NEW BOOTY NEWTIE REARS HIS HYPOCRITICAL HEAD EDITION

HYPOCRISY PERSONIFIED
Hello New Booty Newtie

SPEAKER? I DON'T EVEN KNOW 'ER
The A-Hole Who Started The Unnecessary Zippergate

HOW DOES HE SAY THINGS WITH A STRAIGHT FACE?
Because He's A Lying Hypocritical A-Hole?

SUNDAY MORNING NEWS - MONDAY-TUESDAY COMEDY
MacYapper Media Whore Tour Begins

The Snarkery Starts Now

Well it's obvious. He's running. The most heinous hypocrite in the history of politics, and that my MacYippers is saying something, is trying to wash away the sins of the past by confessing them.

But he cannot. Because while Bill Clinton was caught lying in his attempt to cover up an extra-marital affair, this disgraceful, despicable, excuse for a human being, began the process of impeachment. And the Clinton impeachment, MacYippers, was the biggest waste of time and money in search of absolutely nothing valuable or meaningful in the history of the United States of America.

And that, too, MacYippers, is saying something. And this Bozo, this overrated pompous, pedantic, pugilistically professorial poop-head, ginned up the impeachment machinery that resulted in this national obsession and congressional idiocy.

And he did it, as political junkies have known for years, while he was playing hide the salami with a congressional staffer. And that makes him the ultimate hypocrite.
And yet this douchebag, this scumwad, this a-hole who left his first wife on her cancer deathbed, has the stones to try to tell us he should not be judged as a hypocrite? Unfreakingbelievable.

(AP)WASHINGTON (March 9) - Former House Speaker Newt Gingrich acknowledged he was having an extramarital affair even as he led the charge against President Clinton over the Monica Lewinsky affair, he acknowledged in an interview with a conservative Christian group.

MacYapper - This is the second wife... the one he hooked up with after informing the first one he was divorcing her while she was in the hospital with cancer. Nice.

Gingrich divorced Marianne in 2000 after his attorneys acknowledged his relationship with his current wife, Callista Bisek, a former congressional aide.

MacYapper - Dude, I don't care if he has a thousand wives. His personal life is none of my business. Although it's totally fair game since he started the unnecessary scrutiny of the Clintons.

But the hypocrisy here is obvious and hopelessly outrageous. And yet this douchebag wants you to forget about it.

(AP) "The honest answer is yes," Gingrich, a potential 2008 Republican presidential candidate, said in an interview with Focus on the Family founder James Dobson to be aired Friday, according to a transcript provided to The Associated Press. "There are times that I have fallen short of my own standards. There's certainly times when I've fallen short of God's standards."

Gingrich argued in the interview, however, that he should not be viewed as a hypocrite for pursuing Clinton's infidelity.

MacYapper - By what alternate universe logic is Professor Penis deducing that we should not take a hot branding iron and permanently emblazon F'ING HYPOCRITE on his drive-in-movie forehead?

And fallen short of "God's standards"? As if because he says "God" we're supposed to go, "oh, he's religious and he respects God, so it's OK if he wastes many MILLIONS OF DOLLARS investigating something completely irrelevant to whether Bill Clinton was a good president or not. Which, BTW, he was. And everybody understands that now because we currently have the worst in history. Not to be critical.

(AP)"The president of the United States got in trouble for committing a felony in front of a sitting federal judge," the former Georgia congressman said of Clinton's 1998 House impeachment on perjury and obstruction of justice charges. "I drew a line in my mind that said, 'Even though I run the risk of being deeply embarrassed, and even though at a purely personal level I am not rendering judgment on another human being, as a leader of the government trying to uphold the rule of law, I have no choice except to move forward and say that you cannot accept ... perjury in your highest officials."

MacYapper - Mr. Clinton had his law license suspended for his unfortunate remarks. That is all that ever should have happened. And when Professor Asshole started the impeachment proceedings, no such determination had been made.
This guy is a complete liar. If he was a Batman character he'd be "The Rationalizer."

And of course he wasn't rendering judgment, they're all scumbags. But he was playing pure politics with the impeachment process, a much bigger sin than using the human humidor for a little ceegar secret sauce. OK that's gross, but it's not a freaking crime for two consenting adults... why am I rearguing the Clinton impeachment fiasco? New Booty Newtie is a lying hypocritical asshole and it's time we dismiss him from the public consciousness as a credible figure.

And he's only saying this because he's running.

And of course, GOP hypocrisy is in full bloom, now that they're all calling for Dubya to pardon Scooter. His perjury is OK. And they're using the Clinton reasoning of "no underlying crime." Because their hypocrisy knows no bounds.

I'd like to wipe the smug smile off of Senator Lindsey Graham, who was a persecutor during the impeachment, but is now asking us to take it easy on Scooter.

How do these guys look at themselves in the freaking mirror?


(AP) Gingrich, who frequently campaigned on family values issues, divorced his second wife, Marianne, in 2000 after his attorneys acknowledged Gingrich's relationship with his current wife, Callista Bisek, a former congressional aide more than 20 years younger than he is.

His first marriage, to his former high school geometry teacher, Jackie Battley, ended in divorce in 1981. Although Gingrich has said he doesn't remember it, Battley has said Gingrich discussed divorce terms with her while she was recuperating in the hospital from cancer surgery.

Gingrich married Marianne months after the divorce.

MacYapper - Divorce is a painful thing. Cancer is a painful thing. Put the two together, you're not going to FORGET that you discussed your divorce while your wife was recuperating from cancer surgery. He is a liar's liar.

(AP) "There were times when I was praying and when I felt I was doing things that were wrong. But I was still doing them," he said in the interview. "I look back on those as periods of weakness and periods that I'm ... not proud of."

MacYapper - Ah, he was telling God about what he was doing wrong but he was still doing it. Fascinating. I guess if you just say God every few words it makes everything OK.

He's not proud of it? Is he supposed to get a freaking gold star because he wasn't proud of it?

Again, not judging. Don't care about where he hides the salami. Do care about the country. Care that the President focuses on stuff that matters. And the Congress. And yet for months, nothing got done because BIG GIANT DISGRACEFUL HYPOCRITES like New Booty Newtie dragged us through an unnecessary, fabricated, moronically irrelevant manufactured crisis.

I can forgive anyone for personal indiscretions. But when you recklessly hijack the government for your own pious political purposes, you really are an evil f'in jackass.

He's thinking that because Tricky Dick came back in '68 and reinvented himself, he can do the same. And we all saw how well that turned out.

Take a long walk off a short pier Newtie. Go blather with Sean Hannity. But stay the hell away from the corridors of power. You are a disgrace to humanity, and a disgrace to the United States of America.

Not to put too fine a point on it.

(AP) Gingrich's congressional career ended in 1998 when he abruptly resigned from Congress after poor showings from Republicans in elections and after being reprimanded by the House ethics panel over charges that he used tax-exempt funding to advance his political goals.

MacYapper - Oh yeah, he resigned in disgrace. Something he couldn't get Bill to do.
Cigar Boy 1 New Booty Newtie 0

BIG CBS SUNDAY MORNING SHOW A COMIN'

Part of Mac-Yapper Media Whore Tour

CBS Sunday Morning Reporter Joie Chen and her most excellent crew are busy viewing, writing and editing what is bound to be an interesting piece slated for air this Sunday morning between 9 and 10:30 on the outstanding CBS SUNDAY MORNING news magazine show. Remember we "Spring Forward," so don't screw it up when you set your alarm or the Tivo.

It's all about Mayor Opie, and it includes interviews with Opie, Mr. Peduto-head, most excellent political analyst Duquesne Law Professor Joe Mistick, and your very own MacYapper, and it may include footage of MacYapper standup comedy poking fun at our beloved Opie.

More on that in a moment, but first, MacYipper Carol observes this about Opie:

John, I have been trying to understand why Ravenstahl
isn't held up to any scrutiny by much of the public...
as in your point that if Murphy had deferred 100% to
Roddey on sports deals the media and public would've
been all over it.

Luke is: the Teflon Teenager! Or, the Teflon
Toddler. Take yer pick.

Hey, maybe I just like alliteration.
Carol

MacYapper - Coocoo for Cocoa Crap Carol!
I kinda like the latter.

LAUGH YOUR ASS OFF THEN PUT IT BACK ON

MacYapper standup comedy with Gab Bonesso
Point Park University Monday
The Brillo Box Tuesday
Details at www.myspace.com/MacYapper

ROCK ON MAC-YIPPERS!

Email me at johnmcintire@comcast.net