you?
They don't care about you and their consistent disdain for your existence is beyond irritating.

So here's this musician, Dave Carroll, who sees ruffian baggage handlers destroying his instrument through the airplane window. Sure enough, they cause enormous damage to a fine, expensive guitar. Sure enough, when he tries to collect they put up 50 brick walls. So he writes a song to embarrass them. Sure enough, these assholes suddenly wake up and become swell folks, because Dave embarrassed the shit out of them. Here's the tune. God bless consumers like Dave Carroll. May God smite the assholes at United, and everyone like them at all the other asshole airlines.



A detailed version of Dave's nightmare available at his website below:

http://www.davecarrollmusic.com/story/united-breaks-guitars/

RIPPING M-J A NEW ONE... JESUS! (JUICE!)

As I've been reporting MacYippers, I have been obsessing on the pedophilia allegations while 99 % of my friends worship the ground MJ's buried under.

Phrases like "tortured genius" are bandied about with wild abandon.
Which mike make a good name for a band.
"From Los Angeles, California, please welcome, WILD ABANDON!!!"
(Crowd goes wild... with abandon).

But now a columnist is hitting the King of Poop where he lives.
Alisa Valdes-Rodriguez says genius, schmenius.

POST-GAZETTE.COM - ALISA VALDES-RODRIQUEZ:
http://www.post-gazette.com/pg/09191/982862-109.stm
Mr. Jackson, whose vocal range was limited and who sang often insipid pop songs that rarely ventured outside of a basic pentatonic scale, was no musical genius. Cannonball Adderley was a musical genius. John Coltrane was a musical genius. Charles Ives was a musical genius. J.S. Bach was a musical genius. Hector Berlioz was a musical genius. These were human beings gifted with uncommon musical understanding, interpretation and expression.

To compare Michael Jackson's twitchy, strange pop singing to the accomplishments of people such as Pyotr Tchaikovsky or Charlie Parker is downright insulting; it is rather like saying the guy who designed the Tilt-a-Whirl is on par as an architect with I.M. Pei.

OOOUUUCCCHHHH!!!! Now mind you the author clearly has a bias against Pop.
"Insipid" Pop songs? I've been critical of MJ hero worship, but I loved many of the tunes. However, the overblown blow job of MJ has gotten out of hand.
And this bitch takes the hand, with the glove, and slaps Jacko silly.

POST-GAZETTE.COM - ALISA VALDES-RODRIQUEZ
If Mr. Jackson is a musical genius, one realizes, it is not such a great leap to imagine Sarah Palin as presidential material, Lauren Weisberger as a great author or Lou Dobbs as a substitute for real reporting and news. We are told Michael Jackson is the King of Pop, when in reality he is the Clown Monarch of Mediocrity.

Whooa! Snap! (As the kids day... these young whipper snappers... and of course, MJ enjoyed snapping their whippers).

Comparing the King of Pop with the Queen of Pap?

Thems are some low blows Uncle Joe.

But here's the kicker. Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson and every faux civil rights leader/publicity hound under the sun couldn't wait to declare MJ Martin Luther Queen... a beacon of civil rights and a proud and shiny example of African-American success.

The columnist begs to differ.

POST-GAZETTE.COM - ALISA VALDES-RODRIQUEZ
First, Mr. Jackson was hardly the first black person to find popularity in American pop music. Louis Armstrong, Cab Calloway, Billie Holiday, Ella Fitzgerald, Charlie Parker, Fats Domino, Coleman Hawkins, Miles Davis -- the list of those who came before is seemingly endless to anyone whose sense of U.S. musical history goes back further than the 1970s.

Second, Mr. Jackson worked very hard not to be black. He hated being black. His self-hatred was deep and public. To somehow now consider him as being some sort of racial trailblazer is ridiculous and incomprehensible; it also shows that people see what they need to see, rather than what is there.

If Mr. Jackson sought to break down racial barriers, it was only to have surgery to make himself white. When it came time for children, he found a sperm donor who was white, because he knew that no matter how much surgery he had, his DNA would still make black babies. Both his marriages were to white women.

Mr. Jackson's dancing, so often heralded as brilliant, was not so. He was an unusual dancer, yes. But not a brilliant one. A brilliant dancer is someone like Mikhail Baryshnikov, Alvin Ailey or Gregory Hines. Mr. Jackson was a weird dancer, and a good dancer, but he simply wasn't great.


OOOH! OUTCH! BAM! BOOM!
So MJ was the black inspiration who was desperate to "convert" to Whitey?

I must differ with the columnist on one point. Fred Astaire said MJ could dance... and he knew a thing or two about tripping the light fantastic.

Although it seems MJ was more light in the fantastic loafers. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

So, that is our MJ CONTRARIAN OPINION OF THE DAY.

It's the summer. And we must beat these meaningless themes to death. Because that's what you do.

Beat it. Just beat it.

UPCOMING COMEDY GIGS AND COMEDY CLIPS AT:
www.myspace.com/MacYapper

ROCK ON MAC-YIPPERS!

email me at johnmcintire@comcast.net